Whoever controls the money in a relationship has the power.
If you and your partner have both been working and had separate accounts, then becoming a housedad is going to be a shock. You're going to have to ask for house-keeping money. Worse than that, you're going to have to ask for pocket money. Consider a joint account. You're working as a family team and the money is jointly yours. This will, of course, require a certain level of communication to avoid going over-drawn, etc, but it will save you having to beg every time you need a new pair of socks.
Sad as it sounds, pocket money is still a good idea. You should both have some money each month to spend on whatever you want without having to justify it to the other. How much and what it covers is up to you and your budget. For instance, if my wife or I buy a DVD then it's from our own money but nights out (rare as they are) are from the main stash. My wife has her own account for pocket money and birthday money. I just keep a tally in my head. Whatever works.
Having your own money to spend is important for self-esteem. If you live in the UK you have two possible sources of income from the government besides what you can blag from your partner:
First off, as the primary carer, make sure the child benefit is being paid to you. This protects your entitlement to a state pension and is important. Bear in mind that the benefits people won't believe you and will assume you've filled out the form wrong and try to give the money to your partner anyway. Don't let them.
From 9th April 2007, child benefit is £18.10 a week for the first child in your household under 18 and £12.10 a week for each child thereafter. It's not means tested and not taxable. Make sure you're getting it.
This is a great scheme whereby your partner pays tax to the government and the government then gives it to you.
Basically you work out your expected gross (ie before tax) joint income for the current year and then subtract pension contributions, Gift Aid, maternity pay and non-taxable benefits. You then tell this amended income to the Inland Revenue, along with the number of hours you each work per week, how many children you have and their date of birth. They shove some entirely other information into their Arcane Calculating Machine of Disaster and then they send you the wrong amount of money. Luckily, they will send both you and your partner a four page letter documenting their mistakes. Then you phone them. They correct some of the mistakes, make others, change all your payments and then send both of you another four page letter. This continues for several months. They finally get it right but then your expected income changes and it all begins again.
The pain is worth it, though. Even if your amended income is almost £60,000, then you'll get several hundred pounds. At low income levels with multiple children, it means thousands of pounds of extra money. Remember that when your partner goes on maternity leave, your income will take a severe dip and this could make a big difference to tax credit levels for that year AND the next. Once your income goes up again, the rise (up to a limit of £2,500 (£25,000 from April 2007)) will not be counted as income for tax credit purposes until the following year.
If you are both working more than sixteen hours a week or if one of you is working and the other is unable to work or if there's just you and you're working, then you can get help towards childcare (70% of costs, up to a maximum of £175 a week for one child or £300 for two or more).
If you're on a low income you can also get Working Tax Credit as long as you or your partner is employed at least 16 hours a week. (If you don't have children to look after, it's 30 hours a week, but what are you doing here?)
Once again, this is all quite complicated and I can only give an overview here. My final tip is to tell the Revenue immediately your income or circumstances change. At the end of the year they compare what you said you'd bring in with what you actually got. If you got less than you said, then they'll give you more money. If you got more, they may well want some money back. This could be bad. Err on the side of caution. If you think your income might go up, tell them. You won't lose out in the longterm and you won't be faced with an unexpected bill either.
Get your finances in order now.
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