Stuff for Dads

  The Condemned (DVD)

Starring: Vinnie Jones & Steve Austin.

Rated: 18.

Story: Ten death row criminals from around the world are dumped onto a small South American island. They're promised that the last one left alive will receive their freedom. For only $49.99, subscribers get to watch the ensuing carnage live on the internet.

Liberals across the globe wring their hands in horror but then cough up fifty dollars for 'research purposes' anyway. Inevitably, it all ends in explosions.

Comments: There's a long history of people whacking each other round the head while other people pay to watch. From gladiatorial games to Medieval tournaments to modern-day boxing, the combat has generally got less fatal over the years but there have always been people keen to watch a good fight.

The Condemned makes the point that giving all the contestants on Big Brother machetes would do wonders for the ratings but turn the participants, producers and viewers into monsters. Brutal violence isn't entertainment. It's violent and brutal. Don't encourage it.

Well, unless it is entertainment, of course...

It's probably safe to say that watching real people blow each other up on grainy CCTV footage isn't good for you, even if they are psycho criminals. This point gets a little muddied, however, when wrapped up in brutal high definition fight scenes slickly choreographed to be entertaining. Keeping watching can be uncomfortable as the distinction between fantasy and reality becomes blurred. Whether this is genius or confusion is difficult to tell, though.

The film just manages to push through its self-contradictions but is let down by an ending which descends into stock action movie territory of an American hero meting out explosive 'justice'. Ultimately, The Condemned isn't quite as clever as it should be.

Luckily, it has lots of violence to keep everyone entertained...

Conclusion: A good action movie that could have been a classic with a little more thought. Instead, it comes close to tearing itself apart.

Explosions: Plenty.
Moral confusion: Some.
Vinnie Jones: Too much.
Steve Austin: Surprisingly competent.
Important life lessons: If you're going to dump a load of psychos on an island to kill each other, don't give them explosives and then hang around to watch...

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), action (vol.4), film review (vol.5)

 
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  Cloverfield (DVD)

Starring: Some highly expendable young, beautiful people and the Statue of Liberty's head.

Rated: 15.

Story: A party in Manhattan goes downhill when New York gets invaded by a giant creature and its tiny chums. A small group of the party-goers run around screaming as one of them records events using a handheld video camera. Lots of things blow up.

Yep, it's The Blair Witch Project meets Godzilla.

Comments: There really isn't much to say. If the story sounds good, then you'll probably enjoy it. Just remember to rent something else as well, since the film's only 80 minutes long. Ten minutes of that is credits and first twenty are scene-setting and character development. Fortunately, what's in between is tense and thrilling. It doesn't always make sense but it's more plausible than CSI: New York (even taking into account the twenty-storey mutant bat monster).

Conclusion: Fun while it lasts.

Explosions: Absolutely loads.
Wonky camera: Constant.
Sudden, abrupt ending?:

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), fantasy, film review (vol.5), quick

 
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  Kung Fu Panda

Starring: Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Jackie Chan, etc, etc.

(They all do fine but you won't recognise half of them until the credits. It's like the makers rounded up every famous name they could, in an effort to maximise their Google hits. Was it really necessary?)

Rated: PG.

Story: It's the classic tale of an over-weight panda overcoming adversity to learn Kung Fu in an attempt to save his village from an evil snow leopard and discover his inner butt-kicking Dragon Warrior.

Comments: Contrary to expectations, this isn't awful or full of fart gags. Admittedly, most of the laughs stem from a fat panda falling over but, in a sea of indistinguishable computer-animated movies, sometimes you have to find amusement where you can...

Kung Fu Panda is actually one of the better CGI films I've seen in a while. It's fast-paced and avoids the dull over-indulgence of efforts like Cars and Ratatouille. More than that, it takes advantage of the whole animated, cuddly animal concept. It features a host of outlandish and physically impossible feats and fights. Done with human beings (animated or otherwise) it would look stupid but because it's all snakes and tigers and, er, pandas, suspension of disbelief is much easier. It's possible to sit back and enjoy the spectacle without sniggering at the daftness.

The only real disappointment is the somewhat confused message. It appears to be, 'You don't need to be special to be special.' Except the story is all about a panda who can learn Kung Fu in an afternoon - that's pretty special whatever way you look at it. Meanwhile, the characters who've put the effort in and trained all their lives to make themselves special get smacked into the dirt. Eh?

Ho well, the plot moves along quickly enough to plaster over the cracks. For a movie you feel probably stemmed from a title brain-storming session, it's pretty entertaining.

Writer 1: Dare-devil Dinosaur?
Producer: Too generic.
Writer 2: Rodeo Ostrich?
Producer: Too niche.
Writer 1: Karate Kid?
Producer: Been done.
Writer 2: Not with goats.
Producer: Forget it.
Writer 1: Parachute Elephant?
Producer: Pardon?
Writer 2: Judo Space Monkey?
Producer: Too obvious.
Writer 1: Kung Fu Panda?
Producer: Yes! Go make it! Do you think we can get Jackie Chan involved?

Conclusion: If the kids decide to watch this every day for a month when it comes out on DVD, I can live with that.

Explosions: Some comic firework accidents.
Infeasible displays of acrobatics: Countless.
Wise old turtles: One.
Points made using peach metaphors: Several.
Noodles: Plenty.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), comedy, family, fantasy, film review (vol.5)

 
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  Indiana Jones
and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Starring: Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, Shia LaBeouf, Karen Allen, Ray Winstone, John Hurt and Jim Broadbent.

Rated: 12A. (My eight-year-old was a little scared in places but the main issue was that the historical setting and exposition left him totally lost. Although he enjoyed the film, he spent most of it asking me what was going on.)

Story: Having made a huge mountain of cash from the Star Wars prequels, George Lucas decides it's time to start recycling other ideas. Leaving Howard the Duck for a different occasion, he opts for a fourth Indiana Jones film. He wakes Harrison Ford from his afternoon nap and they get creaking cracking.

The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is set in 1957 and features Soviet enemies, McCarthyism, a young sidekick, an old flame, some hugely unlikely escapes and a cast-off plot from a science fiction B-movie.



Comments: It's a new Indiana Jones film! Hurrah! It actually looks and feels like one as well, with proper stunts, returning characters, back references and plenty of whip-cracking, tomb-raiding action. Harrison Ford even almost manages to not look too old.

Unfortunately, the film is self-conscious of these things with rather too much pointed looking back and a selection of 'we're not as young as we used to be' jokes. Meanwhile, some preposterous action sequences and the ropey plot are played straight as if there is nothing remotely dubious about them. Since after only a quarter of an hour, Indy should really have died twice and the story has already moved into improbability, it's a case of sitting back and just soaking in the atmosphere.

Happily, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull isn't awful but it does rather trade on nostalgia to get by. Without the history of the franchise behind it, it wouldn't stand up to much scrutiny - it doesn't make sense in places and is totally daft in others. Still, it is a new Indiana Jones movie... If you liked the other ones, you'll be entertained by this. There's no need to rush out to the cinema, though. Feel free to wait for the DVD release.

Conclusion: Better than the Star Wars prequels but not as good as the LEGO.

Explosions: A single very, very large one.
References to the previous films: Dozens.
Number of bullets fired at Indiana Jones by crack Soviet troops: Hundreds.
Number of bullets that actually hit Indiana Jones: None.
Disparity in these numbers: Large.
Improbable uses of a fridge: One.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), family, fantasy, film review (vol.5)

 
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  Spider-Man 3 (DVD)

Starring: Tobey Maguire & Kirsten Dunst.

Rated: 12.

Story: Peter Parker tries to balance the adoration he receives as Spider-Man with various crises in his day-to-day existence. He's broke, his job's at risk, his best friend hates him and he's pushing his girlfriend away. In the middle of it all, he has to deal with a supervillain bitten by some radioactive sand, wrestle his own costume (which has been taken over by an alien) and survive a nasty outbreak of romantic comedy...

Comments: I saw a trailer for Superhero Movie the other day. Its attempt to parody the superhero genre seemed to mainly involve taking the original Spider-Man film and adding lots of extra falling over. On first sight, this seemed a little lame, considering the number of overblown superhero films we've had in recent years. Maybe, though, it's a dig at the fact that Spider-Man is the template from which the others have been created. Batman started the whole miserable, conflicted superhero thing but that has plenty of gadgets, action and Jack Nicholson. It's Spider-Man that made the angst as central as the action and then upped the spectacle with vast amounts of computer-generated mayhem to compensate for the tedium. This has infected everything from Hulk to The Fantastic Four. Even the new Superman and Batman have angst. Take the mick out of Spider-Man and you take the mick out of them all.

I want to sit the makers of superhero movies down and force them to watch a dozen episodes of Ben 10. It's a cartoon about Ben Tennyson, a ten-year-old boy who discovers a watch that can turn him into various superpowered aliens, allowing him to save the world. The episodes are full of explosions and adventure but, because Ben is ten, he doesn't have angst - when he's not fighting villains he uses his powers to play pranks on his cousin. He actually likes being a superhero. It's refreshing.

Interestingly, the live-action Ben 10: Race against Time movie features Ben returning home from his summer-long villain fighting vacation. He has to deal with fitting back into school, concealing his powers and not being popular. He even has to come up with an act for the school variety show. In short, he gets lumbered with a whole load of angst. In compensation for this tedium, there's some very impressive computer-generated mayhem.

Argh!

It's all just too upsetting...

Predictably, Spider-Man 3 doesn't mess with the formula and continues where the other two left off. Yep, excellent computer-animated action sequences are padded out with a little romance, a touch of slapstick and a large amount of angst as Peter Parker tries to work out who he is as his 9 to 5 life goes down the tubes. (Again.)

The script is somehow both stuffed full of plot and quite plodding. This results in lots going on but poor character development. Half an hour of cringe-worthy comedy and heart-to-heart conversations could be lost without making the motivations of most of the characters seem any less plausible than they already are.

All in all, Spider-Man 3 will do. The cast manage OK with what they're given and the action (particularly with Sandman) is great but this is getting tired. If there's going to be another Spider-Man movie, it really needs to take itself less seriously, spread out the action and cut down on the soul-searching. I've said it before and I'll no doubt have to say it again:

Less angst, more smashing.

Thank you.

Conclusion: A bit more falling over and the franchise would be a parody of itself.

Explosions: Some.
Wise-cracking: Almost none.
Swinging from roof tops: Not enough.
Main characters being slapped about for stupidity: Definitely not enough.
Villains: A small puddle of tar, big pile of sand and a large dose of self-absorbed idiocy.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), fantasy, film review (vol.4), sci-fi, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Ultraviolet (DVD)

Starring: Milla Jovovich.

Rated: 15.

Story: It's the future. A virus has turned lots of people into vampires with superhuman powers. The totalitarian authorities are intent on hunting down and destroying the infected. The vampires aren't too thrilled. One of the vampires, Violet (Jovovich), manages to annoy both sides. Everyone tries to kill her. She chops them to bits with a big sword.

Comments: Ultraviolet is a Matrix wannabe that's totally lacking in coherence and plausibility. There's some some excellent CGI and plenty of action but even this begins to pale after the third time Violet is entirely surrounded by hapless henchmen and yet manages to turn them into sushi. That she does this without a drop of blood being spilled is somewhat disconcerting.

It's very hard to care about any of it by the end.

To add insult to tedium, there's some anti-Christian imagery in that the main bad guy has the title of Vice-Cardinal and works in a Crucifix-shaped building. This is about as deep as the critique of organised religion gets, however, so it seems included just to offend rather than contribute to any kind of debate. It's on the intellectual level of name-calling. Not really big or clever, just irritating.

On top of everything else, Jovovich's performance is less than stellar. She's not helped by dialogue that frequently doesn't stretch beyond, 'Hey!?'

Conclusion: A collection of fights and chases shoved together at random. Some of them are OK.

Explosions: Not many.
Swords: Plenty.
Guns: An entire extra dimension full of them.
Improbable events and plot twists: Another entire extra dimension full of them.
Preferred tactic of henchmen: Standing in a circle and shooting each other. (Sigh.)

Rating: 2/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), film review (vol.4), quick, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Shooter (DVD)

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Michael Pina, Danny Glover, Kate Mara & Rhona Mitra.

Rated: 15.

Story: A disillusioned Special Ops sniper is coaxed out of retirement to help catch an assassin who's plotting to shoot the President. He ends up on the wrong end of a conspiracy. Cue the kind of day that normally only Jack Bauer can handle...

Comments: This has a bit of tension, a bit of action and a little bit of politics. It should be great.

Shame there isn't much sense to it all and it's morally confused. The film tries to make some kind of point about corruption but just seems to say that it's OK to shoot people as long as they really deserve it. (If you can blow them up afterwards, so much the better.)

Conclusion: Not smart enough to be a great thriller but not dumb enough to get away with it.

Explosions: Quite a few.
Sniping from very, very far away: Frequent.
How far exactly?: Far enough for the rotation of the Earth to become an issue on occasion.
Pardon?: You see that clock tower? No, not that one - the one behind it. Try squinting. Yep, that one. Not to worry you or anything, but you might want to keep a foot of concrete between it and your head, OK? Just in case...

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), film review (vol.4), quick, thriller

 
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  Mr & Mrs Smith (DVD)

Starring: Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie.

Rated: 15.

Story: Two professional assassins get married to each other without letting on about their careers. (Chortle.) After much lying (Ho, ho!), they both find out the truth. (Uh-oh.) They try and kill each other. (Oh no!) Then they try to kill everybody else. (Screech, slice, thakka-thakka-thakka, argh, BOOM!)

Comments: You can see why this got made - Brad & Angelina, plenty of action and a strong central gag. After all, there has to be plenty of comedy in a marriage where both partners are secretly hitmen, especially with a team of crack Hollywood scriptwriters working eagerly to tease it out...

Oh, apparently not.

The film only really gets going when the secret is revealed. It's then that the verbal sniping and the, er, actual sniping take off. Before that, there's just some sneaking about, lots of lying and a few limp jokes involving guns hidden in odd places. After the halfway point, however, sitcom starts to be usurped by action until the whole thing is enveloped in a hail of bullets of Shoot 'Em Up proportions. It's like some kind of ultimate date movie compromise - romantic comedy and Brad for her; guns and Angelina for him.

The action sequences are entertaining enough but they're slightly undone by the seeming invulnerability of the main characters. This is exacerbated by an unwise homage to the last scene of Butch Cassidy which misses the point. Even the massive final gunfight is slightly messed up by the deletion of a long segment that leaves a glaring continuity error. Ho hum.

Pitt and Jolie turn in their usual performances but to less effect than normal, since their characters aren't very sympathetic - they spend much of the movie being mean to each other and, whichever way you look at it, they're hitmen. Hitmen just aren't nice people.

Someone should probably have thought of that before giving this the go ahead.

Conclusion: Start watching it halfway through.

Explosions: Occasional.
Body count: Astronomical.
Angelina's legs: Long.
Brad Pitt: Slightly irritating.
Jokes: One (stretched to within an inch of its life and then given a good flogging to push it that last two and a half centimetres).

Rating: 3/5 if you're a fan of Brad and Angelina (else 2/5).

Labels: action (vol.3), comedy, film review (vol.4)

 
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  Night Watch (DVD) & Day Watch (DVD)

Starring: Lots of Russian people speaking Russian. (Which is worth knowing. I was five minutes into the first one before I realised that they really weren't going to stop and I needed to find the 'Subtitles' button on my DVD remote.)

Rated: 15.

Story: The forces of Dark and Light have been holding an uneasy truce for a thousand years. 'Others' - those with supernatural abilities - live secretly amongst ordinary people, the two sides keeping watch over each other to make sure the ancient laws are adhered to.

In contemporary Moscow, Anton learns that he's a seer and becomes an agent of the Night Watch, a group of Light Others who police the darkness. He begins to learn that, as usual, Armageddon is approaching and it's all his fault...

Comments: This is an interesting pair of Russian films. And, yes, by 'interesting' I mean 'not that great but entertainingly odd if you feel like something a little different'. The story follows on directly from one to the other (without any kind of recap) so don't even try to watch them out of order.

Night Watch is a fairly low-key affair, introducing the world of the Others, their leaders and the tensions between the two sides. It's quite vague, though, and not entirely coherent. Day Watch is much slicker and ups the eye-candy with plenty of Matrix-like effects but these are often the moments where the film makes least sense. Characters seem to occasionally develop X-Men style superpowers simply as an excuse for some cool CGI. It's all quite inconsistent - especially when compared to Night Watch where the abilities of the Others is fairly limited. The last half hour is just insane, with magic chalk that controls fate, James Bond-esque car combat, a tactical nuclear yo-yo, a rampaging Ferris wheel and massed Medieval melee.

The films have high production values and are intriguing throughout. Few of the questions raised are answered satisfactorily, however, and the concentration needed to read the dialogue makes it harder to just let the whole thing wash over you as the plot goes off the rails. You'll need some patience to keep going. Still, you could do worse.

Conclusion: These are a couple of passable supernatural action dramas that come with the added bonus that you can pretend to be cultural while watching them. The story gets madder than an inflatable pin-cushion stuffed with squirrels by the end, though.

Explosions: There are a few crashes and bangs but nothing much blows up... until the last twenty minutes of the second one - then everything blows up.
Bizarreness: Ever increasing.
Comprehensibility: There are times when you might be as well having the subtitles off.
Stunning, yet inexplicable, events: Several.
Ferris wheel induced panic: Extensive.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), fantasy (vol.1), film review (vol.4), sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Shoot 'Em Up (DVD)

Starring: Clive Owen, Monica Bellucci (Persephone in the Matrix sequels), a baby, some carrots & Paul Giamatti (who'll look familiar from a million places but you'll have to Google him to be sure exactly where).

Rated: 18.

Story: Smith, an angry loner, comes to the rescue of a heavily pregnant woman who is being chased by hitmen. He finds himself steadily embroiled in a conspiracy as he attempts to save the baby from increasingly extreme assassination attempts. Luckily, he's been trained extremely well to kill with both guns and carrots.

Comments: There are a few scenes at the beginning of this film which are hugely reminiscent of Children of Men with Clive Owen protecting a baby that he's had to help deliver under difficult circumstances. This time, however, he gets guns rather than flip-flops. Lots and lots of guns.

Pretty soon, he's doing acrobatics with a newborn in one hand and a machine-gun in the other, taking out dozens of enemies at a time. It's all a little over the top until you realise that this is, in fact, the best film of a videogame ever made. One guy carving his way through a horde of inept bad guys is a scene I've played through a hundred times but it's seldom been filmed with such style. Of course, there is no actual videogame tie-in because that would just be a far too sensible media cross-over but the film apes the feel of a whole army of games that feature shoot-outs in warehouses full of crates.

Clive Owen does an excellent job as the enigmatic lead and copes surprisingly well as an action hero. The other main characters are OK but come off worse from the cheesy script. It may be that the whole thing is trying to be cheesy, though. It's hard to tell and that's the main problem with the film - it never quite finds its identity. It's too outlandish to be taken seriously but seldom funny enough to be a spoof. This is typified by the anti-gun message, which is cleverly ironic in a movie featuring a main character who only survives thanks to easy access to guns. Or maybe it's just stupid. I'm not sure.

Still, Shoot 'Em Up is a good effort with superb action sequences and a hero who spends much of the film actively involved in childcare. Hurrah!

Not so good if you don't like gun fights, though...

Conclusion: It's slightly too silly and confused to be an absolute classic but it's still one of the better action films of recent years.

Explosions: Er... Actually, now that I think about it, there may not be any. Shoot 'Em Up is all about the guns. This is where the similarity with games breaks down. One of the fundamental rules of an actual shoot 'em up is that the bad guys must build their fortifications out of explosive barrels. It's the law.
Guns: Lots and lots.
Brainless goons: More than that.
Carrot-induced fatalities: Many and varied.
Life-saving uses of a soiled nappy: One.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), film review (vol.4)

 
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  Highlander: The Source (DVD)

Starring: Adrian Paul.

Rated: 15.

Story: The world has descended into chaos and a small band of immortals sets off in search of the fabled 'Source'. Unfortunately, random passers-by want to eat them, and the Source has a very camp guardian who wants to chop them into tiny pieces. Cue some lack-lustre sword fights...

Comments: This fifth Highlander film was originally intended for theatrical release but, instead, went straight to Sci-Fi Channel.

Which just about says it all.

A paper-thin plot, aimless action and confused characters combine to make The Source a total mess. It's the kind of film where things explode simply for the sake of it. Even better than that, despite listing the basic rules of the Highlander universe at the start, the film seems to delight in breaking them. There's even a dodgy Cardinal in it for no real reason. Fantastic.

Since it features characters from the TV series, The Source might hold some nostalgia for fans but, more likely, it will just sully fond memories. Happily for everyone else, the movie's so inept on occasion, that it's actually funny. Also, thanks to both the participants in the final battle being endowed with super speed, it's all over mercifully quickly.

Conclusion: A film so bad that it fast-forwards itself.

Explosions: Three or four.
Big swords: Loads.
Ludicrous astronomical events: One. (Repeated).
Award nominations: 'Priest with the bizarrest haircut', 'Worst blade-cleaning montage' & 'Most gratuitous use of a fuel truck'.
Chance of franchise ever recovering: Well, at least we have the impending game tie-in to look forward to...

Rating: 1/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), fantasy (vol.1), film review (vol.4), quick, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Money Train (DVD)

Starring: Wesley Snipes, Woody Harrelson & Jennifer Lopez.

Rated: 18.

Story: Snipes and Harrelson are brothers (don't ask) and work as undercover cops on the New York underground. Snipes is the sensible one and Harrelson is the crazy one. They both fancy their new co-worker (Lopez). It all leads, by way of endless 'witty' banter, to a heist of the train carrying the subway's takings.

Comments: Don't be fooled by the first five minutes. They give the impression that this might be entertaining but fail to prepare you for the hour or more of uneventful cop/love-triangle/bickering-brother cliches that follows. The last twenty-five minutes of train-based mayhem might be OK if you somehow manage to still care about any of the characters by that point, you don't mind that nothing makes sense and you haven't lost the will to live. Even then, it's all pretty daft and contrived.

Conclusion: A predictable buddy movie is genetically spliced with an idiotic action flick. The resulting monster has the charm of Snipes, the subtlety of Lopez and the butt of Harrelson. Discerning film-lovers hunt it down with pitchforks.

Explosions: None.
Believable characters: None.
Funny jokes: None.
Predictable but stupid plot developments: Plenty.

Rating: 1/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), comedy, film review (vol.4), quick

 
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  Transformers (DVD)

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox and some big robots fighting each other.

Rated: 12.

Story: Geeky teenager (LaBeouf) attempts to chat up a pretty girl in his class (Fox). They get caught up in an inter-stellar war between big robots that can disguise themselves as ordinary vehicles. Geeky teenager tries not to get grounded by his parents while saving the world.

Comments: What do you expect from a film based on toy cars which can turn into robots? Probably not much, so this is surprisingly good.

The romance subplot is pretty embarrassing. The main plot is fairly non-existent. Some of the fighting is hard to follow. Still, there's an awful lot of action involving big robots stomping on each other and just about everything blows up, so it could have been a lot worse. It almost certainly looks fantastic in HD.

Conclusion: One for teenage boys of all ages.

Explosions: Lots.
Robots: In disguise.
Message 1: Geeky guys are actually brave, misunderstood heroes.
Message 2: Cute girls dig guys that drive giant robots.
Basis in reality: Tenuous.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), film review (vol.3), film review (vol.4), quick, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  300 (DVD)

Starring: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey and David Wenham's voice. (The rest of David Wenham is in it as well but it's his pleasant-but-weird accent that you'll really remember).

Rated: 15.

Story: Three hundred Spartans take on tens of thousands of Persians in the Battle of Thermopylae while wearing nothing but cloaks and loincloths. And then... No, hang on, that's about it, actually.

Comments: Back in my youth, Sunday afternoon wasn't complete without some sword-and-sandals epic plugging a large hole in TV schedules between the farming programmes and Songs of Praise. They were generally lavish, plodding and in a slightly odd colour. They also tended to be less gory than the public service announcements in the middle of Farming Diary. (Maybe that was just in Norfolk, though. It's possible that the rest of the world doesn't need to be told to avoid repairing heavy machinery while it's still running...)

You don't get so many sandy extravaganzas these days. There's been Gladiator and Troy but not much else. Perhaps too many people, like me, just think back to long, rainy Sunday afternoons and sigh at the thought. I couldn't bring myself to get excited about 300. All I could imagine was pontificating in togas and a bit of spear waving.

I was wrong.

300 replaces the lavish sets of yesteryear with a couple of rocks, three pillars and a stack of CGI but it ups the action a hundred-fold and delivers more rampaging men in loincloths than a Tarzan convention and more dismemberment than a carelessly unjammed combine harvester. (In an attempt to replicate the style of the original graphic novel, it does retain the traditional slightly odd colour, though.)

The result is an action film more gripping than any number of the identikit space operas and espionage thrillers that have been churned out over the last couple of decades.

Give it a shot.

Conclusion: Made on the cheap but with such style you won't notice.

Explosions: A few, thanks to the Persians' supply of hand-grenades. (No, really...)
Muscles: Everywhere.
Lunatics in loincloths: Three hundred.
Body count: Astronomical.
Hilarious cameos by a rhino: One.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: action (vol.2), action (vol.3), fantasy (vol.1), film review (vol.3), quick

 
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