Stuff for Dads

  Saints Row 2 (Xbox 360)

Rated: 18.

Story: You are the leader of the 3rd Street Saints, a gang which has wiped out the competition to control the city of Stilwater.

Well, you were...

You wake up from a lengthy coma to discover that there are new gangs in town, your old neighbourhood has been redeveloped and the Saints have disbanded. You're back to stealing loose change and dreaming of the big time.

Luckily, it doesn't take long to get hold of a bazooka and start causing some mayhem...

Gameplay: Think Grand Theft Auto with more explosions and even less realism.

Drive around town, taking on missions to gain the turf of rival gangs. These mostly involve some combination of driving, shooting and blowing stuff up. Occasionally you have to fly somewhere or guard something.

To unlock missions you have to earn respect by doing whatever activities you can find. There are dozens of options, from entering a demolition derby to throwing yourself in front of traffic to commit insurance fraud. Even driving dangerously earns respect, adding spice to every journey.

Save System: Autosave after each mission.

Comments: The original Saints Row was disparaged for being nothing more than a blatant copy of Grand Theft Auto III with better graphics, improved combat and mid-mission checkpoints. Quite why people would want to complain about a version of GTA with most of the major irritations removed is a mystery, however. I thought it was rather fun (in a Daily Mail-baiting kind of way).

Saints Row 2 is pretty similar, except it's Grand Theft Auto IV with worse graphics, improved combat and mid-mission checkpoints. If it's a while since you played the first game, you're going to struggle to spot the differences. The most noticeable are helicopters, planes and some extra types of side mission, such as protecting celebs from harassment and pretending to be a cop for reality TV. The 'Stronghold' missions to capture enemy territory have also been made more interesting. The story is remarkably familiar, only this time the main character has plenty of dialogue but the plot is slightly weaker.

The main gripe is that the whole thing is a little rough around the edges with slightly substandard graphics and a number of bugs. The final few missions are a little underwhelming as well. Less of a problem (but still annoying) are numerous references to the first game without giving a proper recap.

Saints Row 2 is nowhere near as clever or impressive as GTA IV. It is more fun, though. The simple street layouts keep it accessible and there's always something fun to do. Dull journeys are avoided and messing up normally results in a little setback rather than teeth-grinding punishment.

Obviously, this isn't a game for children - it's full of swearing, drugs, violence and sexual references - but it's not going to bring an end to civilisation. The over-the-top nature of it all firmly separates it from reality. Impressively, however, the script somehow manages to portray the homicidal psychopaths in your gang as likable people you'd want to go for a beer with. Then, every so often, they do something that's just plain nasty, bringing you up short and putting all their other actions back into scary perspective. Ultimately, this gives a better insight into the nature of evil than any number of World War II games where you get to heroically slaughter Nazis.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into it and it is all about driving dangerously and shooting things...

Conclusion: Saints Row 1.5.

Graphics: The options menu lets you choose between slow-down or screen-tear, so it's safe to say there are plenty of minor issues. Nothing interferes with the fun, though, and good art design frequently makes Saints Row 2 more interesting to look at than many more technically competent games. Only some barren interior locations let things down.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: computer game review, computer game review (vol.4), Xbox 360

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:30 AM - Permanent Link - 2 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  Nerf N-Strike (Wii)

Rated: 7+.

Story: You've been enlisted to a secret organisation and must undergo a training programme which involves shooting robots with Nerf guns. Score higher than the other candidates in all the tests and you're in.

Or at least that's what the sinister robot who recruits you says...

Gameplay: Point the wiimote at the screen to aim a cursor. Press B to shoot.

There are around twenty different tests, about a third of which are shooting gallery challenges - shoot all the red robots as they appear, for instance, or hold off an onslaught of robots flying towards you in waves. There are also three standard lightgun game sections where you traipse automatically through grey corridors, firing on any robots which show up.

Some of the tests are much more imaginative, though, requiring such things as knocking balls into goals. The best bits are the block challenges which mimic BOOM BLOX - hit various blocks off a platform without dislodging the gold ones or blast a path clear to a goal block through a tower of other blocks.

Save System: Automatic save after each event.

Comments: Every so often I get sent stuff to review. Some of it is obviously brilliant, other stuff takes a while to grow on me but seldom am I presented with anything where my initial reaction is to view it as a work of genius.

Actually, my first reaction with Nerf N-strike was to wonder why the postman was giving me a funny look. After he'd gone, I realised the parcel had this sticker on it:



No wonder he was worried.

Still, I opened it up to discover this:



It's a plastic gun which fires foam darts. With the press of a button, the dart mechanism can be removed and replaced with a wiimote (not included!). It's both a fully-functioning Nerf gun and a computer game controller. Genius! Someone somewhere is either very clever or getting a ten-year-old boy to design products for them (or possibly both).


The gun with the firing mechanism removed and a wiimote inserted.

Surprisingly, the Wii game that comes bundled with the gun isn't the complete pile of steaming nappies you might expect. The developers were obviously given a budget of tuppence but they've applied some imagination to make up for the limited options and bland graphics. The block shooting tasks in particular are a great idea and require some thought as well as accuracy. Overall there's a good mix of things to do and the game is fun and seldom frustrating.

Sadly, having to sit around shooting endless waves of robots in a warehouse isn't so good. Also, the bits where Nerf N-Strike mimics typical lightgun games, guiding you along corridors while you target enemies, are functional rather than inspired. The main problem, however, is that the single player game is very brief. It can be completed in under three hours (although unlocking all the weapons and gaining gold medals in every event will take longer). Adding proper high-score charts and more levels to the challenges would have taken little effort, so it's a shame they weren't included.

Multiplayer is where the longevity lies. Most of the tests can be played by four people simultaneously competing for the highest score. Up to ten events can be queued up to create a tournament with points awarded for player position in each round. Some of the events are absolute mayhem and they have the advantage of being easy to explain. Anyone with even the most basic knowledge of a wiimote can be ready to play in the time it takes for an event to load. If you've got visitors (whether adults or children), this is a great way to pass half an hour.

You can buy extra guns separately (RRP £12.99) but you don't need them. Since the cursor follows the movement of the gun instead of showing exactly where it's pointing, using a wiimote on its own works just as well (like in the target range in Wii Play). Holding the gun is more fun but it's a little heavy after a while. Oh, and be warned, I had to explain at great length to Sprog2 (almost 7) why we couldn't simply fire the real darts at the telly...

Of course, if you're trying to decide between this and the technicolor zombie blasting of House of the Dead: Overkill then you're really not going to opt for Nerf N-Strike. For children, the competition is much more limited. Nerf N-Strike isn't as polished as Link's Crossbow Training but it's less frustrating and has multiplayer.

Also, it comes with a Nerf gun.

Now, if only the postman didn't think I was a terrorist...

Conclusion: Feels like some training levels looking for a proper game to be part of. It's still fun, nonetheless, and has a riotous 4-way multiplayer which sure as heck beats playing Wii Bowling again.

Graphics: Grey arenas, corridors, rooms and warehouses. A handful of robots. Lots and lots of different Nerf guns.

Length: Very short.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), toy/game review, toy/game review (vol.5), wii

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:00 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  Orcs & Elves (DS)

Rated: 12+.

Story: You've taken a trip with your talking wand to visit the local mountain full of dwarves. When you arrive, however, you discover they're all gone, the tunnels are infested with monsters and some evil priestess is intent on taking over the world.

So it's a usual morning at parent and toddler, really...

Gameplay: You wander around a dungeon, whacking opponents over the head with a sword. The action is turn-based, so you move or attack and then the monsters move or attack. Defeating enemies earns experience. Get enough experience and you go up a level, becoming stronger and tougher.

As the game progresses you gain new spells and weapons.

Save System: Manual save at any time.

Comments: The DS is liable to be the best selling games console ever. Why don't Western developers want to make games for it? This is the only traditional Dungeons and Dragons inspired role-playing game on the system that I can think of.

Sadly, it's a conversion of a mobile phone game, so it's rather basic - trudge through mazes, locating keys to open up new mazes with fresh keys in them. There are a few block pushing puzzles and loads of monsters but not much depth. The main strategy comes from deciding when to drink potions and working out which weapons are most effective against particular monsters. It's barely more complicated than Doom. This being the case, the turn-based nature of events seems more a legacy from the game's mobile phone origins than a suitable choice for the DS. The role-playing elements should have been increased or it should have been made into a free-roaming shooter.

Nevertheless, Orcs and Elves is OK and a pleasant piece of nostalgia for those who have fond memories of Stonekeep and Dungeon Master.

Briefly, anyway.

Ultimately, however, it's a somewhat disappointing, stripped-down version of a twenty-year-old game.

Conclusion: Better than all the competition... Oh, hang on...

Graphics: Good enough. They'd look great on a mobile phone but the DS can cope with so much more. Can we have a proper Dungeon Master clone, please, someone...? Anyone...?

Length: Short.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), DS

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:00 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  Ellen Whitaker's Horse Life (DS)

Rated: 3+ but that's really just a warning that under-threes might try to eat the cartridge. There's plenty of text, so players will need to be able to read well.

Story: Your grandfather owns a stud farm and has given you a horse. Care for it, train it, earn riding diplomas and then compete in show jumping, dressage and cross-country events.

Gameplay: During each day of the game you can choose to perform a number of activities such as clean your horse, take it for a ride, stroke it or train it to do different manoeuvres and jumps. These activities all affect the horse's happiness, fitness and cleanliness. Do enough training and you can take a test to earn a riding diploma. Gaining diplomas unlocks competitions.

The game is controlled entirely with the stylus. Cleaning and brushing is handled in an obvious fashion by rubbing the stylus over your horse. Controlling the horse as it moves around uses a somewhat less obvious technique. You views events from a position behind the horse and slightly to the side. Tapping the horse's rear speeds it up and tapping its head slows it down as it follows a set path through the countryside or round an arena. The gameplay comes from pulling off jumps, turns and tricks. These involve tapping dots and tracing lines on the touchscreen at the correct speed as they appear.

It's like a sedate, equestrian version of Elite Beat Agents.

Winning competitions brings cash and the chance to buy new outfits, gear and better feed.

Save System: Autosave after every event.

Comments: There's no escaping that this is clearly a game aimed at ten-year-old girls who like ponies. I am not a ten-year-old girl nor have I ever been one. I don't have a ten-year-old daughter to fob this off on and have write the review for me. I don't even like ponies.

Given these issues and the post-traumatic stress I received from Baby Life, I wasn't entirely enthusiastic about the thought of playing Horse Life. I didn't feel there was much chance of it going well. Eventually, however, I slipped the cartridge into my DS and muddled my way through the pony creation process and some interminable text-based dialogue involving chats with old men and vets, before taking on the persona of a teenage girl and heading off into the woods on a horse.

Then the weirdest thing happened. Slowly, and against my better judgement, I started to enjoy myself...

Amazingly, Horse Life isn't merely tat cobbled together to throw onto the bandwagon of non-games, sims and casual titles for the DS. It's got gameplay to go with the horse-owning simulation. It has pretty graphics, a generally decent interface, plenty to do and there's even a bit of story involving teen rivalry and a spot of horse-nobbling. Quite honestly, this is probably more than ten-year-old girls who like ponies have grown to expect from DS games.

The mechanics of riding the horses is similar to the tried-and-tested controls used in recent rhythm action games. It's just as much fun but doesn't involve as much rhythm. Being unable to follow a beat, I like this twist a lot. Also, while there's quite a challenge to be had performing a perfect run, the game is pretty lenient when you mess up, cutting down on frustration.

On the downside, having to train and muck-out stables when you simply want to get on with show jumping can get tedious. This is possibly quite realistic, though, and actually a reason to give it to any offspring you have who want their own pony. If they complain it's dull, remind them that at least it's not risking injury or bankruptcy, and they're not having to get up at six in the morning to traipse to the stables in the rain.

Once they appreciate this, you might be able to bargain them down from the pony to a pet gerbil.

Conclusion: If you need to buy a gift for a girl who's around ten years old, likes ponies and has a DS, then this might be exactly what you're looking for. As a bonus, you can get her to do all the hard work training and cleaning a horse, then you can sneak a few goes at three-day-eventing without having to touch a virtual shovel full of horse poo.

Graphics: Surprisingly good. Many of the cross-country tracks are very pleasant to look at and the horse animation is excellent. Only Ellen Whitaker fans are liable to be disappointed, since she doesn't really feature and it appears suspiciously as if her name was added to the game at the last moment.

Length: Decent. There are plenty of competitions to unlock. High score tables for each event would have been good to increase longevity, though.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), DS

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:00 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  DadsDinner Awards for 2008

Welcome to a low-down on the best and worst that's been released in 2008. Well, actually, not all of this stuff was released in 2008 - it's more a low-down on the best and worst stuff reviewed by DadsDinner in the last year.

Er, hang on, I haven't got round to reviewing all this yet. And I've probably forgotten stuff. Oh, and if I gave a list of the worst stuff, it would be full of obvious tat for the Wii and DS and I can't be bothered with that.

So...

Welcome to a low-down on some of the best and most disappointing stuff that DadsDinner may or may not have reviewed in 2008.

Hmmm... I think I may have to hire a second-rate comedian and an X-Factor runner-up to present this next year and add an extra touch of professionalism...

Now, without further ado, here are the categories:

Films

The Best

The Dark Knight - As I keep saying, all superhero franchises should somehow start with a sequel. This second film in the new era is markedly better than Batman Begins and is packed full of action, mayhem and moral deliberation. Would you press the button?

Stardust - A sparkling, witty, hugely imaginative adventure that's the best thing since The Princess Bride.

The Disappointing

Hellboy 2 - Then again, maybe I'm wrong about the superhero sequels. This is a disastrous mix of lacklustre humour and out-of-place special effects. It's like the first film got spliced with Labyrinth. I kept expecting a bunch of muppets to turn up.

Battlestar Galactica Season 4 - The plot went pear-shaped in the last episode of Season 3 and things never entirely recover. It's still good but just not great.

WALL-E - Dull, dull, dull. Shoot me now.

Computer Games

The Best

Civilization Revolution - A turn-based strategy game that's accessible enough to just pick up and play but complicated enough to be entirely engrossing. Experimentally proven to be better than beer.

Fallout 3 - A post-apocalyptic adventure in the nuked remains of Washington DC. Sure, the combat is sometimes a little ropey and scavenging for supplies can get annoying, but how many other games can serve up totally fresh situations and experiences after thirty-five hours? Fallout 3 has the most fully-realised world in gaming.

Dead Space - It doesn't offer anything much new but this is the best survival horror game in a while. The graphics are excellent and there are any number of scares. If the sequel has better puzzles, it will be superb.

The Disappointing

GTA IV - Over-familiar, bloated and squint-inducing. Oh dear...

Card and Board Games

The Best

UNO - A simple card game that requires a little strategy and a whole heap of concentration. It can keep the entire family occupied for hours.

Cadoo - Pictionary, Charades and a couple of quiz games all rolled into one. Most importantly, it even works with two players.

Actually the worst

Junior Scrabble - Dull, dull, dull. Hit me over the head with a copy of WALL-E now.

Other stuff

The Best

Iceland chopped onions and peppers - I stopped buying fresh onions because I always discovered them turning blue at the back of the fridge a few weeks later. I hardly ever got round to chopping them. Now I can just rummage around in the freezer and pull out all the diced onion I could possibly want. It's an instant way to add flavour and vitamins to almost any meal.

Aveeno - Moisturising cream with the power of oatmeal! Fantastic on eczema and almost any other minor skin complaint.

Battery converters - They magically turn AA batteries into C and D batteries. This is very, very useful.

PlayStations and Pooh - One housedad's struggle to remain chirpy in a world full of sleep-deprived women and toddlers with toilet issues. Go read it now!

LOVEFiLM - Unlimited DVDs and games delivered to your door. Vast choice, excellent service, a great price and you get exciting post! Go on, you know you want to...

The Disappointing

Bath toys - Liable to go manky if combined with bath water. This is something of a design flaw... Rinse out some plastic bottles and give them to the kids instead.

Well there we have it. Give a big round of applause to the winners and shake your head sorrowfully as the losers shuffle off in shame. Feel free to add your own suggestions if I've missed anything.

And that's it for 2008. We're back to whatever random tack I can lay my hands on next time. Happy New Year!

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), film review (vol.6), other, toy/game review (vol.5)

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:00 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  100 Classic Book Collection (DS)

Features: This cartridge contains a virtual bookshelf of one hundred complete classic novels and plays. Featured authors include: Austin, Dickens, Carroll, Bunyan, Hardy, Wilde, Shakespeare, Bronte (x3), Wilde, Stevenson and Verne. The DS is held sideways (like in Brain Training) and the stylus is used to 'flick' to the next page, to make the experience more like leafing through a hardback. You can even play background noise to mimic sitting in locations like a forest or a coffee shop.

The cartridge has room for around another ten books which can be downloaded via a wi-fi connection. Once read, these can be deleted to make room for more but currently there are only ten to choose from anyway.

Comments: This is almost brilliant. Portable devices for reading e-books are still relatively expensive and unusual but there are millions of DSs in the UK. People of all ages have them and are used to carrying them around and taking them on holiday. Why hasn't anyone thought of combining the technologies before? Why are we only now receiving the benefits of the first DS book experiment?

The reason e-book readers haven't caught on is that they're too expensive for people to risk taking to the beach or using in the bath. There's also the suspicion that e-books will be almost as expensive as physical books and come with the joys of DRM. Suddenly, for only £20, all of us with a DS can carry around a library in our pocket containing a vast swathe of books we meant to read at some point but haven't quite got round to: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Kidnapped, Alice in Wonderland, the list goes on... Brilliant!

Well, as I said, almost...

This is still very much an experiment. The designer seemed to think the reason that e-readers haven't caught on is that we like the physical feel of books - the shape, the page turning, the ability to sit them on a shelf - and every effort has been made to duplicate the book experience. In pretty much every instance, this has made the DS experience worse.

For instance, even with the smallest font size, The Three Musketeers has 5000 pages, so turning each one with the stylus would be immensely irritating. Happily, though, this particular problem can be avoided by using buttons.

Surely having to read the titles of books sideways on a bookshelf is a matter of necessity rather than design? Why simulate it? A virtual stack of books doesn't topple over if you remove the bottom one. Once again, the problem can be overcome (by turning the DS round) but it's another bizarre experimental choice.

Also, does anyone really want to have their DS play background noises to simulate an airport lounge (complete with bing-bongs)... or a moving train... or being slowly baked alive...? The last one is supposed to be a 'hot summer day' but you could have fooled me. Thankfully, these ambient sounds don't need to be switched on, nonetheless their inclusion at all is something of a mystery.

The major issue, however, can't be avoided. By forcing users to hold the DS like a book with the two screens showing different pages of text, 100 CBC ensures that each line of text is very short. This takes a lot of getting used to. It's not so bad with some books - Around the World in 80 Days and Huckleberry Finn are fine to read - but books with long words and rambling sentences (try some Poe) are hard work when there are only two and a half words per line. It's like trying to read table tennis.

This is a shame, since there is a lot to be said for the reading experience otherwise. The contrast level with a DS Lite on its lowest brightness setting doesn't cause eye-strain. It's also possible to read in the dark. Why there isn't an option to hold the DS the normal way up and have slightly longer lines of text is yet another mystery.

The only real use of the DS's abilities to enhance the package is the option to download fresh books. It's fantastic that extra titles are available but there are no promises that the selection will increase. Also, the feature seems rather tacked on. Although the books all come with introductions and author biographies, these aren't available before download - there's just a list of titles and file sizes. Since the downloads are free, this isn't a disaster, but it's not hugely informative.

If you're thinking of buying a DS to get an e-book reader on the cheap, then you'll be disappointed. The 100 Classic Book Collection isn't brilliant. It is, nevertheless, almost brilliant. If you have a DS already, this is a great way to sneak a stack of books around with you wherever you go - a stack of books with very small pages but that take up almost none of your baggage allowance and that you can read in the dark. If you want to catch up on your classics, it's definitely worth checking out.

Conclusion: Despite the curious presentation, this is still a library in your pocket.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: book review, computer game review (vol.4), DS

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

10:00 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  Baby Life (DS)

Rated: 3+.

Story: You're a nursery organiser who's adopted a nine-month-old baby. You have the joy of looking after the baby, going to work to look after the baby and some other babies and then coming home to look after the baby.

Suffice to say, to play this you're going to have to like babies (and be under twelve and female, but that's another story).

Gameplay: First you must answer some multiple choice questions to create your unique baby. Then you must feed him/her, clothe her, play with her, clean her and get her to go to sleep. A couple of taps on the touchscreen calls up a map of the house, allowing access to the different areas, such as the garden for playing and the kitchen for feeding.

You can 'talk' to your baby by drawing various symbols. The baby then smiles, cries or looks blank, seemingly at random, forcing you to do everything you can possibly think of to make it happy, just to be on the safe side. Then it cries anyway. This is scarily realistic.

Every day you must head off to the nursery and spend some time keeping between two and four children happy. The nursery is depicted by a series of 2D rooms. Thought bubbles appear above the kids' heads, showing what they want or where they wish to go. You have to tap the objects or drag the children about in the most efficient manner possible in order to keep everyone content. The four rooms available each involve slightly different tasks and stylus movements but the gameplay is very similar.

Success at the nursery leads happy parents to shower you with gifts. These are mostly new kiddie clothes and toys, such as a music player to make your baby dance and a remote-control dinosaur.

Over time, your baby grows and develops. The nursery sessions get longer.

Save System: Regular auto-save.

Comments: A few weeks ago I wrote a Dear Dave on gender stereotyping, speculating how my children might react to Baby Life. The PR people sent me a copy to test my theories.

I got my predictions dead wrong and the kids went almost totally with stereotype. The boys took one look at the pink box with a hideously cute baby on the front and said, "Did they make a mistake, Daddy, and think you were a girl?"

Sproglette, meanwhile, gazed at it in awe and longingly muttered, "It says '3+' on it. Does that mean I can play it? I want to play it. I'm four. I can play. Let's go and play it..."

She's never shown any interest in touching a DS before.

As I suspected, playing it myself was like a traumatic flashback to a time of sleep deprivation and slime. I kept glancing at the virtual clock, wondering how soon I could get away with bedtime. If you have a partner or spouse who's keen on having another child but you're not so sure about the idea yourself, you might want to get them playing this for an hour or two. Chances are, before long, they'll be swearing and yelling, "Go to sleep, you annoying baby! I've already fed you five times and changed your nappy. It's time to sleep. I don't want to play with a cuddly sheep any more! Why won't you go to sleep? I just want to go and sit down with a glass of wine... sob..." (If it backfires and your partner sits glued to the screen, sighing things like, "Look at the way she dances. Isn't she cute?" there's no harm done - you were probably stuffed anyway.)

Sproglette loves playing with her baby. Now I've got her past all the text-heavy tutorials, she takes great delight in feeding him and cleaning him and chasing him round the garden with the dinosaur. She giggles at him dancing and makes him wear a silly hat. Sprog2 (6) has even started showing an interest. Whether Sproglette will ever let go of the DS long enough for him to have a shot is another question, however.

Sproglette isn't so keen on the nursery sections. They're a little beyond her at the moment. To be honest, they're not great anyway. The gameplay and graphics wouldn't trouble a Commodore 64. Worse, they don't always seem to notice player inputs, leading to confusion and frustration. Quite frankly, they're dull and slightly broken. Happily, it's possible to skip them but the downside is that this unlocks fewer new items to use in the home.

Essentially, Baby Life is about pottering around a house with a baby. Boys will be instantly put off by the box art but any girl who is drawn in by the cute toddler on the cover is liable to have some fun.

Conclusion: Certain girls will love it. For everyone else, it's more of a contraceptive than a game...

Graphics: The 3D graphics in the home are impressive. The 2D graphics in the nursery are pretty good... for 1987.

Length: Theoretically, it could last a while.

Rating: 3/5 (on the basis this isn't a videogame but an interactive, virtual doll).

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), DS

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:00 AM - Permanent Link - 2 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  Facebreaker KO Party (Wii)

Rated: 12+.

Gameplay: Choose from one of a dozen comedy stereotypes (nerd, cool black guy, psycho Russian, etc) and enter boxing tournaments which are merely a succession of bouts against the other characters.

Although the fighters are depicted in 3D, the fights are essentially two-dimensional. You move left and right using the thumbstick and then waggle the wiimote and nunchuk furiously to attack, while occasionally stabbing at buttons to block and throw. You can punch high and low and mix up a selection of quick, hard and special attacks. These attacks have a scissors/paper/stone relationship.

Fully draining an opponents health bar results in a knock-out. Three knock-outs wins the bout.

Save System: Auto-save after each bout.

Comments: Considering the Wii comes bundled with a game that offers not only boxing but four other sports as well, a stand-alone boxing game needs to be pretty special to justify its existence. To this end, Facebreaker adds some flashy graphics, comedy and a deeper combat system. Unfortunately, in ditching Wii Sport's first-person perspective for a standard side-on beat-em-up view, the game loses most of the connection between the player's movement and the action on the screen.

Yep, that's right, get READY to WAGGLE!

There is some strategy to the fighting but often everything moves too quickly to clearly spot what's going on. Sadly, the single-player game provides little incentive to persevere and get to grips with the system. Multiplayer games, meanwhile, turn into a frantic display of arm-flailing as participants struggle to grasp the mechanics. Since the game is obviously intended as party entertainment, this is a problem. It seems Facebreaker's main purpose is as something to play if you've got friends round and they've had enough to drink to make Wii Tennis a danger to your light fittings.

Two people can play a wacky variant with added power-ups and minigames. Four people can take part in a tournament. Only two players can actually play at once, however, and as the bouts can become protracted, the remaining players are liable to be sitting around for a while. Bear in mind that they'll spend this spare time rifling through your DVD rack looking to see what else there is to play...

Conclusion: Mildly amusing for not very long.

Graphics: The fighters look impressive and the animation is good but there's not much else to it.

Length: Very short.

Rating: 2/5.

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), wii

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:30 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  Skate It (Wii)

Rated: 7+.

Story: The city of San Vanelona has been hit by a series of natural disasters. All is not completely lost, however, since this has handily created some excellent impromptu skate parks. Practice your skills, get filmed pulling some tricks and then join the professionals, performing acts of skateboarding derring-do around the world.

Or, if you're as uncoordinated as me, wrap yourself round a railing and then bump down some stairs on your face. Over and over again.

Gameplay: You must skateboard around large levels, completing challenges to unlock new events and locations. Challenges usually involve racking up a certain number of points by landing enough tricks within a time-limit, in an unbroken run or on a particular piece of scenery.

There are three available methods of control.

• The wiimote can be used on its own, rotating it to steer, tipping it forwards and backwards to tip the board, and flicking it and waggling it to do tricks.
• The nunchuk can be attached to the wiimote, allowing the thumbstick to be used for steering.
• The wiimote and Wii Balance Board can be used together. Steering is achieved by leaning and tricks are pulled by putting weight on a particular part of the board. The wiimote's buttons are used for things like kicking off and braking.

Save System: Autosave after completing tasks. The save file takes up around 125 blocks of the Wii's internal memory, though, compared with 1 block for most games. You may need to clear some space.

Comments: When the controls for the Wii were first demonstrated, gamers the world over dreamed of myriad possibilities: sword fights and light-sabre duels, torch pointing and drum playing, billiards and basketball. All kinds of things.

Unfortunately, the wiimote isn't actually up to most of these things and plenty of games limit themselves to using the buttons with a touch of gimmicky waggling thrown in. Apart from shooting games, two years on, Wii Sports, Wii Play and Wario Ware remain the best examples of the wiimote being put to good use. As for the Balance Board, the most entertaining use for it I've heard of since Wii Fit came out is in Rayman Raving Rabbids TV Party - that apparently allows me to toboggan down a virtual mountain using only my bottom to steer.

Fun as that sounds, I suspect it's not really the zenith of intuitive and accessible gaming that people were expecting. Suffice to say, no one seems to have delivered on Nintendo's early promises for the Wii...

Woh, hold on a minute. Look at this! Skate It has three different control methods and they ALL use the Wii's various controllers in imaginative ways. Tilting the wiimote backwards and forwards and seeing the skater on screen react accordingly recaptures the magic of playing Wii Tennis for the first time. Leaning this way and that on the Balance Board to steer, then pressing hard to jump and flip, is fantastically fresh and exciting.

Well, for a bit...

The problem is, whichever way you play, Skate It is at least twice as hard as any other skateboarding game. Using the Balance Board is about four times as hard. Just skating in a straight line can be hard work and tricky. Pulling off stunts at the same time without either a real or virtual injury, is almost beyond my worn and exhausted housedad body. I can't imagine children much under twelve coping with it at all.

More than that, the controls can be imprecise. Performing specific tricks consistently (either by foot-pressing or frantic waggling) is next to impossible. Luckily, this doesn't affect gameplay much, since in most challenges, any old trick will do.

You can skate around looking for the challenges but it's much easier choosing them from the menu and jumping straight there. Handily, you can also set a marker at the beginning of a good line and teleport straight back with ease if you mess up the run. Together, these things cut down on frustration considerably but make the game feel disjointed. There's no great compulsion to master the controls and keep going.

Nonetheless, if you have a Wii, a Balance Board and a gnarly teenager in need of distraction, then Skate It is worth a look. If you don't know a manual from an ollie and you're a little lacking in coordination you might want to stick with a rental or avoid it entirely.

Conclusion: The most thoughtful use of Wii controls yet... but you'll need to like skateboarding quite a lot to persevere.

Graphics: Good enough. There's a long draw distance and the animation is fine. Unfortunately, some of the locations are bland and ugly.

Length: That depends. If you got into, you could spend a long time perfecting your tricks. It's just as likely you'll give up in despair after half an hour, though.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), wii

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:00 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  Need for Speed Undercover (Wii)

Rated: 12+. According to the box, this rating is due to bad language but I can't say I noticed any. One thing I did notice, however, was having to constantly take out police cars by dropping scenery on them or nudging them into on-coming civilian vehicles.

Apparently, this is legitimate behaviour if you're an undercover cop...

Story: You're working for the FBI to infiltrate an international crime syndicate via the street-racing scene. This involves breaking pretty much every vehicle-related law known to man.

Gameplay: Lots of driving at high speed through urban environments and on freeways. There are standard missions, such as races and competing against the clock, but there are also others involving such things as outrunning the police, taking down bosses and delivering stolen cars with minimal damage.

It's possible to drive around town looking for missions but, thankfully, this isn't compulsory. A couple of button presses can take you directly to the next race.

The game supports the Wii wheel but you can still use motion-sensing to steer without it. If you prefer to use a control stick, the nunchuk, GameCube controller and classic controller are all supported.

Save System: Autosave after every mission.

Comments: At first glance, it's hard to work out who this Wii version of the latest Need for Speed is aimed at. The relatively mature content means that kids will be better off with Mario Kart. The ugly graphics mean that teenagers will complain it's not a patch on Burnout Paradise on their mate's 360. Anyone who's a fan of racing games in general is liable to laugh at the way cars bounce off corners and opponents seem to slow down to let the player past.

So who's left?

After careful consideration, I've decided it's dads who want an occasional shot of driving recklessly on their kids' console once they're all safely tucked up in bed. Particularly dads who've had a beer and really can't be bothered to use the brake button.

Need for Speed Undercover is a racing game for those who are easily bored or defeated by racing games. The brief races, easy difficulty and constant variation make it addictive. The daft plot, some simple car upgrading and a few live-action movie sequences involving Maggie Q add some direction. The result is simply more entertaining for those lacking commitment than other, more serious, games like Gran Turismo and Project Gotham.

That said, it's certainly not a classic game by any stretch of the imagination. The graphics are ropey and the free-roaming is mostly pointless. The artificial intelligence of the other drivers is simply bizarre - racers seem almost unable to drive while police cars somehow manage to keep up, no matter what you do, until you drop a pylon on them. In most missions, your car is ludicrously indestructible; in a few, a handful of scrapes mean failure. (This was hugely frustrating until I realised I could change to the 'Easy' difficulty setting at any time.) The script makes The Fast and the Furious look almost competent.

Still, if you want shiny, polished racers requiring skill and perseverance, you should go buy a 360 anyway. If you just want to waggle a Wii wheel about crazily once the kids are in bed, this is quite fun.

Conclusion: A racing game for those who like the idea of driving fast but simply aren't very good at it.

Graphics: Poor. This is partly so the game can cope with moving through the open city at high speed but it's not like there are any pedestrians or there's even that much traffic. The set-piece sequences where you destroy objects to throw off a chase look particularly creaky. It all suggests that this is a quick conversion of a PS2 game. The Wii can do better.

Length: Medium.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), wii

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:00 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (Xbox 360)

Rated: 12

Story: The Force Unleashed is set between the prequels and the proper Star Wars movies and you play Darth Vader's secret apprentice, hunting down the few remaining Jedi in the galaxy to 'retire' them.

The plot takes in the origins of the Rebel Alliance and features the occasional familiar character. Ultimately, the George-Lucas-approved revelations aren't that startling but it certainly all beats Attack of the Clones.

Gameplay: Run through linear levels, fighting anything that gets in your way, in an effort to reach the boss and whack him/her/it with a big, glowing stick.

Besides carrying a light-sabre, you also gain various Force abilities as the game goes on. You can pick up objects and enemies with the power of your mind and fling them around, shoot lightning from your fingertips and blast enemies away from you, among other things.

There are hidden bonuses to discover and there's some leaping around platforms but it's hardly Tomb Raider.

Save System: Loading a saved game returns you to the last checkpoint reached. This isn't usually a problem since the checkpoints are mostly close together.

Comments: No matter how many sub-standard films, games and plastic figurines the Lucas empire churns out, there is a part of many males my age that will forever go misty-eyed at the mention of Death Stars and Princess Leia...

Thus it was with a certain amount of nostalgic hope (but not much expectation), that I put The Force Unleashed into the disc tray and booted it up. It speaks volumes about the quality of recent Star Wars output that I was pleasantly surprised to be greeted by a game of almost complete mediocrity.

Charging around with a light-sabre while throwing enemies about with psychic powers is always entertaining but the experience is constantly bogged down by linear levels, uninspiring design, dumb AI, repetitive combat and slightly awkward controls. Taking on an AT-ST or rancor beast is exhilarating the first time; by the fifth time it's somewhat tiresome. After a while, the game becomes something of a trudge as you return to locations that have already been visited in order to beat up yet more goons.

Thankfully there are only ten levels, so seeing the story play out doesn't take long. Plenty of areas can even be sprinted through without fighting, helping to get things over with.

That said, The Force Unleashed isn't awful. There are plenty of nice touches, including interactive scenery, great facial animation and an exhaustive database, but, in general, the game is rather sloppy. Fortunately, the warm glow of Star Wars saves it. If you're still struggling to focus thanks to my previous reference to giant space weapons and gold-bikini'd royalty, you'll probably be prepared to overlook some of the short-comings and simply enjoy indulging your inner Jedi.

Just bear in mind that there are plenty of better games to play first...

Conclusion: Don't expect genius but it's worth a rental if flinging Imperial storm troopers around with the Force sounds like fun.

Graphics: Pretty enough, although the locations are seldom striking and a couple of the levels are simply dull. The game judders a bit sometimes. (Try going misty-eyed again and you won't notice so much. Think of Ewoks or something.)

Length: Short, verging on the Very Short.

Rating: 3/5 if you're a fan of Star Wars, else 2/5.

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), Xbox 360

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:15 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  A summer of games

There are at least nine potentially great games coming out on Xbox 360 in the next three weeks. That's more than in the entire year so far put together. No one has time and money for them all. Games publishers are crazy.

Before this deluge hits, here are some thoughts on the games I've played over the last few months but haven't had the chance to review. If I don't share them now, it's just not going to happen.

In fairness, some of the games I didn't play that much but, you know, that was because they weren't very good. If a game hasn't got interesting after a couple of hours then something is seriously wrong...

Warhammer: Battle March (15) - Xbox 360 - Hurrah a real-time strategy game set in the Warhammer universe created by Games Workshop! There's no faffing with gathering resources or building bases, it's merely a simple case of arranging your army and leading it tactically into battle...

Er, so was that hold down the right-trigger, press left on the d-pad and then tap A or was it click the left-stick, tap the right-bumper and then hold X? No, no, that's not right... Maybe it was the right-trigger, left on the d-pad and then Y... Oh, never mind, I'll just select everything I can see and charge those goblins... If I can untangle my fingers, that is...

Seriously, the controls have been made too complicated in order to fit in a host of complex commands, meaning even simple commands are impossible to pull off in the heat of conflict. Worse, there's no way to save during battles, so a single screw-up results in going all the way back to the start of the level.

Broken. Even the script is dreadful. 3/5 if you're a desperate Warhammer fan, else 1/5.

Pure (3+) - Xbox 360 - Drive a quad bike around at crazy speeds, doing crazy jumps and pulling crazy tricks in order to go at even crazier speeds. Looks great but upgrading your bike is fiddly and having to pull tricks all the time to earn boost can get wearying. Personally I prefer Burnout Revenge but this is definitely worth a rental. 4/5.

Condemned 2 (18) - Xbox 360 - The original Condemned was a decent launch title for the 360 with a scary journey through crumbling buildings on the trail of a serial killer. The hand-to-hand combat was excellent but the story was rather vague and the gameplay and environments were rather repetitive.

Oddly, the demo makes the sequel look like more of the same and I was somewhat nervous about even bothering to rent it. I'm glad I did. The developers have worked hard to improve almost every aspect of the original. The combat is even better and there's much more to see and do. Puzzles break up the action well. The forensic investigation is still hardly CSI but it does require some thought this time round.

The atmosphere is fantastic. 4/5.

Conan (18) - Xbox 360 - Hack, hack, hack, jump, hack, stupendous limb-severing hack, hack, jump, hack, cataclysmic whirling hack of death, hack, repeat.

If you've played the demo you've pretty much seen it all apart from the occasional topless slave girl.

Travel back in time and give the game to your teenage self. 2/5.

Metroid Prime 3 (12+) - Wii - Step into the shoes of a futuristic bounty hunter, shoot things and hunt out new equipment.

Exactly like Metroid Prime but with different controls. Being able to aim with the wiimote is great but having to frequently use awkward-to-reach buttons is a pain. The motion-sensing is pretty irritating too. Combine this with the reappearing opponents, lack of checkpointing, constant traipsing about, first-person platforming and the need to search out savepoints, and it all feels rather like hard work.

Some people love the exploration and atmosphere, though. 3/5.

House of the Dead 2 and 3 (15) - Wii - Shoot zombies using the wiimote as you're moved around automatically. Sadly, using the wiimote isn't as much fun as using a proper lightgun and running out of lives sends you all the way back to the beginning of the entire game to suffer the ugly graphics and awful voice-acting all over again. 2/5.

Assassin's Creed (16+) - Xbox 360 - Leap across rooftops as a Medieval assassin, do it again, possibly ride a horse for miles, suffer a hugely tedious cutscene and then leap across some more rooftops. Scarily, this is actually less interesting than it sounds and that's not even taking into account the modern-day subplot set in an office.

Assassin's Creed's huge world looks great but it's empty of gameplay. A sandbox game without any sand. 2/5.

Grand Theft Auto IV (18) - Xbox 360 - Travel round a vast city, undertake violent missions and build your own criminal empire. Again.

You can go bowling, play darts and surf an entire fake internet but the city's a maze, getting places is often dull, the difficulty is all over the shop and there's still no checkpointing or proper mission restart option. Oh, and the distance-blurring effect made me squint the whole time and gave me a headache when I played on an HD display, but some of the text was barely readable on a normal telly. Despite enjoying previous GTA games I really didn't have much fun.

There's plenty of sand in this sandbox... but it's all a little dry. Disappointing. Play Saints Row instead. 3/5.

Zack and Wiki - Quest for Barbaros' Treasure (7+) - Wii - A point-and-click adventure. Wander around collecting objects and use them to solve puzzles. Use a saw to cut down a pole and then hold the pole in a fire to make a torch to see in dark tunnels, that sort of thing.

This would be great if it didn't have a tendency to frequently and unexpectedly kill you and send you right back to the start of the level. The game uses the wiimote well but it quickly becomes too frustrating to be fun.

May make you want to cut it up with a saw and then set fire to it. 3/5.

So there we have it. Summary: Rent Pure or Condemned 2 to tide you over the last few days until Fallout 3 comes out...

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), wii, Xbox 360

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:00 PM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post

  Sonic Chronicles - The Dark Brotherhood (DS)

Rated: 7+. Since players will probably need to be at least seven to read all the text anyway, this isn't much of an issue.

Story: Some mysterious assailants dressed in black have kidnapped Knuckles, stolen the chaos emeralds and put in action a plan to take over the world. Sonic the Hedgehog and his friends must search them out and defeat them. Along the way, they must also confront Eggman once again, collect plenty of gold rings and help Cream the Rabbit find her lost chao, Cheese.

Yeah, exactly... If you don't even know that Knuckles is an echidna, then you're going to be struggling a little here.

Gameplay: This isn't like any other Sonic game. It's not about running at warp speed or jumping on monsters' heads. Instead, it mixes sedate exploring with turn-based battles.

You can have up to four characters in your team but only the currently selected character is visible on screen. You get to guide them around with the stylus. Interesting people and objects can be interacted with by tapping on an icon. Characters can employ abilities such as flying, smashing crates or dashing to get past obstacles in the environment. Again, this is achieved by tapping on an icon rather than utilising arcade skills.

Bump into any enemies wandering the landscape and the game cuts to a battle screen where your team stand in a line, facing the enemy who also stand in a line. Each team member can be ordered to attack, defend, use an item or to attempt to use a special power, such as a healing spell or an armour-piercing blow. Once everyone has orders, the results play automatically (with the DS essentially rolling dice to see who hits and how much damage is done). It's worth staying awake, however, because pulling off powers and defending against them requires success at short, rhythm-based minigames. These involve keeping the stylus in a moving circle or tapping areas of the screen with the correct timing. (If you've played Elite Beat Agents, then the concept will seem very familiar.)

Winning battles and completing quests brings experience points and items. Accumulate enough of these and characters go up in level, making them stronger and unlocking new skills. Items and equipment can be bought in shops using rings. Eggs can be found lying around and hatched into little creatures called chao that give characters additional abilities.

Yep, Sonic Chronicles is a lot like Final Fantasy with hedgehogs...

Save System: It's possible to save at any time while not in a conversation or battle. Happily, loading the saved game returns you to exactly where you left off. There's no being sent back to base simply for having the temerity to stop for lunch and there's no need to play for an extra twenty minutes in order to reach the next save point.

The only problem is that it's slightly too easy to save over someone else's saved game...

Comments: This game is initially a little strange. Sonic the Hedgehog is renowned for speed, so making him plod around the countryside, solving switch puzzles and chatting to old woodcutters, is something of a change of pace. (Worse, in my case, Tails' annoying perkiness gave me flashbacks to the overdose of Sonic cartoons I was forced to endure in the Spring.)

As with many role-playing games, you start with a single, first-level character who has no equipment and few skills. This considerably limits options for fighting and exploring, and means Sonic Chronicles takes a while to get going. Persevere through the first hour of instructions, back story and restricted choices, though, and things pick up. Extra characters introduce more tactics and open up new paths.

Winning later fights is heavily dependent on using special powers at the correct moment and succeeding in the rhythm minigames. This brings a good mix of tactics and skill to the battles. Defeating opponents isn't necessarily hard but it's never a foregone conclusion, either. That said, the battles can get repetitive during extended play. There are only three or four possible sets of opponents in each area and fighting the same formation of helicopter robots for the twelfth time in half an hour can become irritating. Thankfully, unlike Final Fantasy, there are no random battles. Enemies can be seen approaching and evaded by running round them. This doesn't earn any experience points but it avoids exploring becoming too frustrating, particularly in locations where monsters reappear within a minute of being defeated.

Hunting out all the rings, chao eggs and hidden items in the levels breaks up the battling and is the most entertaining part of the game. The small areas and handy map on the top screen encourage obsessive collecting of loot.

Still, this isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea. Much depends on being able to put up with Sonic and his pals. The dialogue is actually pretty good but having to play as a rabbit called Cream is just... well... unsettling... The save anywhere feature and the lack of random battles make Sonic Chronicles more accessible than many other examples of the genre, however. It uses the stylus well, can be played in short bursts and causes quiet moments to fly by. It's the kind of game that the DS was made for.

Sprog1 (age 8) is halfway through and really enjoying it.

I don't think even he knows what an echidna is, though...

Conclusion: This is a very competent role-playing game for children. It's reasonably forgiving, not too complex and packed full of Sonic the Hedgehog and friends.

Unfortunately, the same features may well put off adults. Nonetheless, if you can see beyond the anthropomorphic bunnies, Sonic Chronicles is an addictive alternative to the 'serious' role-playing games out there.

Graphics: The battles can be bland but everything else looks good.

Length: Medium.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: computer game review (vol.3), computer game review (vol.4), DS

 
Agree? Disagree? Got a question? Add your comment here.

9:30 AM - Permanent Link - 0 comments - Post comment - Links to this post