Stuff for Dads

  Deja Vu (DVD)

Starring: Denzel Washington, Val Kilmer, James Caviezel

Rated: 12

Story: There's a major terrorist attack in New Orleans. Luckily, the US government has discovered how to harness the power of pixies in order to view events exactly four and a quarter days in the past. They get a local federal agent (Washington) to help them figure out where to point the pixies so as to catch the culprit as quickly as possible. This involves solving a separate murder, a ludicrous car chase, a couple of paradoxes and falling in love with someone who's already dead.

Comments: I don't usually bother with DVD extras. I find being told how a movie was made a bit like having a joke explained. I'm not that fussed about hearing the director muttering into a microphone about the creative challenge of their latest project, either. Extended scenes were usually cut short for a reason. And so on. I did start on the commentary for Deja Vu, though. I hoped that someone might point out a way in which it all made sense and thus take my headache away.

I was sadly disappointed.

The makers of Deja Vu are in denial. The commentary starts with three of them sitting around claiming it's not a science fiction film but a love story. One of them even claims it's science fact rather than science fiction. Twice.

Excuse me? If your story revolves around a technology that doesn't even remotely exist then it's science fiction. Having a plausible explanation couched in quantum physics doesn't let you off the hook - it just goes to prove that you don't have the faintest idea what you're doing. (And, sorry, having a love interest doesn't make it a love story).

By talking up the details of the science, Deja Vu is on a hiding to nothing. Those who know about the actual science won't be convinced and those who don't will just be confused. The makers would have been better off briefly mentioning that it's all down to pixies and simply getting on with things.

The evil robot in Terminator 2 is essentially made of pixies. Does anyone care? Not really. Its unlikely shape-shifting abilities are hurriedly glossed over. No one dwells on the mechanics or complications of time travel, either. It's all just a set up for some explosions and a few thoughts on fate and free-will.

Most good science fiction films rely on the fact that any suitably advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. How the machine works isn't really important - it's what's done with it that matters. Deja Vu doesn't embrace the pixies, however; it goes to great lengths to explain them away. You have to suspect the director and friends just didn't want the words 'science' and 'fiction' associated with them at the same time in case they got banished to a basement full of Star Trek fans by their literary buddies.

The film-makers did rope in some scientists to help but, unfortunately, they asked the scientists the wrong question. They asked, 'How might it be possible to look back in time?" The scientists gave a complicated explanation full of big words that was entirely speculation. The film-makers then regurgitated this speculation as fact in an effort at credibility.

What they should have done was handed over a script to the scientists and asked, 'Is this internally consistent?' That way, some of the enormous holes in the story might have been plugged and a few basic science errors corrected. The whole thing might even have made some kind of sense. Meanwhile, the technological plot device at the heart of the film could have happily remained powered by pixies and yet the overall suspension of disbelief required would have been greatly reduced.

The action sections are great and all the actors turn in passable performances. In the right hands (i.e. not those of science-phobic arts graduates), Deja Vu could have been a fantastic film. As it is, it's slick and entertaining but ultimately a dog's breakfast.

Conclusion: If you put CSI, 24, The Bourne Identity and Back to the Future in a box and shook them together you might get this. You'd probably be tempted, however, to close the lid and rattle the box about a bit more in the hope of getting something better.

Explosions: Big.
Scientists: Geeky.
Flux capacitors: None.
Understanding of science fiction: Minimal.
Pixies: Not enough.
Confusion: Great.
Headache: Enormous.

Rating: C+ out of 5.

Labels: action (vol.2), film review (vol.2), film review (vol.3), sci-fi (vol.1), thriller

 
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  Little Miss Sunshine (DVD)

Starring: No one much.

Rated: 15

Story: A severely dysfunctional American family go on a disastrous road trip in order to get their young daughter to the finals of a very dubious beauty pageant. They become slightly less dysfunctional. The pageant remains dubious.

Comments: Remember the old adage, 'Sticking a load of crazy people in a camper van doesn't always make a great comedy'? Well, it's true. Not only that, but if all the people are stereotypes, it apparently doesn't make for a great drama either.

Guest conclusion from my wife: 'Well that was kind of OK.'

Explosions: None.
Predictability: High.
Satirical targets: Too soft.
Actually funny moments: A handful.
Apparent message: Families are hell, but pre-teen beauty pageants are worse...

Rating: 2/5.

Labels: comedy, drama, film review (vol.2), quick

 
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  The Sentinel (DVD)

Starring: Kiefer Sutherland, Michael Douglas wishing he was Clint Eastwood, Kim Basinger looking surprisingly well-preserved and the sexy one from Desperate Housewives.

Rated: 12

Entire transcript of the planning meeting: "Let's just do 24 - The Film with a dash of In the Line of Fire. Now... lunch, anyone?"

Comments: It's got Kiefer Sutherland as a member of the Secret Service trying to unmask a traitor in order to stop a plot to kill the US President. Haven't we seen something like this before? He even gets to mutter 'Dammit!' as the main suspect gets away again.

Unfortunately, in attempting to condense an entire series of 24 into two hours, the writers have emphasised the flaws rather than latching onto the good bits. Implausible character motivation and unlikely plot twists, ahoy! Meanwhile, there's not quite enough tension or action.

You wonder if the whole project was organised by Catherine Zeta-Jones just to get Michael Douglas out of the house. Sutherland may not even have noticed he wasn't on the set of 24. Eva Longoria seems to be in it mostly for window-dressing but at least she doesn't get almost eaten by a cougar...

Conclusion: More contained than a couple of episodes of 24, just not as entertaining.

Explosions: One not very interesting one.
Plausibility: Low.
Forgettability: High.
Typecasting of Keifer Sutherland: Complete.
Original ideas: None.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.2), film review (vol.2), quick, thriller

 
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  Payback (DVD)

Starring: Mel Gibson

Rated: 18

Story: Porter (Gibson), a remorseless criminal, is betrayed and left for dead after taking part in a successful robbery. Upon recovering, he sets out to get even and take back his share of the loot. He's not subtle about it.

Comments: This film is so old it's probably on ITV4 every other week. Still, thanks to having small children, I've lost a few years somewhere. I'm occasionally surprised the Millennium has actually happened already. So, here's a review from 1999:

This is a 'one man against the unassailable criminal organisation' movie. The twist is that the hero isn't a policeman on a mission or a vigilante with a grudge - he's a criminal wanting some cash and a bit of closure on a bad experience. He's John McClane without restraint - resourceful and brave but totally ruthless. The result is a take on the genre which is still fresh (and blessedly free of cheesy one-liners).

The most impressive feature of the film is how Porter remains sympathetic throughout. He's a thief, a thug and a murderer but, in some sense, he has principles. He is obsessed with payback but not on wanton revenge. He only wants 'his' money. He looks after his friends. He doesn't enjoy the violence. And it helps that the people who get in his way are dirty cops, thugs and monsters, so it appears he's fighting back as the world conspires against him. He's likeable and smart as well, allowing you to forget he's a complete psycho nutcase. Gibson pulls it off admirably but it's hard to imagine anyone else getting away with it.

That Porter comes across as a decent guy deep down probably poses plenty of questions about the perception of good and evil. Whether that's intentional or this is just violent, amoral fluff, is another question entirely.

Conclusion: An excellent action thriller... as long as you like Mel Gibson.

Explosions: Two.
Believability: Low.
Trail of corpses: Lengthy.
Mel Gibson: Plenty.
Inadvisable uses of a mousetrap: One.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: action (vol.2), film review (vol.2), quick, thriller

 
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  11:14 (DVD)

Starring: No one really. Sure, some famous people turn up but they only get a handful of scenes each to work with.

Featuring: Patrick Swayze, Barbara Hershey, Hilary Swank and Rachael Leigh Cook. (That's more like it).

Rated: 15

Story: A number of individuals in a small American town make some bad choices and suffer the worst case scenario consequences on the dot of 11:14 PM. At first, their lives appear unconnected but all their stories are tied up together. Events are retold from five different perspectives, time rewinding at the end of each.

Comments: This is one of those films like Memento and Lucky Number Slevin which makes a fairly basic or unlikely story more interesting by presenting it in a confusing order. The story of 11:14 is both basic and unlikely but revealing most of the details backwards does, indeed, make it much more interesting. Each of the stories starts a few minutes earlier in the evening than the one before and they only make full sense when considered together. It never feels like information is being purposefully withheld just to add drama, however. The format is excellent.

The content is more of a problem.

11:14 doesn't really have anything to say with its flashy story-telling, except maybe that being a callous, law-breaking imbecile can go badly on occasion. But anyone who hasn't worked that out already will probably have their head explode from having to concentrate too hard before the end of the movie anyway. On top of that, the motivation of some of the characters seems hugely unconvincing at times. The film is full of people doing stupid things. You may well find yourself shouting at the TV. Warn your neighbours to ignore phrases along the lines of:

'Fool! That's a loaded gun!'
'For crying out loud, just tell the truth!'
'Look at the road, you idiot!'
'Don't stick that there, that's just asking for... Ewwwwww!'

There are some bits that aren't for the squeamish.

11:14 is diverting while it lasts but it's the unpleasant and improbable scenes which stick in the memory. What I really want to see is the episode of CSI where they try to work out what happened. Now that would be amusing.

Conclusion: An average tale superbly told.

Explosions: None.
Unpleasant injuries: Two.
Really unpleasant injuries: One.
Lies: Several.
Crimes: Dozens.
Subsequent police investigation: Almost certainly confused...

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: drama, film review (vol.2)

 
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  X-Men 3: The Last Stand (DVD)

Starring: Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Halle Berry, Famke Janssen, Vinny Jones and Kelsey Grammer's new hairstyle.

Rated: 12

Story: Someone invents a cure for mutants. The mutants get a bit stroppy.

Comments: This is better than the other two but you'll need to have watched them in order to understand what's going on. (Bummer).

There is half a decent idea here. Even the X-Men themselves baulk at the possibility of any mutants being forcibly 'cured'. Their powers make them who they are. Do ordinary humans have the right to control mutants? Surely these 'normal' people just need to put aside their fear and resentment, and embrace those who are different?

The film tries to set up a moral quandary. The problem is, it's hard to be that sympathetic. If I knew someone living round the corner could decimate half the city just by thinking hard and clicking their fingers, I'd probably not be very liberal-minded about it. Realistically, I'd want some serious 'curing' done. I suspect this isn't the message the film-makers were trying to get across...

Jackman can't believe he has to live with the silly hair again (especially since Berry can't be bothered with hers this time round), McKellan really is fed up of waving his arms about in front of a green screen and only Stewart and Jones can muster any enthusiasm. Stewart is almost certainly just happy it's not Star Trek; Jones gets to break through walls with his head.

Explosions: Yes.
Ropey plot: Yes.
Too many characters: Yes.
Impressive CGI effects designed to justify the films existence: Yes.
Same as before?: Oh, yes.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.2), film review (vol.2), quick

 
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  The Marine (DVD)

Starring: A wrestler, Terminator 2, a couple of beautiful women and a chainsaw. (Yep, break out the beers and switch off your brain!)

Rated: 15

Story: Die Hard... in a swamp.

Comments: A fun action film with a generic plot, plenty of stunts and a lack of polish. This is one to just chuckle at, late at night. Let's face it, any film which feels the need to reference Goodfellas, The Terminator and Deliverance by name is a little desperate but it rises above its straight-to-video potential by delivering some really big explosions.

The oddest thing about the film is its unexpected prudishness. The film builds up to a married couple having sex then shies away from it without showing anything as explicit as you might expect in a daytime soap. Later it feels the need to slow motion a scene involving a man being acrobatically garroted with a chain. It's like the makers know this is really for thirteen-year-old boys (who are too young to watch it) but they'll get the graphic violence past the parents as long as no one takes their clothes off.

It's a strange world.

Explosions: Loads.
Plot: Virtually none.
Subtlety: None.
Believable characterisation: Less than that.
Chance of a sequel: Er...

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.2), film review (vol.2), quick

 
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  Blood Diamond (DVD)

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Connelly, Basil Wallace.

Rated: 15

Story: During the civil war in Sierra Leone, a white, Rhodesian mercenary chases after diamonds while a black native searches for his scattered family. They end up working together.

Comments: Want to watch an action film which makes you feel bad about the situation in Africa while giving no solutions and implying that there may not be any?

Thought not.

How about if it features Leonardo DiCaprio calling everyone 'bro' all the time in an impressive but somewhat unpleasant accent?

Really?

Ho, well...

Explosions: Some.
Guilt: Loads.
Answers: None.

Rating: 2/5.

Labels: action (vol.2), drama, film review (vol.2), quick

 
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  Fantastic Four (DVD)

Starring: Jessica Alba in a very tightly fitting outfit and, er... some other people I didn't pay much attention to.

Rated: PG

Story: Four astronauts get caught in a cosmic storm and develop superpowers. They have angst and bicker. Eventually they get to smash things.

Comments: This is mildly entertaining but why can't superheroes just be superheroes any more? Why do they have to have angst and rubbish love lives? Why does the first film in the series have to focus on them coming to terms with their power? Why can't they just start out flying around smashing things saving people? Why? Why? Why?

Explosions: Considering it features a man who flies around on fire, not as many as you might expect.
Predictability: Larger than The Thing.
Mr Man most closely impersonated: Mr Tickle.
Silliest superpower in cinematic history: One that makes Jessica Alba invisible.
Note to makers of future superhero films: Faster pace, better plot, less angst, more smashing. Thank you.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.1), action (vol.2), fantasy (vol.1), film review (vol.2), quick

 
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  Thank You for Smoking (DVD)

Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Katie Holmes & William H Macy (always a good sign on the cast list).

Rated: 15

Story: Nick Naylor is the king of spin. He is the spokesperson for the US tobacco industry and it's his responsibility to make cigarette companies look well-meaning and responsible rather than greedy and evil. He's surprisingly good at it. As his son begins to question what it is exactly that his father does, however, Nick is forced to examine and explain his own 'moral flexibility'.

That doesn't turn out how you might expect...

Comments: Cigarettes are bad for you. It's undeniable. Cigarette companies are making money peddling an addictive substance which kills people. Why would anyone want to be their spokesperson?

Naylor does it because it pays the mortgage and because he's good at it.

And he is good at it. He never makes the mistake of claiming smoking is healthy. He draws attention to the positive economic aspects of the industry, attacks his opponents' arguments from unexpected angles and presents a reasonable, likeable face for the tobacco business. His aim is never to convince his opponents that smoking is good but to leave those listening to the debate with a positive impression.

It's just scary. I start gagging if someone lights up in the next street. If I ever tried smoking myself, I'd probably cough up a lung instantly. And yet, Naylor makes the whole thing seem not so bad...

This isn't a film about smoking. It's a film about spin. If something so dubious can be presented in such a good light, what else are we being talked into? I guess it's not just that, spin isn't about positive persuasion, it's removal of the negative; spin is damage control. Even sound decisions often have some negative consequences - spin erodes our ability to make tough choices. Spin can be as dangerous as smoking. Think of Thank You for Smoking as the best public health warning ever.

Amazingly, the film manages to present Naylor as sympathetic. Yes, he's self-serving but you'll want him to succeed even as you hope his cause will fail. Whether this detracts from the message, however, or just makes it scarier, I'm not sure.

Thank You for Smoking never comes across as worthy. It requires some thought but it's fast and funny, too.

Worth watching.

Conclusion: Great for sharpening your debating skills. Not so good if you're in the mood for mindless action.

Explosions: None.
Smoking: None.
Guns: A couple.
Alcohol: Some.
Fast talking: Lots.
Merchants of death: Three.
Assaults with a deadly nicotine patch: One.
Induced cravings: Cigarettes and cheese.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: drama, film review (vol.2)

 
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  Hot Fuzz (DVD)

Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Timothy Dalton and a whole of host of other people from Bill Bailey to Edward Woodward who aren't in it much and seem to be there simply to get their name on the box.

Rated: 15

Story: Nick Angel (Pegg) is a successful police officer from London who is sent to a new post in a quiet country town. He struggles to come to terms with the laid-back way of life and policing. He gets to know his new partner Danny (Frost). They bond. They watch some action films together. There are some murders. Everything goes Die Hard.

Comments: I didn't find Shaun of the Dead that funny. It had an amusing concept and was relatively entertaining, but wasn't that funny. This is by the same team. Instead of a very British zombie film, it's a very British action film... eventually.

Most of the first two-thirds of the movie is an amiable fish-out-of-water comedy about a city cop on a rural beat. (Translation: Amiable means amusing, not critically-offensive, but not actually that funny). It's OK. Then it turns into an over-the-top homage to Hollywood action films. It could be seen as a parody but it's really less silly than Bad Boys or Miami Vice - the setting of an English market town just makes it obviously silly (and very funny).

The cast is mostly excellent. Timothy Dalton gives the impression of having fallen on hard times but Pegg comfortably manages to be a hard-nosed cop rather than a slightly wet geek for a change. Frost could probably play the comic side-kick in his sleep. Everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. It would be interesting to know, however, why Steve Coogan and Bill Nighy turned up for their minute or so each. It feels like some kind of bet or the result of a drunken night out with Pegg and Frost. ("Want to be in our new film?" "Yeah, all right, if you can finish this bottle of tequila while standing on your head...")

Like Shaun, Hot Fuzz has a fantastic central idea but not enough supporting gags to sustain it for the entire length of the film. There will be a point half way through where you wonder what all the fuss is about. The build-up to the punchline is eventually worth it, though.

Conclusion: Not quite as slick and funny as it should be, and I have a strange desire to go shopping in Somerfield's...

Explosions: Two.
Great ideas: One.
Not so great ideas: A few.
Gags: Not enough.
Time taken to get going: An age.
Crazy English people: All of them.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.1), comedy, film review (vol.2)

 
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  Heroes (TV)

Starring: A whole bunch of people getting their big break, with brief appearances by Malcolm McDowell, Captain Sulu and Christopher 'I-was-a-fool-to-quit-Dr-Who' Ecclestone.

Rated: TBC but I'm guessing it'll be a 12 on DVD release.

Story: A group of people leading disparate lives begin to discover that they have superhuman abilities. As they come to terms with these abilities, they learn that their lives are connected - they are all threatened by one of their own and by a conspiracy that seeks to bring a new order to the world. Their normal lives start to unravel. (No one wears spandex, though).

Comments: The first series of Heroes has just finished on Sci-Fi in the UK. It starts on terrestrial TV on BBC2 on Wednesday 25th July (2007) with a double episode. Set your videos/DVD-recorders/PVRs now!

This probably isn't the show you're expecting. It's different in both structure and style from how I imagined it having seen the trailers. It isn't about a group of heroes who get together and fight evil every week, emerging victorious just in time for the credits. It's about a number of individuals, mostly in different locations, who meander from one scrape to the next. They have special powers but they don't know what to do with them and they are keen to keep them secret. They very seldom do anything heroic. Episodes don't have self-contained plots which reach a conclusion - like 24 (only more so), the series is one continuous narrative.

There are more than half a dozen main characters, each with their own plot-thread, and so it takes several episodes just to introduce them all properly. Later episodes then focus on a subset of characters but this means it can be frustrating to watch the show at a rate of one or two episodes a week. Some episodes barely seem to advance the plot at all. Others leave a character in a cliff-hanger that's not returned to until the episode after next. Everything moves at a glacial pace, so the show is really about character development.

Fortunately, the characters are all likeable. It's shame, however, that some of their powers are so generic. Flying and fast healing? I think we might have seen those a few times before. Others, such as the ability to stop time, are more interesting and accompanied by excellent effects.

Heroes is a good show but it's never quite brilliant. It's always enjoyable to watch but never entirely satisfying. It always feels like it's going somewhere but never actually does. The build up to the finale goes on for weeks and then the conclusion is all played out in seven fairly confusing minutes. Gah! So close...

I'm still very keen to see season two, however. A little tinkering with the format, and it could be superb.

Conclusion: Worth checking out but you might want to watch it six episodes at a time. Consider waiting for the DVD.

Explosions: Yes.
Episode length: Too short.
Series length: Too long.
Episode pace: Moves like a greased weasel.
Series pace: Frequently loses sprints to tortoises.
Number of major characters: Hang on a minute, I'm going to need to use my fingers...
Spandex in patriotic colours: None.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: action (vol.1), drama, fantasy (vol.1), film review (vol.2)

 
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  Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest (DVD)

Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport, Jonathan Pryce, Bill Nighy and a waterwheel.

Rated: 12

Story: Oh, where to start... Suffice to say, if you haven't seen the first one, you won't have much of a clue what's going on. Then again, the complex justification for all the daring-do isn't hugely easy to follow even if you have. Basically, in order to save his fiancee Elizabeth (Knightley) from the gallows, Will Turner (Bloom) must bring a compass belonging to wacky pirate Jack Sparrow (Depp) to the sinister East India Trading Company. Sparrow, however, is rather busy trying to renege on a deal he made with the monstrous Davey Jones (Nighy). To this end, he needs the compass to find a key to unlock a chest which contains something unpleasant. Meanwhile, everyone double-crosses everyone else while attempting to avoid being eaten by cannibals and enormous sea monsters. Most of them try to snog Keira Knightley too.

Comments: I saw this sequel at the cinema when it came out a year ago but I rented it again recently and I actually enjoyed it more the second time round. There were a number of reasons for this:

• I saw the first one recently as well so all the backward plot references made more sense.
• I caught more of the one-liners.
• I already knew it wasn't worth trying to follow the story too hard.
• I'd had three glasses of red wine.

The effects are fantastic and the film contains some great action sequences. True, some of them are over-the-top and pretty silly but this is a rip-roaring adventure that leaves reality behind after about five minutes. It's a case of sitting back and letting it keep you entertained while the parts of your brain responsible for critical thought take a nap. (If you've been looking after small children for several years this zen-like state will be second-nature. Imagine the main characters as Teletubbies and you'll go to that happy place almost instantly).

The cast do a fine job. Bill Nighy is unrecognisable under a stack of make-up and CGI, and is a much more convincing monster than in Underworld. Surprisingly, it's Depp who seems to struggle, despite turning in the most memorable performance of the first film. It's not really his fault, though - the character of Captain Jack is simply wearing thin. Everyone, from Elizabeth to his crew of cutthroats, seems to love him in some way but he's neither a good man nor a good pirate. He lies and cheats to his own ends but is never ruthless enough to get his hands on any treasure. It was possible to sustain this moral ambiguity for one film; two is pushing it a bit. He needs either to be more blood-thirsty or to find a different profession. (I guess Accountants of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Tax Return doesn't have quite the same ring to it).

PoC:DMC is overly long and it has the usual problem of the second film in a trilogy - it starts in the middle of the story and doesn't make it all the way to the end. Oddly, it leaves you wanting both less and more. It is very watchable, though. I'll doubtless end up finding myself sucked in again when it comes on telly.

Conclusion: Funny, spectacular and silly.

Explosions: Technically plenty, if you include cannons firing. Otherwise, one.
Tentacles: Dozens.
Plot twists: Too many.
Historical accuracy: As if...
Does it beat the first one?: No.
Does it beat Cutthroat Island?: With a big stick.

Rating: 4/5.

(BTW Getting the kids to play Potatoes of the Caribbean is a good way to distract them for a few minutes. The game involves thinking of the names of TV shows, films and games and then replacing one of the words with potato or potatoes. Personal favourites include: Indiana Jones and the Potato of Doom, CSI: Potato, Bob the Potato, CSI: New Potato, Gone in 60 Potatoes & Legend of Zelda: Potato Princess).

Labels: action (vol.1), fantasy (vol.1), film review (vol.2)

 
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  A Scanner Darkly (DVD)

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr, Winona Ryder, Woody Harrelson & Rory Cochrane (Nice to see he got some work after CSI: Miami).

Rated: 15

Story: Bob Arctor (Reeves) is an undercover narcotics cop whose identity is secret even to his superiors. While investigating a group of suspects in the hope of learning the source of a drug known as Substance D, he finds himself struggling to hold onto reality. Since it's not a very interesting reality, you have to wonder why he bothers...

Comments: This movie is based on a novel by Philip K Dick who was one of my favourite authors when I was a teenager (back when I still had time to read) so I was quite looking forward to it. I was expecting a futuristic conspiracy story set on one of the moons of Jupiter. Unfortunately, I'd got entirely confused over my PKD stories and was somewhat surprised to find myself watching a near-future conspiracy story set in a house full of spaced-out junkies. It wasn't entirely what I was in the mood for... (The story I'd been thinking of is The Mold of Yancy. You can read an amusing/scary analysis of its fore-telling of the Bush administration here.)

The first thing to note about the movie is its visual style - it's sort of animated. How can a film be 'sort of' animated, I hear you ask? Well, it appears they shot it all in live-action and then traced and shaded over the top to make it into a cartoon. This probably involved a lot of work. Which is a shame because, as with cel-shaded computer games, it frequently appears quite drab. Certainly it gives the opportunity for some striking effects but most of the time it just removes detail and texture, making scenes seem lifeless.

Not that there's much going on anyway. A large part of the film is junkies sitting around being hyper, depressed or paranoid at each other. There is an actual conspiracy taking place but it isn't very fleshed out and seems tacked on.

It doesn't take long to wonder if the movie is going anywhere. And it's not really. It does make the point that drugs are bad for you and big corporations aren't necessarily much better but that's not entirely startling news. I nearly fell asleep.

The whole thing feels like a waste of the decent cast.

Conclusion: I'd like to give A Scanner Darkly a high mark for tackling a difficult subject, for artistic style and for being based on something by Philip K Dick. Problem is, I wanted to watch the second half in fast-forward because I was bored. The review scheme says I have to give it a 1. (Cue five junkies rambling interminably about authoritarian abuse of objective integrity... At length... And nothing much else happening... And this conclusion dragging on... Until... ... ... It ends).

Explosions: None.
Rambling: Plenty.
Sense: Little.
Drug abuse: Lots.
Excitement: Not much.
Most memorable scene: A heated discussion over the exact number of gears on a mountain bike.
Really?: Yes.

Rating: 1/5.

Labels: drama, film review (vol.2), sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Family Guy - Series 1 Volume 1 (DVD)

Starring: The disembodied voices of some Americans, plenty of excellent visual gags and one-liners and a bunch of rejected plots from The Simpsons.

Rated: 15

Story: This is an animated sitcom about the Griffin family - fat, oafish dad (Peter), hard-working, well-to-do mum (Lois), insecure teenage daughter (Meg), idiot teenage son (Chris), evil genius baby (Stewie) and their talking, Martini-drinking dog (Brian). They live in the suburbs in an obscure part of New England. Each episode is a separate scenario with no ongoing story. And, yes, it is a bit like The Simpsons.

Comments: This show is still in production despite having been cancelled twice. Having now watched a few of the early episodes, I can see both why it got canned but also why plenty of people bought the DVDs and brought about its resurrection. Family Guy has moments where it is hilarious but they leap out unexpectedly in the midst of something which is patently a wannabe of The Simpsons, except wackier and not as clever. Since there are already about a million episodes of The Simpsons, a knock-off isn't going to get anyone excited. It is funny, though. Basically, it's the kind of thing you wouldn't turn on specially but that's a real score if you're flicking channels while sitting up late with a grouchy baby.

The best bits are always the brief flash-back and 'what if' scenes that pop up frequently, introduced by lines such as, "I'm not so sure that's a good idea, remember the last time I did the laundry..." These provide nearly all the laugh-out-loud moments. (Some of the references are overly American, however, and some are out-of-date now).

In contrast, the actual story-lines affirming that lazy, idiot dads are really heroes can be tedious. We've seen it all before. Family Guy is far better when things revolve around Stewie's plans for world domination. With luck, later episodes feature more of Brian and Stewie while making the other characters a little more memorable.

That said, watching an episode of Family Guy is a better way to spend twenty minutes last thing at night than hunting around on Teletext for something interesting because you can't be bothered to go to bed. Just remember not to end up doing the Teletext thing as well... It's never pleasant waking up up on the sofa at half-seven in the morning with a small child sitting on your head playing Mario Kart.

Conclusion: I'll rent the second disc at some point but I'm in no great rush. It might even be better just going straight to season four and seeing if the show ever really finds its feet. If you're desperate for some American comedy, try My Name is Earl first - it's consistently funnier and more interesting. Or you could just set your Sky+ box to record repeats of The Simpsons. That will keep you busy for awhile.

Explosions: Occasional.
Jokes about President Clinton: Some.
Brilliant comic characters: Two.
Generic comic characters: The rest.
Similarity to The Simpsons: Obvious.
Chances of a Family Guy fanboy slagging me for daring to suggest any similarity to The Simpsons whatsoever: High.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: comedy, film review (vol.2)

 
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  Crank (DVD)

Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart (The Butterfly Effect)

Rated: 18

Story: Chev Chelios, a hitman, wakes up to discover he has been poisoned. The only way for him to stay alive long enough to exact some revenge is to keep his body pumped full of adrenaline. He goes about this by driving very fast, shooting lots of things and having some very public sex. Sometimes in combination...

Comments: This is, in essence, Grand Theft Auto the movie, complete with plenty of swearing, gory violence, shooting, stealing cars for convenience, videogame references and running to the next mission when nothing decent to drive has spawned nearby.

Like GTA, there's also a dark sense of humour but here there's more of a point to it all. Chelios rushes around leaving destruction in his wake as he searches for the next thrill, the next chance to be alive. He is so intent on reaching his destination, he never stops to think where he's going or what he's doing. He never has a chance to enjoy it. Crank is life on fast-forward with the parental safe-guards turned off. It's a call to take stock of who we are and of what we're doing to ourselves and other people in pursuit of gratification.

Or maybe I've spent so long trying to extract philosophical meaning from Teletubbies that I'm giving a tacky action film too much credit. It's certainly not without flaws. It's sometimes hard to tell whether the film's being ironic or serious. Sometimes the shock factor of the scenes can get in the way of the message. For instance, Crank pokes fun at the media for delivering us up-to-the-minute violence and yet it is, itself, a film that entertains through immediacy and violence. Then again, perhaps the whole thing just wouldn't work if it wasn't all so extreme.

On a more mundane level, the characterisation is poor and the dialogue merely serviceable. Statham reprises his Transporter role as a likeable, conflicted villain. He's obviously found his niche and is very effective. He's helped by the fact that the script tends to gloss over the fact that his character is a cold-blooded assassin. Smart is onto a loser from the beginning - her character is an idiot. No one else sticks around for long.

Conclusion: It's trashy and confused but there's genius in there somewhere. The more I think about it, the more I liked it.

Explosions: None.
Pace: Fast.
Outrage: High.
Ending: Slightly rubbish.
Statham's hospital gown: Flappy.
Suitability as a birthday gift for your gran: Low.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: action (vol.1), film review (vol.1), film review (vol.2), thriller

 
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