Stuff for Dads

  Sweeney Todd (DVD)

Starring: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham-Carter, Alan Rickman, Timothy Spall and Sacha Baron Cohen.

Rated: 18.

Story: An eighteenth century barber has his wife and child stolen by a wicked judge who gets him transported to a penal colony. Years later, the barber returns, seeking revenge. When his plans don't go well, he takes out his frustration by giving a whole load of customers very close shaves and forming a lucrative business partnership with the lady who owns the pie shop downstairs.

Mmmmm... Gravy...

Comments: Thanks to a mechanised display at the Museum of Childhood, even my four-year-old knows the basic gist of Sweeney Todd - people go into the top floor wanting a shave and come out the bottom floor in parcels of pastry. There's not much more to it than that. The film expands on this with a subplot about Todd's lost daughter and adds some love interest with the pie lady but it's all rather predictable and hinges on huge coincidences. As with most musicals, the plot is merely an excuse for some singing. The songs in Sweeney Todd are nowhere near good enough to hold things together, however. None are particularly memorable and some are actually grating.

The visuals of the movie are more of a draw than the music. The sets, make-up and costumes are designed to give an impression of black and white which means the thick, red blood stands out strikingly. Unfortunately, combined with the liberal spurting effects, this makes the gorier scenes reminiscent of low budget zombie films rather than anything more artistic. As a bonus, though, since everyone looks as pale as if they've lived in a cave for a decade, Bonham-Carter appears healthier than normal.

The best bits of the film are the scenes with Sacha Baron Cohen. The rest of the cast do fine but it's ultimately a waste of everyone's talents. I prefer my daughter's version:

Everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody likes being a person.
Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody likes being a pie!

Conclusion: People go in, pies come out. Now with added singing.

Explosions: None.
Cockroaches: Plenty.
Low point: The duet between Rickman and Depp. (Ooh, my ears!)
Blood: Gloopy and pink.
Cornish pasty, anyone?: Maybe I'll pass just now, thanks...

Rating: 2/5.

Labels: film review, horror, musical

 
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  Mamma Mia! (DVD)

Starring: Meryl Streep, Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan and Julie Walters.

Rated: PG.

Story: A pretty girl is getting married at her mother's rustic hotel on an isolated Greek island. She invites three of her mum's old boyfriends to the wedding in an effort to find out which one is her dad. This leads to embarrassing misunderstandings, plenty of soul-searching and lots of Abba.

Comments: There's every chance you were forced to watch this by your mum at Christmas. (Serves you right for giving it to her.) In case you managed to escape on this occasion, however, I thought I'd better give you a heads up so that you're prepared for next year.

Most of the movie is quite bearable. There's plenty of sea and sunshine, some great choreography and an excellent performance by Julie Walters. You'll obviously need to enjoy Abba music at least a little but it's not essential to be a huge fan - despite having been a teenager at a time when Abba was hopelessly uncool, I found nearly all the songs familiar and pleasant enough. I even occasionally paused the game I was playing on my DS so I could pay a little more attention to the dancing.

The three dads struggle with singing, though. They just about pull it off but you can tell that Pierce Brosnan in particular is having to try really, really hard.

And then there's the plot...

The scenery and music manage to keep things going for at least the first half of the film but then the story reaches a critical mass of awfulness that's impossible to ignore. At the very moment I realised this, my wife said, "This is where it turns into the kind of film you really hate." Sure enough, a series of half overheard conversations, 'white' lies and miscommunications ensued, reminiscent of especially cringeworthy episodes of Friends. (You know, the ones where Ross is at his most annoying.)

Luckily, I still had my DS handy and managed to phase most of the horror out by whacking orcs over the head with a large axe. Phew...

To top it all, the film presents a very odd view of marriage. Getting married and then travelling the world together constitutes being tied down, apparently, while taking the same trip as an unmarried couple doesn't. Or something... I suppose you shouldn't expect much from a story that's a Swedish version of Frankenstein's monster, constructed entirely of Abba songs...

Conclusion: You really wouldn't want to have to give this your full attention.

Explosions: None.
Cast members who can sing: Most.
Cast members who can barely sing: Three.
Cast members who can't both sing and move at the same time: Colin Firth.
Abba songs spliced together in a desperate attempt to make a coherent story: Lots.

Rating: 2/5.

Labels: family, film review (vol.6), musical

 
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