Stuff for Dads

  Spider-Man 3 (DVD)

Starring: Tobey Maguire & Kirsten Dunst.

Rated: 12.

Story: Peter Parker tries to balance the adoration he receives as Spider-Man with various crises in his day-to-day existence. He's broke, his job's at risk, his best friend hates him and he's pushing his girlfriend away. In the middle of it all, he has to deal with a supervillain bitten by some radioactive sand, wrestle his own costume (which has been taken over by an alien) and survive a nasty outbreak of romantic comedy...

Comments: I saw a trailer for Superhero Movie the other day. Its attempt to parody the superhero genre seemed to mainly involve taking the original Spider-Man film and adding lots of extra falling over. On first sight, this seemed a little lame, considering the number of overblown superhero films we've had in recent years. Maybe, though, it's a dig at the fact that Spider-Man is the template from which the others have been created. Batman started the whole miserable, conflicted superhero thing but that has plenty of gadgets, action and Jack Nicholson. It's Spider-Man that made the angst as central as the action and then upped the spectacle with vast amounts of computer-generated mayhem to compensate for the tedium. This has infected everything from Hulk to The Fantastic Four. Even the new Superman and Batman have angst. Take the mick out of Spider-Man and you take the mick out of them all.

I want to sit the makers of superhero movies down and force them to watch a dozen episodes of Ben 10. It's a cartoon about Ben Tennyson, a ten-year-old boy who discovers a watch that can turn him into various superpowered aliens, allowing him to save the world. The episodes are full of explosions and adventure but, because Ben is ten, he doesn't have angst - when he's not fighting villains he uses his powers to play pranks on his cousin. He actually likes being a superhero. It's refreshing.

Interestingly, the live-action Ben 10: Race against Time movie features Ben returning home from his summer-long villain fighting vacation. He has to deal with fitting back into school, concealing his powers and not being popular. He even has to come up with an act for the school variety show. In short, he gets lumbered with a whole load of angst. In compensation for this tedium, there's some very impressive computer-generated mayhem.

Argh!

It's all just too upsetting...

Predictably, Spider-Man 3 doesn't mess with the formula and continues where the other two left off. Yep, excellent computer-animated action sequences are padded out with a little romance, a touch of slapstick and a large amount of angst as Peter Parker tries to work out who he is as his 9 to 5 life goes down the tubes. (Again.)

The script is somehow both stuffed full of plot and quite plodding. This results in lots going on but poor character development. Half an hour of cringe-worthy comedy and heart-to-heart conversations could be lost without making the motivations of most of the characters seem any less plausible than they already are.

All in all, Spider-Man 3 will do. The cast manage OK with what they're given and the action (particularly with Sandman) is great but this is getting tired. If there's going to be another Spider-Man movie, it really needs to take itself less seriously, spread out the action and cut down on the soul-searching. I've said it before and I'll no doubt have to say it again:

Less angst, more smashing.

Thank you.

Conclusion: A bit more falling over and the franchise would be a parody of itself.

Explosions: Some.
Wise-cracking: Almost none.
Swinging from roof tops: Not enough.
Main characters being slapped about for stupidity: Definitely not enough.
Villains: A small puddle of tar, big pile of sand and a large dose of self-absorbed idiocy.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), fantasy, film review (vol.4), sci-fi, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Stargate SG-1 Season 1 (DVD)

Starring: Richard Dean Anderson, Michael Shanks, Amanda Tapping, Christopher Judge and Don S Davis.

Rated: 18. As far as I can tell, this rating is pretty much down to some brief full-frontal, female nudity in the pilot episode. The rest of the series ranges between PG and 12.

Story: In the Stargate movie, the US military discover and activate a device which allows a team to travel through an interstellar worm-hole to the planet Abydos. They find a human civilisation very similar to ancient Egypt and make some friends. Then an alien pretending to be the god Ra arrives in an enormous spaceship and things start getting hairy - especially when it turns out the alien has been pretending for a very long time and really is, in some sense, Ra.

The TV series begins a year after the events of the movie. A way is found to access scores of other stargates and more teams are sent out to explore. Unfortunately, Ra's race, the Goa'uld, are somewhat upset by what transpired on Abydos and view humanity as a nuisance to be dealt with. The exploration teams must seek out information, technology and allies in an effort to protect Earth from attack. Team SG-1 is composed of Colonel Jack O'Neill (wise-cracking toughnut) and Dr Daniel Jackson (civilian archaeologist) from the film, along with Captain Samantha Carter (airforce pilot, astrophysicist and babe) and a guy in a red shirt whose days are numbered as soon as the team manages to recruit Teal'c (a warrior formerly enslaved by the Goa'uld).

Most of the stargates lead to worlds with human populations seeded there by the Goa'uld as a slave supply. These human societies are usually technologically primitive and each is descended from a distinct civilisation from Earth's past. ('Hey, look! This week it's Vikings!') They also usually have a problem that only space adventurers who've never heard of the Prime Directive can solve... Since SG-1 contains an expert on all the relevant topics (i.e. ancient cultures, science, aliens and shooting stuff), they're perfectly equipped to sort things out...

Comments: How late am I to this party? I'm a full nine series behind. Thirteen if you include the spin-off Stargate: Atlantis. I've got a bit of catching up to do...

I actually bought this about three years ago to watch while sitting up during the night with Sproglette. I only managed the first five or six episodes, however. It got to the stage where I couldn't entirely be bothered to put the DVD in the machine and ended up watching repeats of Top Gear instead. The pilot episode is good but it's quickly followed by a selection of clunkers involving modern Americans imposing their morals on ancient cultures. These episodes are predictable and tedious.

Making another attempt to watch SG-1 more recently, I almost gave up again. Fortunately, around about episode eight or nine, things start to pick up. The team gets taught a lesson in humility, the situations become more interesting, the back story is fleshed out a little and the episodes become better entwined. The final disc is very entertaining.

The series as a whole has plenty of rough edges, though. For a start, Richard Dean Anderson just doesn't seem quite right in the role played by Kurt Russell in the film. He's not macho enough. (On the other hand, he's likable and I have fond memories of MacGyver, so I'm willing to let him off with it.)

Another element which grates is the bizarre way that the galaxy is inhabited entirely by people who speak modern English. The film makes a big deal of Daniel Jackson having to learn to speak ancient Egyptian to communicate with the people of Abydos but the series ignores the issue almost entirely. Occasionally, SG1 find they understand every word that's said to them except the most important one. This is essentially a pretty cheap way to build suspense and just makes you wonder how they can understand everything else. The truly odd thing is that it would be easy to explain the whole set up in terms of some magic technology conferred by passing through the stargate and which is broken or damaged on some worlds. The writers apparently just don't care. Amusingly, half the cast don't even seem sure how to pronounce the name of the alien race they're fighting.

The biggest problem is the lack of subplots in most of the episodes. This means that the main plot of each episode has to fill out the full forty minutes. There ends up being padding and postulating where there should be some light relief or a secondary mystery. It's like having an episode of CSI with only one murder rather than two - without all the cutting back and forth, unlikely twists and logical flaws are very obvious.

All this is acknowledged by the fact that there's a 'Best of Series One' DVD available which features the first episode and the last three. If you only watched this, you'd miss out on some interesting bits and pieces but it might be the best course of action if you're low on patience.

Conclusion: Starts well and ends well but must have come pretty close to getting cancelled somewhere in the middle. Rent the pilot episode. If you like it, then it's worth persevering.

Explosions: Some.
Excellent episodes: Not enough.
Dodgy science: Plenty.
Minoans speaking English: A surprising number.
Chance of Season 2 being better: High.

Rating: Variable. Disc 2 is a definite 2/5 experience while Disc 5 (the final one) is more 4/5. I guess it all averages out to 3/5 but the strong ending has made me keener to watch Season 2 than might otherwise be the case. (That and the current bargain price of the box sets, anyway.)

Labels: film review (vol.4), sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  The Invasion (DVD)

Starring: Nicole Kidman (& Daniel Craig but, you know, who cares? It's got Nicole Kidman in it and it's not Practical Magic. Hurrah!)

Rated: 15.

Story: A mysterious alien virus starts turning the whole world into Stepford. A psychologist (Kidman) uncovers the sinister goings on and must escape assimilation, protect her son and save the day while wearing tight sweaters. (Her doctor friend (Craig) helps but, again, who cares?)

Yep, Invasion of the Body Snatchers rides again.

Comments: This is really a zombie flick, except, rather than rip faces off, the zombies spit in everyone else's coffee. They look human, they're emotionless and they're usually placid. It's Attack of the Prozac People.

Although never very scary, this is more nail-biting than it sounds. Fortunately, the film doesn't fall into the trap of a lengthy build up. Everything moves pleasingly quickly from 'Hey? Have you noticed anything odd recently?' to 'Let's drive really fast and squish some zombies'.

Certain of the situations are a little silly but the basic idea is quite thought provoking. In passing, the film questions what it means to be human and asks what price we're willing to pay for free will. It'll have added resonance if you've ever been on anti-depressants. Yeah, they make the world a 'better' place but it's at a cost.

Conclusion: 28 Weeks Later is more tense and The Faculty is more fun but this is a fast-paced effort which contains something to think about and Nicole Kidman.

Explosions: A few.
Unlikely escapes: Several.
Nicole: Lots.
Zombies: Cuddly... until they're sick in your coffee.
Drink?: Er, not right now thanks...
Practical Magic?: A film so bad that even the presence of Kidman and Sandra Bullock couldn't save it. That's pretty bad.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: film review (vol.4), horror, quick, sci-fi (vol.1), thriller

 
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  Ultraviolet (DVD)

Starring: Milla Jovovich.

Rated: 15.

Story: It's the future. A virus has turned lots of people into vampires with superhuman powers. The totalitarian authorities are intent on hunting down and destroying the infected. The vampires aren't too thrilled. One of the vampires, Violet (Jovovich), manages to annoy both sides. Everyone tries to kill her. She chops them to bits with a big sword.

Comments: Ultraviolet is a Matrix wannabe that's totally lacking in coherence and plausibility. There's some some excellent CGI and plenty of action but even this begins to pale after the third time Violet is entirely surrounded by hapless henchmen and yet manages to turn them into sushi. That she does this without a drop of blood being spilled is somewhat disconcerting.

It's very hard to care about any of it by the end.

To add insult to tedium, there's some anti-Christian imagery in that the main bad guy has the title of Vice-Cardinal and works in a Crucifix-shaped building. This is about as deep as the critique of organised religion gets, however, so it seems included just to offend rather than contribute to any kind of debate. It's on the intellectual level of name-calling. Not really big or clever, just irritating.

On top of everything else, Jovovich's performance is less than stellar. She's not helped by dialogue that frequently doesn't stretch beyond, 'Hey!?'

Conclusion: A collection of fights and chases shoved together at random. Some of them are OK.

Explosions: Not many.
Swords: Plenty.
Guns: An entire extra dimension full of them.
Improbable events and plot twists: Another entire extra dimension full of them.
Preferred tactic of henchmen: Standing in a circle and shooting each other. (Sigh.)

Rating: 2/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), film review (vol.4), quick, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Night Watch (DVD) & Day Watch (DVD)

Starring: Lots of Russian people speaking Russian. (Which is worth knowing. I was five minutes into the first one before I realised that they really weren't going to stop and I needed to find the 'Subtitles' button on my DVD remote.)

Rated: 15.

Story: The forces of Dark and Light have been holding an uneasy truce for a thousand years. 'Others' - those with supernatural abilities - live secretly amongst ordinary people, the two sides keeping watch over each other to make sure the ancient laws are adhered to.

In contemporary Moscow, Anton learns that he's a seer and becomes an agent of the Night Watch, a group of Light Others who police the darkness. He begins to learn that, as usual, Armageddon is approaching and it's all his fault...

Comments: This is an interesting pair of Russian films. And, yes, by 'interesting' I mean 'not that great but entertainingly odd if you feel like something a little different'. The story follows on directly from one to the other (without any kind of recap) so don't even try to watch them out of order.

Night Watch is a fairly low-key affair, introducing the world of the Others, their leaders and the tensions between the two sides. It's quite vague, though, and not entirely coherent. Day Watch is much slicker and ups the eye-candy with plenty of Matrix-like effects but these are often the moments where the film makes least sense. Characters seem to occasionally develop X-Men style superpowers simply as an excuse for some cool CGI. It's all quite inconsistent - especially when compared to Night Watch where the abilities of the Others is fairly limited. The last half hour is just insane, with magic chalk that controls fate, James Bond-esque car combat, a tactical nuclear yo-yo, a rampaging Ferris wheel and massed Medieval melee.

The films have high production values and are intriguing throughout. Few of the questions raised are answered satisfactorily, however, and the concentration needed to read the dialogue makes it harder to just let the whole thing wash over you as the plot goes off the rails. You'll need some patience to keep going. Still, you could do worse.

Conclusion: These are a couple of passable supernatural action dramas that come with the added bonus that you can pretend to be cultural while watching them. The story gets madder than an inflatable pin-cushion stuffed with squirrels by the end, though.

Explosions: There are a few crashes and bangs but nothing much blows up... until the last twenty minutes of the second one - then everything blows up.
Bizarreness: Ever increasing.
Comprehensibility: There are times when you might be as well having the subtitles off.
Stunning, yet inexplicable, events: Several.
Ferris wheel induced panic: Extensive.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), fantasy (vol.1), film review (vol.4), sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Highlander: The Source (DVD)

Starring: Adrian Paul.

Rated: 15.

Story: The world has descended into chaos and a small band of immortals sets off in search of the fabled 'Source'. Unfortunately, random passers-by want to eat them, and the Source has a very camp guardian who wants to chop them into tiny pieces. Cue some lack-lustre sword fights...

Comments: This fifth Highlander film was originally intended for theatrical release but, instead, went straight to Sci-Fi Channel.

Which just about says it all.

A paper-thin plot, aimless action and confused characters combine to make The Source a total mess. It's the kind of film where things explode simply for the sake of it. Even better than that, despite listing the basic rules of the Highlander universe at the start, the film seems to delight in breaking them. There's even a dodgy Cardinal in it for no real reason. Fantastic.

Since it features characters from the TV series, The Source might hold some nostalgia for fans but, more likely, it will just sully fond memories. Happily for everyone else, the movie's so inept on occasion, that it's actually funny. Also, thanks to both the participants in the final battle being endowed with super speed, it's all over mercifully quickly.

Conclusion: A film so bad that it fast-forwards itself.

Explosions: Three or four.
Big swords: Loads.
Ludicrous astronomical events: One. (Repeated).
Award nominations: 'Priest with the bizarrest haircut', 'Worst blade-cleaning montage' & 'Most gratuitous use of a fuel truck'.
Chance of franchise ever recovering: Well, at least we have the impending game tie-in to look forward to...

Rating: 1/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), fantasy (vol.1), film review (vol.4), quick, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Transformers (DVD)

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox and some big robots fighting each other.

Rated: 12.

Story: Geeky teenager (LaBeouf) attempts to chat up a pretty girl in his class (Fox). They get caught up in an inter-stellar war between big robots that can disguise themselves as ordinary vehicles. Geeky teenager tries not to get grounded by his parents while saving the world.

Comments: What do you expect from a film based on toy cars which can turn into robots? Probably not much, so this is surprisingly good.

The romance subplot is pretty embarrassing. The main plot is fairly non-existent. Some of the fighting is hard to follow. Still, there's an awful lot of action involving big robots stomping on each other and just about everything blows up, so it could have been a lot worse. It almost certainly looks fantastic in HD.

Conclusion: One for teenage boys of all ages.

Explosions: Lots.
Robots: In disguise.
Message 1: Geeky guys are actually brave, misunderstood heroes.
Message 2: Cute girls dig guys that drive giant robots.
Basis in reality: Tenuous.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: action (vol.3), film review (vol.3), film review (vol.4), quick, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Sunshine (DVD)

Starring: Rose Byrne, Cillian Murphy, The Human Torch and an assortment of other faces you'll struggle to place.

Rated: 15

Story: The sun is dying. A group of astronauts are sent to drop a special bomb into it to give it a jumpstart. They bicker, they chat, they do astronaut kind of things and then they stumble across the remains of the first ship sent to do the job. Rather than getting on with the task in hand, they decide to investigate.

Take a wild guess as to how well that goes...

Comments: A few years ago, a couple of films about astronauts traveling to Mars came out at about the same. I think they were called Red Planet and Mission to Mars but I'm not entirely sure and they were so forgettable that I can't even be bothered to check. They've pretty much blended together in my head. Looks like I'm not the only one that's happened to, though, because mix those two movies with a touch of The Core and a dash of 2001, and you'd have the first half of Sunshine. Throw in a little Sphere and a portion of generic slasher movie and you'd have the second half.

Yep, it starts off familiar and almost interesting and ends up familiar and rather silly.

What with the journey taking months and all the talk of heat-shields and such, the set up is obviously supposed to be more NASA than Star Trek. I somewhat suspect, however, that if NASA had a computer which controlled everything on one of their ships, they wouldn't stop it overheating by sticking it in an OPEN pool of liquid coolant. I hope that someone would think, "Hang on a minute... What happens if the artificial gravity stops working, or there's a depressurisation in the computer room? Maybe we need to look at this again. And while we're at it, let's send enough oxygen with the ship to last for the entire journey rather than faffing with putting a garden in there. Sure, the oxygen will be heavy but, since the bomb is THE SIZE OF MANHATTAN, who's going to notice a few extra gas tanks? And maybe we should teach all the crew members how to set off the bomb. You know, in case something happens to that physicist guy. We could even make it so there's a handy control panel or something rather than requiring a selection of bits and bobs connected together with crocodile clips. And..." The list goes on. (And that's not even examining the plausibility of the central plot device).

Apparently, scientists were brought in to consult on the movie but, as with Deja Vu, they were asked the wrong questions. The details of the bomb are of no interest whatsoever - all the audience needs to know is that it's a bomb that has to go into the sun. That way, it's essentially magic, and we can get on with watching Rose Byrne and some explosions. It's the details of everything else that should have been checked out.

I have to imagine that the primary audience of Sunshine is people with a scientific background. Even the kind of teenage boy who's going to watch this movie is liable to have some clue about space travel. Thus, having a spaceship full of ludicrous design choices is something of an oversight. It's what everyone's going to talk about; it's what will put them off buying the DVD. (Well, actually, the rubbish plot that relies on people identifying danger but failing to call for back up before going to investigate might do that, too, but that's beside the point). It's these 'little things' that should have been run past some science graduates. I don't care how the faster-than-light travel happens in Star Wars or how the Death Star works - I'm happy to accept it. It's the use of 'parsec' as a measure of time rather than distance that grates every time.

Thinking about it, though, Sunshine has to be applauded for at least trying. There are hardly any recent science fiction movies set close to the present day and involving relatively realistic space travel. There's those two Mars films and another couple of movies separated at birth - Armageddon and Deep Impact. Unfortunately, despite the lack of competition, Sunshine still manages to come across as derivative.

I wonder if we'll ever get a space-based film set in the near future that doesn't involve aliens, a rescue mission or the end of the world.

Conclusion: You'd be better spending your money on some energy-saving daylight bulbs - they're great. Sunshine isn't.

Explosions: One or two.
Scientists involved: Not enough.
Similarities to other movies: Quite a few.
Number of crew members whose names you'll remember before they die: Not so many.

Rating: 2/5.

Labels: film review (vol.3), horror, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (DVD)

Starring: The usual suspects but even Jessica Alba can't save it this time.

Rated: PG

Story: The Fantastic Four come to terms with their new-found fame while attempting to stop the Earth being eaten.

Comments: The Fantastic Four is turning into the archetypal modern superhero franchise. The first film was OK but took ages to get going and had too much angst and not enough smashing. This second film builds on that by taking ages to get going and adding more angst. Great. Rather than increasing the frequency of action scenes, it has more complex, CGI-heavy action scenes.

No, no , no , no, NO!

Less nonsense, please. More smashing.

Expect a third and final installment in a year or so. It will feature less angst, even more CGI and at least one of the main characters being turned evil. Someone will probably die.

None of us will care, though.

Conclusion: Watch Die Hard 4.0 again rather than this.

Explosions: Not enough.
The Human Torch: Irritating.
Invisible Girl: Bored.
Mr Fantastic: Ropey.
The Thing: All but forgotten.
Consuming question: What did they do to Jessica Alba's hair?
Note to makers of future superhero films: Faster pace, better plot, less angst, more smashing. Still. Thank you.

Rating: 2/5.

Labels: action (vol.2), fantasy (vol.1), film review (vol.3), quick, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Babylon 5: The Lost Tales (DVD)

Starring: Bruce Boxleitner, Tracy Scoggins & Peter Woodward.

Rated: 12

Story: Some Warner Brothers executives agree to a cash-in movie to mark the tenth anniversary of the end of the original Babylon 5 show. Then they spend all the money on a wild weekend in Vegas. We're left with a couple of short B5 episodes that take place almost entirely in three corridors. Fans sigh.

Comments: Babylon 5 is one of the finest science fiction series ever made. It has complex characters who develop and change allegiance over time, an epic plot spanning five seasons and story-lines that favour cunning and communication, rather than invented technology, for solving problems. Babylon 5 is funny, dramatic and thought-provoking.

For those of you who don't know, Babylon 5 is an enormous space station in neutral territory which serves as a diplomatic and trade hub. It's run by humans but houses ambassadors from various alien races. Of course, half the ambassadors hate each other and, as the main story arc develops, their petty squabbles turn into a galactic war. The humans must steer their way through cultural differences and political situations in order to build a lasting peace.

It's great.

Unfortunately, everything set in the Babylon 5 universe since the original ended has been a bit rubbish. In the ten years up until now, we've had four tie-in movies, half a season of Crusade and the pilot episode of Legend of the Rangers. In the Beginning is an OK prequel movie but it only really re-tells lots of backstory already mentioned in the main series. The rest of the spin-offs seem to miss the point of Babylon 5 entirely. Its strength is in the characters, the diplomacy and the interaction of the different alien races. Taking these out just leaves Star Trek and there's more than enough Star Trek for anyone already.

The Lost Tales makes similar mistakes. It's set on and around Babylon 5 but there are only two and a half characters from the original show - Sheridan, Lochley and Galen. As for aliens, there's one Centauri character we've never met before and a passing shot of a couple of Minbari.

The first of the two episodes involves a demon, an exorcism and a priest with wavering faith. It mainly entails a lot of sitting around chatting about religion and is strangely confused. Lochley comes across as having more 'faith' than the priest but there's little understanding of what faith actually is. Faith is not about believing things which are against reason, it's a relationship based on reason and experience (both personal experience of God and what we've been told of the experiences of others). Without this understanding of the subject matter, the whole thing comes across as a little pointless.

The second episode is much more standard Babylon 5. President Sheridan is presented with a prophecy and must make a difficult moral choice between the good of the many and that of the few. There's some CGI space combat, some flying about in Starfuries and occasional touches of humour. The best bits, however, are the fond references to all the other old characters who aren't present. It's a reasonably good episode but the low budget is crippling. One of the sets consists entirely of two swivel chairs. I mean, honestly...

There are plenty of DVD extras but they're mainly interviews recorded on set. The memorials to Andreas Katsulas and Richard Biggs are worth watching, though.

The whole thing is essentially a bone to throw at desperate fans. It's not awful (unlike River of Souls) but it doesn't come close to satisfying the craving for some more 'proper' Babylon 5. I just have an urge to go watch the real thing again. Newcomers should, most definitely, not start here - rent the feature-length pilot, The Gathering.

Conclusion: Fans of the original series will feel a renewed pang of sadness at its passing.

Explosions: A few.
CGI: Shiny.
Sets: Not really.
Babylon 5?: Sort of.
Fond memories: Stirred.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: film review (vol.3), sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Battlestar Galactica (DVD)

Starring: The guy who does the origami in Blade Runner, the love interest from Dances with Wolves and a whole stack of other people who aren't bad but just can't compete.

Rated: 15

Story: The exiled robot slaves of humanity, the Cylons, return home to the twelve colonies of Kobol after an absence of forty years. They hold something of a grudge. After some serious Armageddon, all that remains of humanity is a small fleet of civilian ships led by a single military battlestar, the Galactica.

They run away.

Their only hope is the lost thirteenth colony - Earth.

Comments: The history of film and television is littered with decisions which must have seemed like no-brainers at the time but which later turned out to be a little iffy. ('Another Star Wars film, Mr Lucas? But, of course! Why not make three?' or 'I tell you what, let's hire Ben Affleck.') Then there are other decisions which seem insane even now but richly paid off. ('I know! We'll bring back Dr Who with Billie Piper as his assistant,' or 'All right, you've talked me into it, let's give this whole Buffy thing another try. I suppose the film wasn't that bad...')

Re-imagining Battlestar Galactica is definitely in the latter category. I have no idea what they were smoking when they came up with the idea but I'm very glad they went through with it. Forget the seventies version. This is tense, gritty war drama with a big slice of politics, a dash of religion and regular, spaceship-sized explosions. Fantastic.

Admittedly, after watching the first episodes, I wasn't too sure whether I could be bothered with any more. The initial mini-series is impressive enough but it's a bit of a downer since it deals at length with the end of human civilisation. Also, Season 1 is a little by-the-numbers at the beginning but this changes as the conflicts and schemes amongst the survivors start to build and the Cylon threat becomes more complex. Some of them look human; some of them even think they are human. The military command and democratic government of the fleet must try to work together against the threat of terrorism. Resources dwindle, the fighter pilots get tired, the story arcs build and the civilians start complaining there isn't enough hot water. Then, whenever things seem to settle down, there's a new twist. Everything continues to crank up during Season 2 with more discoveries and revelations. The first four episodes of Season 3 are as frantic and entwined as anything 24 has to offer. (There's also the bonus that they reach something of a conclusion rather than everything just unexpectedly rattling off in a different direction).

One of the strengths of the show is that very little is ever black and white. The Cylons have a legitimate fear of humanity. The humans cannot see past their prejudice against 'the toasters'. The leaders of the fleet often have to make difficult decisions that serve the greater good and they don't always get them right. It's all refreshingly mature.

If there's anything to be said against the show, it's that some of the characters are a bit annoying. The pilots, Apollo and Starbuck, need a good slapping on occasion. This is off-set, however, by the performances of Edward James Olmos as Commander Adama and Mary McDonnell as President Roslin. They do an exceptional job at keeping everything together.

If you start now, you might just about manage to catch up before Season 4 starts on Sky One after Christmas. Of course, if, like me, you're with Virgin Media and don't get Sky One any more, you might want to pace yourself or you'll be left with plenty of time to curse Rupert Murdoch and all his minions before the DVD release. (Sort it out, people!)

Conclusion: Drama, political commentary, big fights and spaceships. What's not to like?

Explosions: Loads.
Stunning CGI space battles: Frequent.
Duff episodes: Surprisingly few.
Dodgy haircuts, flared trousers and disco: None.
Chance of me finishing this review before skiving off to watch the rest of Season 3: [To do].

Rating: 5/5.

Labels: drama, film review (vol.3), sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Deja Vu (DVD)

Starring: Denzel Washington, Val Kilmer, James Caviezel

Rated: 12

Story: There's a major terrorist attack in New Orleans. Luckily, the US government has discovered how to harness the power of pixies in order to view events exactly four and a quarter days in the past. They get a local federal agent (Washington) to help them figure out where to point the pixies so as to catch the culprit as quickly as possible. This involves solving a separate murder, a ludicrous car chase, a couple of paradoxes and falling in love with someone who's already dead.

Comments: I don't usually bother with DVD extras. I find being told how a movie was made a bit like having a joke explained. I'm not that fussed about hearing the director muttering into a microphone about the creative challenge of their latest project, either. Extended scenes were usually cut short for a reason. And so on. I did start on the commentary for Deja Vu, though. I hoped that someone might point out a way in which it all made sense and thus take my headache away.

I was sadly disappointed.

The makers of Deja Vu are in denial. The commentary starts with three of them sitting around claiming it's not a science fiction film but a love story. One of them even claims it's science fact rather than science fiction. Twice.

Excuse me? If your story revolves around a technology that doesn't even remotely exist then it's science fiction. Having a plausible explanation couched in quantum physics doesn't let you off the hook - it just goes to prove that you don't have the faintest idea what you're doing. (And, sorry, having a love interest doesn't make it a love story).

By talking up the details of the science, Deja Vu is on a hiding to nothing. Those who know about the actual science won't be convinced and those who don't will just be confused. The makers would have been better off briefly mentioning that it's all down to pixies and simply getting on with things.

The evil robot in Terminator 2 is essentially made of pixies. Does anyone care? Not really. Its unlikely shape-shifting abilities are hurriedly glossed over. No one dwells on the mechanics or complications of time travel, either. It's all just a set up for some explosions and a few thoughts on fate and free-will.

Most good science fiction films rely on the fact that any suitably advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. How the machine works isn't really important - it's what's done with it that matters. Deja Vu doesn't embrace the pixies, however; it goes to great lengths to explain them away. You have to suspect the director and friends just didn't want the words 'science' and 'fiction' associated with them at the same time in case they got banished to a basement full of Star Trek fans by their literary buddies.

The film-makers did rope in some scientists to help but, unfortunately, they asked the scientists the wrong question. They asked, 'How might it be possible to look back in time?" The scientists gave a complicated explanation full of big words that was entirely speculation. The film-makers then regurgitated this speculation as fact in an effort at credibility.

What they should have done was handed over a script to the scientists and asked, 'Is this internally consistent?' That way, some of the enormous holes in the story might have been plugged and a few basic science errors corrected. The whole thing might even have made some kind of sense. Meanwhile, the technological plot device at the heart of the film could have happily remained powered by pixies and yet the overall suspension of disbelief required would have been greatly reduced.

The action sections are great and all the actors turn in passable performances. In the right hands (i.e. not those of science-phobic arts graduates), Deja Vu could have been a fantastic film. As it is, it's slick and entertaining but ultimately a dog's breakfast.

Conclusion: If you put CSI, 24, The Bourne Identity and Back to the Future in a box and shook them together you might get this. You'd probably be tempted, however, to close the lid and rattle the box about a bit more in the hope of getting something better.

Explosions: Big.
Scientists: Geeky.
Flux capacitors: None.
Understanding of science fiction: Minimal.
Pixies: Not enough.
Confusion: Great.
Headache: Enormous.

Rating: C+ out of 5.

Labels: action (vol.2), film review (vol.2), film review (vol.3), sci-fi (vol.1), thriller

 
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  A Scanner Darkly (DVD)

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr, Winona Ryder, Woody Harrelson & Rory Cochrane (Nice to see he got some work after CSI: Miami).

Rated: 15

Story: Bob Arctor (Reeves) is an undercover narcotics cop whose identity is secret even to his superiors. While investigating a group of suspects in the hope of learning the source of a drug known as Substance D, he finds himself struggling to hold onto reality. Since it's not a very interesting reality, you have to wonder why he bothers...

Comments: This movie is based on a novel by Philip K Dick who was one of my favourite authors when I was a teenager (back when I still had time to read) so I was quite looking forward to it. I was expecting a futuristic conspiracy story set on one of the moons of Jupiter. Unfortunately, I'd got entirely confused over my PKD stories and was somewhat surprised to find myself watching a near-future conspiracy story set in a house full of spaced-out junkies. It wasn't entirely what I was in the mood for... (The story I'd been thinking of is The Mold of Yancy. You can read an amusing/scary analysis of its fore-telling of the Bush administration here.)

The first thing to note about the movie is its visual style - it's sort of animated. How can a film be 'sort of' animated, I hear you ask? Well, it appears they shot it all in live-action and then traced and shaded over the top to make it into a cartoon. This probably involved a lot of work. Which is a shame because, as with cel-shaded computer games, it frequently appears quite drab. Certainly it gives the opportunity for some striking effects but most of the time it just removes detail and texture, making scenes seem lifeless.

Not that there's much going on anyway. A large part of the film is junkies sitting around being hyper, depressed or paranoid at each other. There is an actual conspiracy taking place but it isn't very fleshed out and seems tacked on.

It doesn't take long to wonder if the movie is going anywhere. And it's not really. It does make the point that drugs are bad for you and big corporations aren't necessarily much better but that's not entirely startling news. I nearly fell asleep.

The whole thing feels like a waste of the decent cast.

Conclusion: I'd like to give A Scanner Darkly a high mark for tackling a difficult subject, for artistic style and for being based on something by Philip K Dick. Problem is, I wanted to watch the second half in fast-forward because I was bored. The review scheme says I have to give it a 1. (Cue five junkies rambling interminably about authoritarian abuse of objective integrity... At length... And nothing much else happening... And this conclusion dragging on... Until... ... ... It ends).

Explosions: None.
Rambling: Plenty.
Sense: Little.
Drug abuse: Lots.
Excitement: Not much.
Most memorable scene: A heated discussion over the exact number of gears on a mountain bike.
Really?: Yes.

Rating: 1/5.

Labels: drama, film review (vol.2), sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Star Trek: Nemesis (DVD)

Starring: The usual suspects and Tom Hardy

Rated: 12

Story: The crew of the Enterprise is sent to negotiate with the mysterious new Romulan leader. The main characters constantly tease and smirk at each other. There are frequent fan-pleasing references to Star Trek lore. It all ends with a lengthy space battle.

Comments: The Star Trek movies involving the original cast all had long, ponderous titles like The Search for Spock, The Voyage Home & The Undiscovered Country. The Next Generation movies have opted for punchier monikers like First Contact & Insurrection. Even the recent games are called meaningless things like Armada and Legacy. I think it's some desperate attempt to keep us interested and make sure we don't fall asleep before the end of the opening credits.

To be honest, I stopped watching the TV series after Babylon 5 came along. Star Trek seemed a bit shallow and tiresome after that. Still, I've seen the other movies and enough TNG to follow this without a problem. There's the odd reference to Voyager and DS9 which I haven't seen but nothing important. If you don't know what TNG stands for, however, you're going to struggle. This is a by-the-numbers sequel for fans and hangers-on. If you've been stuck in a Chinese prison for a long time and missed out on the new Star Trek then don't start here. Go and rent the series on DVD but make sure you watch B5 and the re-made Battlestar Galactica first. (Yes, they've re-made Battlestar Galactica and it's good. What were the chances of that? No cure for cancer yet, though).

Assuming you haven't had a Jack Bauer experience, you know the characters, you know the set-up and you pretty much know what's going to happen. It's still entertaining, though - certainly more so than any of the new Star Wars films. (Oh yeah, there's new Star Wars. It's rubbish). There's some exploration of whether it's nature or nurture which makes us who we are but it doesn't really go anywhere. Nemesis is not out to challenge - it's comfort viewing. It's one to watch when you're too tired to play a game but can't quite be bothered to go to bed. Grab a beer, lie down on the sofa and let it slip past your eyes.

As far as the cast is concerned, it's business as usual. Patrick Stewart is very professional about it all and his opening piece reminded me of playing Oblivion, which is always good. Most of the rest of them are going through the motions and dreaming wistfully of the big, fat cheque. Jonathan Frakes has turned into the Cheshire cat.

Amazingly, Star Trek XI is in production. They haven't decided on a title yet but they're going to have their work cut out making anyone care. Personally I'm looking forward to Star Trek: Food Fight, Star Trek: !!!!!!!!!!!! or Star Trek: Must Die. I'd stay awake for those.

Conclusion: As familiar and comfortable as a pair of old slippers.

Explosions: Some.
Smug first officers: One.
Ludicrous action sequences: At least three.
Fond memories of 1987: Plenty.

Rating: 3/5

Labels: action (vol.1), film review (vol.1), sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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  Reign of Fire (DVD)

Starring: Christian Bale (Batman Begins), Matthew McConaughey, Izabella Scorupco (Who was in GoldenEye apparently. Oh yeah, coming back to me now...)

Rated: 12

Story: It is twenty years in the future and the world has been turned to ash by dragons. Quinn (Bale) leads a community of survivors who have holed up in a ruined castle in Northumberland, trying to eke out an existence while avoiding being snacked on by marauding flying lizards. It seems all is lost. Then a bunch of American soldiers turn up with a stash of nylons and chocolate, and an unlikely plan for victory.

Comments: I seem to remember the posters for this movie showing dragons swooping over the flaming ruins of the Houses of Parliament. I imagined a desperate fight through the skies and streets of the capital, landmarks exploding left and right - kind of like Godzilla but in London AND WITH DRAGONS! How excellent... But, no. That bit, where the dragons take over, is told via a quick flick through the magazine clippings in Quinn's scrapbook. Drat.

For a few minutes it looks like we're going to get an interesting take on the post-Apocalypse movie. Normally we get something set immediately after the disaster (28 Days Later) or so far in the future that everyone's forgotten what happened (Waterworld). Twenty years is long enough for a new society, a new mythology even, to have arisen but short enough for everything to remain rooted in actual memories of our world. These people live a medieval life but re-enact Star Wars for the children. Forget the dragons, let's pretend it was a nuclear war and try to draw some truths about humanity from the aftermath - that would be a great movie... But, again, no. Dragons start turning up and we get a middle-of-the-road action movie. Set mostly in a quarry. Drat.

"But at least it has dragons," I hear you cry and, yes, it has dragons but... but... I'm sorry, dragons don't exist. For some reason my brain can cope with computer generated images of aliens and mummies, vampires and ghosts but show me a dragon chasing a helicopter and it's like someone is trying to sell me a Rolex for a tenner. We're told from such an early age that dragons aren't real, it's very hard to forget. This movie requires more than the suspension of disbelief; it requires the suspension of most higher brain function. Still, as long as there's plenty of tense, close-quarters battling with dragons... Er, yet again, no. The dragons fly fast and spew vast amounts of napalm-death everywhere. The humans run away and hide in holes (usually in the script). Drat.

That's not to say the movie isn't fun, it could just be so much more. It's only in the last half an hour that it settles on its direction and we finally get some proper dragon-slaying thrills. Is that enough to save it...? Thankfully, yes. Hurrah!

Conclusion: There are lots of good ideas here but few are followed through. Bale and McConaughey do well with what they're given, however, and keep things moving along. It's definitely watchable but the real fun is in thinking up all the better dragon movies they almost made.

Explosions: None.
Dragons: Some.
Napalm: Lots.
Opportunities missed: Countless.

Rating: 3/5

Labels: film review (vol.1), sci-fi, sci-fi (vol.1)

 
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