Stuff for Dads

  LEGO Indiana Jones
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Playset

Price: £70

Contents:

• Moulded base (approximately 26x38 cm).
• 10 LEGO figures.
• Hundreds and hundreds of little plastic bits.
• 2 thick construction manuals.
• Sheet of stickers.

Gameplay: Build a temple and then create your own adventure, guiding Indy through the traps in a hunt for treasure and glory. (Or as my daughter prefers, put him in prison, pelt him with skulls and then drop him down a pit. It's up to you...)


This is more bits than it looks.

Construction time: You could probably put it together in three hours but the amount of time required will double with every little helper you have.

Age: Officially 8-14 years and it's a choking hazard for those under three (and any dozing grandparents they try to feed Indiana Jones to). That said, young children can play with the completed model and it's my six-year-old who's really got into the building side of things.

Comments: I was hoping that Sprog1, who's eight, would enjoy this. Unfortunately, when I brought it out, he merely looked up briefly from his Pokémon game and then went straight back to training his Geodude.

I started out making the set myself with three-year-old Sproglette finding me some of the pieces. Sprog2 pretended not to watch but I kept catching him peeking over the top of his DS. Eventually, he came and joined in. First he fought Sproglette to find pieces, then he began putting them together and, finally, he took over. He did most of the second half of the building. I had to help and correct occasionally but he got there. Then he played with it for a couple of hours.

The next day, he took the whole thing apart and started again. He's hooked. (Maybe I can persuade him he wants Mars Mission LEGO for Christmas after all...)


Duhhh-du-duh-da! Duh-du-duhhh!

It's taking considerably longer to build second time round, though. When I first opened the box, it didn't look like the set contained that many bits but this was merely because they were sorted into bags for each section of the model. This was very handy. (Although I did panic that I'd lost some pieces until I discovered that there were two Bag Threes.) Now that all the bricks are muddled together, finding the right ones is a task in itself. Helpfully, the instructions make it very clear which selection of pieces is needed for each page, so it's easy to make sure no bits have been missed.


The contents of just one bag. There are seven.

LEGO is comparatively expensive, but for all that it's just plastic bricks, there's a noticeable difference in the quality of materials and production between LEGO and a Power Rangers set we have that's by a different manufacturer. LEGO have been at this a long time and know what they're doing. The instructions are clear, the stickers don't cross joins in the bricks and the design is modular so it can be put back in the box without too much disassembly.

In my day, scenery detail was printed directly onto the bricks so it was disappointing to find that stickers are now being used. They were fiddly to put on neatly but, as stickers go, they're the best I've had to deal with while putting a toy together. Despite sticking firmly once pressed down, they peeled off and repositioned easily during initial application. They also have a clear background, making the finished result look almost as good as printing if care is taken not to trap any loose hair or suchlike underneath.

In terms of being a playset, having not seen the new movie yet, some of the model doesn't make much sense. Why does the temple appear to have fold-down solar panels? And what's with the skeletons on a roundabout? I've no idea but it's entertaining making up explanations. (Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Last Eco Swing Park of Doom!) Doubtless all will become clear once I've seen the film. In the meantime, furling the panels quickly is a good way to catapult little LEGO bad guys across the room.


Nintendo DS shown for scale.

The true longevity of a LEGO set is in the ability to build other things from it. In this case, I'm thinking there's scope for a LEGO Running Man-style game show where contestants risk their lives across a series of deadly traps. I did some experimentation once the kids had gone to bed. (Purely for research purposes, you understand.) It was fun designing a collapsing floor but surprisingly hard work. There are plenty of different, versatile pieces in the set but not many of each type. There are also no traditional 4x2 blocks whatsoever, giving the model a less chunky appearance but making it difficult for novices to create new designs. Unless you're a LEGO ninja, you'll be needing a tub of 'normal' bricks and the cannibalised remains of a LEGO Technic set to really get going. With those, though, you'll have a stop-motion LEGO version of Indiana Jones 5 up on YouTube before you know it.

I've had a few bad experiences re-visiting toys of my youth but designing and building stuff out of LEGO is as fun as I remember. Happily, my kids are won over too. Even Sprog1 is starting to get distracted from his virtual menagerie.



Conclusion: LEGO Indiana Jones works on a number of levels. It's fun to build, play with and modify, making it enjoyable for dads children of all ages.

Pros:

• Indiana Jones and LEGO. It's a combination difficult to get wrong.
• Plenty of moving parts.
• Lots to do and build.
• High quality production, design and presentation.

Cons:

• Quite an investment.
• Vast numbers of tiny, unique pieces. You're bound to find yourself hunting under the sofa at some point.
• Not based on the original film trilogy. Makes you hanker after a set with a rolling boulder.
• Every time you look at it, you'll get the Indiana Jones theme tune stuck in your head... for hours.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3), toy/game review (vol.4)

 
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  Risk

Price: £20.

Contents:

• Gameboard.
• Deck of 44 Risk cards. (Newer versions have Secret Mission cards as well.)
• Six differently coloured sets of playing pieces. (Newer versions have pieces shaped in the form of infantry, cavalry and artillery to represent different sizes of army.)
• 5 dice.

Gameplay: Players have an initial supply of armies and take it in turns to place an army on the board, claiming one of the forty-two territories. Once all the board is taken, the players continue placing armies on their own territories to strengthen their position until their stock is gone.

After this set up is complete, the first player receives reinforcements and can attack neighbouring territories from any of their own territories containing two or more armies. The attacking player gets one less dice than the number of attacking armies (maximum of three); the defending player gets one dice for every defending army (maximum of two). The highest dice roll of each player is compared. If the attacker has a higher number, then the defender loses an army; otherwise the attacker loses an army. If applicable, the second highest dice roll of each player is compared in the same way.

A player can attack as many times as they like from as many territories as they like in their turn. At the end of their go, they can move one group of armies one space. They also receive a card if they managed to capture a territory.

Reinforcements are gained at a rate of one for every three territories held (minimum of three). Controlling all territories on a continent at the start of their go, gives players bonus reinforcements. Trading in sets of three cards also means extra armies.


I must have had this set twenty-five years...

Object:

• Basic game: Capture every territory on the board.
• Variant: Each player chooses a territory as their headquarters. The winner is the first person to capture all the headquarters.
• Some versions also have Secret Missions. Each player is dealt four hidden objectives to complete in order to win, such as capture a certain number of territories or particular continents.

Game length: Anywhere between an hour and forever. Generally, the more players there are, the longer it takes.

Number of players: 2-6.

Age: Officially 10+ but an eight-year-old can pick it up. A six-year-old will need plenty of advice on what to do every turn. A three-year-old will gleefully roll dice and scream, 'Don't attack my pink ones!' Bear in mind, however, that the game involves a large number of little plastic pieces which can be easily swallowed or sent flying - you'll want to keep hungry, boisterous pets and toddlers well out of the way.



Comments: When Sprog1 came back from a friend's house and told me excitedly about how the friend's brother had been playing a cool game requiring rolling different coloured dice and moving armies around the world, I had conflicting reactions. On the one hand, I rejoiced. 'Hooray! He's taking an interest in strategy games!' On the other, I sighed. 'Oh. I've got to play Risk.'

Don't get me wrong, Risk is a good game. With a few friends, a couple of drinks and plenty of time to kill it can turn into a complex game of planning and betrayal. It's definitely not perfect, though. It's slow, long, isn't as much fun with two players and always ends with one player wiping the floor with the others. These features aren't too handy when introducing a child to strategy games.

At least the rules are relatively simple and there's a strong element of luck. Balancing the possibility of success and failure is part of the game but even the best plans can be thwarted by disastrous dice rolls. This gives inexperienced players a chance.

The main problem is that, as with Monopoly, it's generally pretty clear who's going to win half an hour before they actually manage it. If there are more than two players, some of them can be knocked out well before the end. Coupled with a lengthy set up phase, the game can really drag.

Conclusion: This is a good entry to strategy board games... but maybe not for children.

Pros:

• Simple rules.
• Surprising depth.
• Easily understood concept. (Conquer the world!)
• Plenty of opportunity for alliances and betrayal.

Cons:

• Games can drag on a little too long.
• Works best with lots of players.
• You need to allow at least a couple of hours.
• The score always ends 42-0 which is never much fun for those who get zero. This can lead to tears.
• One swipe from a passing two-year-old and it's Game Over.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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  Sonic the Hedgehog soft toy

Price: £10

The box suggests that there are three other toys in the series. Tails is definitely widely available. Knuckles has been sighted. Dr Robotnik (or is it Eggman?) may or may not exist.

Comments: If a marketing firm were told to sit down and create a mascot for a videogame firm, it's highly unlikely they'd come up with Mario. Let's be honest, he's a fat plumber with a dodgy Italian accent and ill-advised facial hair. He's not really first choice as the face of a multi-billion dollar corporation. Nonetheless, he's probably the most bankable star in the world of interactive entertainment. Stick the name 'Mario' on the front of the box and any game will fly off the shelves. Thanks to his roots in the days of 8-bit technology, he looks weird and he has a bizarre life-story but he also has a portfolio of stunning work which goes back decades. There's hardly a duff game in his résumé. It doesn't matter that he's a reject from The Village People - Nintendo's quality control on his titles has ensured he's a videogame legend.

The marketing firm might well devise Sonic, though. They'd come up with Lara Croft first, for the obvious reasons, but Sonic would be next on the list. He's a spiky, blue hedgehog with attitude who runs really fast and wears trendy trainers. He's parent-friendly, he's cool and he understands where the kidz are at... or whatever. There must be something appealing about him anyway - he's barely starred in a good game in ten years and yet Sega still keep making them. Someone must be buying them.

About the only thing Sonic seems to be better than Mario at, is being a soft toy. This effort is more cuddly, higher quality and, quite frankly, vastly less hideous than the plush plumber that we got last year. As an added bonus, it's also vomit resistant and can withstand being machine-washed with anti-bacterial washing powder. (Hedgehogs that show attitude round here soon learn the error of their ways...)

The only downside is that it would have been nice if Sprog2 could have been obsessed with Mario:



or Pokémon:



like his older brother. Then we wouldn't be drowning in quite so many cuddly toys and I'd have to help out with fewer rubbish games. (Sigh.)

We've got the tails toy too:



It's OK but does anyone care about Tails?

I thought not.

Still, if you have a Sega fan of your own, you can't go far wrong with one of the Sonic toys (even if he is an irritating human-hedgehog Frankenstein monster of a marketing creation).

Conclusion: If only Sonic's games were this good...

Height: 12 inches.
Fabric: Plush and shiny.
Stuffing: Quick-drying.
Likeness to the actual character: Passable.
Best feature: You get to kick Sonic down the stairs when the kids aren't looking.
What I have to do now: Put all these toys back exactly where I found them, or I'm a dead man.

Rating: 4/5.



Available from GAME.

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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  Swingball Junior Basketball

Price: £30.

Contents:

• Hoop with back board.
• Adjustable stand allowing the hoop to be between 1.5m and 2.15m high.
• Base (which doubles as the box).
• Mini basketball.
• Pump.

Gameplay: It's basketball! Theoretically, there are two teams and the members of each team bounce the ball around, throw it to each other and try to score by getting it through the top of the hoop. In reality, for this to work, you need a large, flat, open area with a hard surface. For it to be fun, you also need older children with decent coordination and roughly similar ability.

Most likely, you'll end up having kids standing in line to take turns shooting penalties or you'll organise a competition to see who can score from the furthest distance.

Object: To get the ball through the hoop as many times as possible without losing the ball in the neighbours garden or a fight breaking out over whose turn it is.



Game length: After you've gone to the trouble of putting it together, you'll want them to play it for at least half an hour.

Number of players: All the children you have, plus every other child in the neighbourhood who happens to be passing.

Age: Any child who can hold a ball will want a shot, even if they can't actually throw... or walk. If you have a child under three, be prepared for plenty of dangling a toddler over the hoop while they think very carefully about how best to drop the ball through.

Comments: Hooray! Sunshine! Thanks to all the rain last summer, I barely managed to review any outdoor gear. With luck, things will be better this year - we've had several (almost) nice days already. Of course, since Sprog1 and Sproglette have incredibly pale skin, I should probably make the most of it just now. If it gets really sunny, they'll explode in balls of fire as soon as they head out the door.

That never make for a fun game of tennis.

So, while I can still get the kids outside without needing umbrellas or having to coat them with an inch of sunblock, it's time to evict the spiders from the shed and see what fun stuff is lying around. Top of the pile is Swingball Junior Basketball.

Despite the manufacturer's assurances, it takes a fair amount of putting together. Trying to take it apart again to fit neatly back in the box is seriously not worth the effort. Once the ball's inflated, it won't fit anyway. We normally just take the stand out of the base and lean it up a corner of the shed. The base is supposed to be filled with sand or water for added stability but a couple of medium-sized rocks work just fine and are a lot less effort.

The ball bounces well and is a good size for small hands. It's a little small and light to control while dribbling, however. It's best to stick to throwing and shooting. The hoop is hinged so that, if anyone tries swinging from it, it folds down rather than breaking. A rubber washer helps prevent the adjustable mechanism from sliding down by itself but ours perished after a year or so. Happily, this had no adverse effects and simply made altering the height easier.

It's possible to miss out a section of the stand and make the maximum and minimum heights 45cm shorter. This is plenty high enough for under-fives.

All in all, the set does its job as a basketball hoop that can be set up almost anywhere. It's sturdy and looks good. Kids are desperate to play with it. That said, basketball is a tricky game to play without the ball being fumbled and skidding off in all directions or kids getting in a scuffle. You'll need a good surface and have to put in plenty of coaching before there's any chance of a proper game. If you're going to go to that much effort, you might want to invest in something more permanent. Still, Swingball Junior is great for target practice and far easier for young children to get to grips with than any racket games.



Conclusion: This is an outdoor game enjoyed by children of all ages and the adjustable height means that everyone can take part. Just don't expect to get any serious basketball going.

Pros:

• It's outside.
• Develops aiming skills and coordination.
• Doesn't involve a TV, Mario, Pokémon or Sonic and it's not pink.
• You don't need a suitable wall to stick a hoop to.
• Can be easily adjusted for children of different sizes.
• Throwing a ball into a hoop is always fun.

Cons:

• Fiddly and time consuming to set up if it's been packed away completely.
• As closely related to real basketball as a plastic club and a ping-pong ball are related to real golf.
• Nailing a wastepaper basket with the bottom knocked out to the side of the shed would be almost as good.
• Actually, just putting the bin in the middle of the lounge and lobbing screwed up paper balls at it would be close enough (and would save you having to go outside... Oh, hang on...)

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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  Transformers action figure - Final Battle Jazz

Price: £15 but there's a good chance that your local toy shop will have a bargain bin full of these, along with Dr Who cat people and little plastic pirates that vaguely resemble Johnny Depp. (The Keira Knightley action figures are all gone - sorry...)

Contents:

• One Autobot that can transform between a robot and a car.
• Detachable gun and shield.
• Projectile for the gun. (Not shown in the picture. It's blue and shiny and I can't find it anywhere.)

Age: 5+. This seems about right. Any child under five is going to struggle a lot getting the thing to transform. (As opposed to everyone else, who will only struggle quite a bit.)

Comments: I never had any Transformers toys as a kid but I always kind of hankered after them. It's a robot and a car! Wow! (I'd rather have had an Imperial AT-AT Walker, obviously, or that Action Man death-slide or a Big Trak, but I certainly wouldn't have minded finding Megatron and chums under the Christmas tree.) I did get to borrow a friend's Transformer once. I remember it being chunkier than this one and, well, a bit easier to transform, to be honest. A handful of twists and you were done.

Those days have apparently gone the way of Big Trak and decent Star Wars films...

Sprog2 got Final Battle Jazz for his birthday and had absolutely no clue what it was. The recent movie is rated 12 so he hasn't seen it and he wasn't aware of robots in disguise. He put the unopened blister pack on the shelf and forgot about it. I was tempted to show him the toy in operation but, realising it might be tricky, I waited until the evening and then tested it out. (Purely for research purposes, you understand...)

The diagrammatic instructions were incomprehensible. ('You fold what where now?') After about five minutes, I'd got this far:



The joints were stiff but everything else felt somewhat fragile. I was constantly afraid I was going to snap a bit off while attempting to get the hinges to function properly. This wasn't helped by the fact that I wasn't entirely sure what the proper functions of most of the hinges actually were.

Another ten minutes got me to here:



This was not a good place to be. Five minutes later, I was back to here again:



As I sat there, trying to figure it out for my six-year-old child, I couldn't help thinking that I needed a six-year-old child to figure it out for me. Nonetheless, I clung to the knowledge that I have a physics degree, and I had another go at deciphering the instructions. After a little while I made some progress:



The end seemed in sight.

It wasn't:



By this point, I'd realised that some of the hinges really did need a large amount of force and that, luckily, the toy wasn't as fragile as it felt. I yanked it around some more until, at last:



My thumbs were very sore but I was done. I sighed with relief and then considered turning it back into a robot now that I'd 'got the hang of it'. Thankfully, I resisted this urge and went and got a beer. I left the car out for the morning.

When I came down to make breakfast, Sprog2 was sitting at the table with the Transformer in his hands and he shouted with glee, "Look, Daddy! It turns into a robot and back into a car again!"

This was quite demoralising. I imagined he'd figured the thing out in the time it had taken me to get dressed. Then he happily pulled the arms sideways and flipped out the head. Voila! A robot:



Then he shoved it back together again. He seemed pleased.

I'm not going to let on, if you don't...

Conclusion: Cool but strangely reminiscent of assembling Ikea furniture.



Pros:

• It's a robot that transforms into a car!
• Even has a projectile weapon.
• Gives you an excuse to wander around talking like Optimus Prime all day.
• You know you want one.

Cons:

• Actually getting it to transform is harder work than being a contestant on The Krypton Factor.
• Stiff joints coupled with flimsy bodywork - not a good combination.
• Projectile is liable to be lost behind the sofa within minutes.
• You don't want one as much as a replica Millennium Falcon.

Rating: 4/5.


Ah ha! Found it!

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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  Guess Who?

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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  Frustration

Price: £8

Contents:

• Moulded plastic board with dice popper.
• 16 coloured pegs: 4 red, 4 yellow, 4 green and 4 blue.

Gameplay: Players take turns to press down the popper in the middle of the board and roll the dice inside. They then get to move one of their four pieces the indicated number of spaces around the outside edge of the board. Rolling a six means an extra go and is required to get a piece started. Landing on an opposing piece sends it back to the start.

Object: To be the first player to move all their pieces round the board and land them safely home. (And you've guessed it - exact dice rolls are required. You know, just for a little extra frustration...)

Game length: At least five minutes longer than the youngest player can be bothered to keep going. You should probably allow half an hour.

Number of players: 2-4.

Age: 4+ but, if you're helping out, younger children can join in. All they really need to be able to do is press the popper a lot. Getting them to do it only on their own go is the trick.



Comments: I guess the clue is in the title. Sprog1 got this game when he was three and enjoyed the popping dice and all the counting. He couldn't actually move his pieces himself, however, because of the design of the board. The moulded plastic surface has a circular slot on each space. Small children insist on placing their pieces firmly in the slot for each space they pass. This is slow and fiddly. In fact, it takes so long, they tend to get confused how many spaces they've counted already, which way they're going and whose turn it is. I ended up doing most of the moving myself.

Sprog2 quickly joined in, even though he could barely walk. Obviously, he couldn't move his pieces either but at least the slots reduced the risk of the pieces flying everywhere every time he bumped the board.

The boys then decided mummy should play too, despite the fact she was at work. They took it in turns to pop the dice for her. They also insisted that we all change to different coloured pieces every game and swap seats round the table on a regular basis. I had to move the pieces for all four of us and somehow manage it in the right order.

This was quite tricky.

It wouldn't have been so bad but the game is quite... frustrating. There are frequent periods where no one can do anything until they roll a six which means lots of, 'It's your go... my go... his go... mummy's go,' muttering, with more time spent persuading children to roll the dice than actually playing the game. Then, when someone is finally getting somewhere, another player lands on them and they're back to the start and needing to roll a six again.

Frustration is essentially a fancy version of Ludo with an earthquake-proof board and a dice you can't lose. It's OK but there are plenty of other alternatives. For instance, we've recently been playing Pokemon Sorry!. It's similar but less irritating because there's a little more strategy and there are ways of jumping ahead not just of being sent back. I also have fond memories of Coppit from childhood. Failing those, you probably have a copy of Ludo already. If not, you could make one in minutes.

Conclusion: Frustrating.

Pros:

• Involves counting.
• Kids love the popper.
• The way the board holds the pieces means you can play it on your lap without everything spilling.

Cons:

• Pop. Pop. Pop.
• It's really just Ludo.
• Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.
• Slow and frustrating at times.
• Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.
• The counters are easy to lose and a choking hazard.
• Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.
• You know all this popping? This is often how much there is before anyone gets to move. Enjoy.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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  Disney's Princess magazine

Price: £2.50 every two weeks.

Contents:

• 44 page magazine featuring, 'Enchanting princess stories, pretty colouring pages & lovely things to make and do.'
• A tacky, plastic gift (usually bling).

Age: I'm guessing this is aimed at four and five-year-olds. Puzzles include simple mazes, counting questions and a wordsearch containing essential vocabulary such as 'TIARA', 'SHOES' and 'BALLGOWN'.

Comments: Campaigners have got it all wrong. Newsagents' shelves are upside down. The lad's mags with semi-naked ladies on the cover are much more likely to warp my mind than those of my kids. Putting them up high at my eye-level isn't too handy. Meanwhile, this kind of nefarious, pink brain-rot goes just where my girl can see it.

Cheers.

Don't get me wrong - there's some decent Disney Princess merchandise out there. Sproglette got a fantastic book/music-player combo for Christmas that I'll review if I ever find it for sale anywhere. That phone thing isn't bad either. This publication, however, is somewhat worrying.

Yes, Disney's Princess magazine - 'Where every girl can be a princess!' Read about Beauty and the Beast organising a party, Cinderella opening the royal gardens to the public and Jasmine putting on a parade. Cheer with the common people. Gasp at the pink decor. Marvel at the amount of corseting that must be involved.

It's all just a little bit scary. (Not as bad as the Christmas annual, though. That has Jasmine brightening up the slums of Agrabah by sprinkling them with sequins).

Dubious social messages and gender stereotyping aside, the puzzles are OK and there's plenty to colour in. The instructions on how to make things are dreadful, however. Want to make a crown? Well, what you have to do, apparently, is 'Cut a crown shape from card and decorate it with jewels.' Genius, eh? (Oh, and that's shiny, pink card, by the way, in case you were in any doubt. Preferably, you should use pink glue and pink scissors as well.)

The jewellery is as durable as it appears but it does look quite cute when worn. At least, it does when worn by a small child. If she insists on you wearing it, pink had better be your colour.

I do wonder about the brain-washing effects this might have on my girl but maybe I shouldn't worry - Sproglette has just gone through the magazine scribbling over the princess' eyes with black felt-tip 'so they can't see'. Maybe we'll turn her into a physicist yet (with pink shoes and a tiara).


Four rings - that's a lot of bling for one small girl.

Conclusion: You might want to humour your little princess every once in a while but think carefully before letting doting grandparents get her a subscription.

Pros:

• Features both Belle and The Little Mermaid. (Note to self: Must get out more.)
• The 'free' jewellery will probably hold its appeal for longer than the inflatable Fimble (or whatever else) that's stuck to the cover of CBeebies Magazine.
• Er...

Cons:

• Contains scary, anorexic role models who seriously need to get a grip.
• Make-it-yourself pages are ludicrous.
• Will have you sharpening a guillotine in no time.
• Just wrong in so many ways...

Rating: 2/5.


In contrast, this is actually really great. Good luck trying to find one on eBay.

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  Hama beads

Price: £Various.

Contents: A typical set consists of:

• Two or three peg boards.
• A stupidly large number of cylindrical plastic beads in a variety of colours.
• A few little stands for displaying completed designs.

How does it works? A pattern or picture is created by placing the beads onto pegs on a board. A special sheet of paper is placed on top of the design and then a hot iron is rubbed over it for a few seconds. The heat fuses the beads together. The paper and board can then be pealed off to use again.



What does it make? A thin, but reasonably durable, mosaic.

How long does it take?: Ten square inches of board (for small beads) should keep a three-year-old busy long enough for you to clean most of the house. (You might want to leave a Tweenies DVD on to keep them company...)

Age: 3+ for safety but 5+ is the recommended age to make sure they can cope with the fiddliness. My three-year-old gets by, though.

Comments: Sproglette persuaded me to purchase a small set of this against my better judgement. I assumed she'd get bored and frustrated and give up after five minutes. (I know I would). Still, she smiled and said, 'Please!' which is more than the boys ever do, so I decided to just go with it. To my surprise, when she's in the mood, she can spend hours patiently searching out the exact beads she wants and painstakingly threading them onto the pegs. OK, she doesn't have the ability to design proper pictures but, because the boards are shaped, all she needs do is fill every peg in order to create something with a recognisable outline:


It may look like a paintball massacre but it's definitely a penguin.


The heart board is quite small. She does that one a lot...


...but we're out of pink beads.

Sprog2 has even joined in on occasion. The whole room was filled with the quiet hum of little minds concentrating really, really hard.

There are apparently three different sizes of bead. Bigger beads presumably mean that they're easier to handle but you get fewer beads. Fewer and easier beads means a dirtier house - it's probably worth experimenting to find the optimum balance between your child's patience and the amount of time you get for cleaning.

Conclusion: I can't see every child going for it but those that do will be absorbed for hours.

Pros:

• Encourages patience and concentration.
• Colourful.
• Has the potential to keep them quiet for a long time.
• You might even get some coasters out of it.

Cons:

• Kids might give up really quickly.
• A half-finished project is a storage nightmare.
• Requires locating your iron and dusting it off.
• You'll have to transfer each finished design from the table to somewhere where you can iron it. Don't sneeze.
• Small children + a tub of 3000 little plastic beads. What could possibly go wrong?
• Probably best not to put hot drinks on those coasters...

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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  Pop-Up Pirate!

Price: £10.

Contents:

• 1 pirate.
• 1 barrel.
• 1 barrel base.
• 24 coloured swords.
• Stickers.

Gameplay: Players take it in turns sliding swords into holes in the side of the barrel until the pirate pops out. The hole that makes the pirate pop changes with each game.

Object:

• New rules: To be the one to launch the pirate.
• Old rules: To avoid making the pirate pop up. Each round, the player who launches the pirate is eliminated until only one player is left.

Game length: 1-5 minutes, depending on chance and the decisiveness of those playing.

Number of players: 2-4.

Age: 4+ officially. Children younger than that can manage but they may struggle to insert the swords properly. They're also far more likely to inadvertently lean over the barrel as they do the inserting, thus risking taking a pirate to the chin.

The game is unlikely to hold the attention of children much older than five for long (unless they start experimenting with different projectiles and younger siblings).



Comments: I have fond memories of playing this at a friend's house when I was four or five. Unlike with Mouse Trap, however, it turns out that my recollections have not been corrupted by age and sleep deprivation. Pop-Up Pirate! is actually quite decent. True, there's not really much to it, but that means children of different ages can play it without the older children having an advantage. It's not as frustrating as Snakes and Ladders and the sudden-death nature of the game seems to keep children focussed even when it's not their go. There's little need to keep reminding participants whose turn it is and there's no hunting around for dice last seen being lobbed over a child's own shoulder, ricocheting off the cat and bouncing amongst the wires under the TV unit.

The game can be over almost instantly but this isn't a problem because it can be started-over almost instantly too. It's the kind of game you'd expect to play a few times in a sitting anyway.

Pop-Up Pirate! is exciting, colourful, quick to set up and can be explained in a few words. This makes it a good game for getting visiting children settled.

Conclusion: It's not going to keep them entertained for hours but it's a useful distraction for fifteen minutes every now and then.

Pros:

• Short.
• Simple.
• Contains a mild element of suspense.
• Small children are delighted when the pirate pops up.

Cons:

• The swords are easily scattered round the house.
• Putting on the stickers neatly is very difficult. (Those with OCD may want to leave them off to be on the safe side.)
• It's sometimes possible to insert a sword at a slight angle and avoid tripping the mechanism.
• I keep wanting to take our one apart to see how it works.

Rating: 4/5.

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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  Disney Princess Talk 'n Teach Telephone

Price: £20.

Contents: An old-fashioned telephone receiver and base with light-up number buttons and built-in phone book.

Gameplay: There are a number of games that can be selected:

• Find the number. The player is asked to find a particular number between 0 and 9.
• Find the picture. The player is asked a question such as 'What was turned into a carriage?' and must press the button with correct picture.
• Memory. Three buttons light up in turn and the player must remember the sequence and repeat it. If done correctly, an extra number is added to the end of the sequence. (Four numbers is the maximum, though).
• Shopping. The player must look up and enter the three-digit number of the correct shop when prompted.
• Music. Pressing each button plays a different tune.

Also, each of the four princesses featured has their own special button. Press it and enter the correct three-digit number to hear one of their favourite tunes.

Object: To be indoctrinated in the ways of sparkly pink consumerism.

Game length: Until the batteries run out.

Number of players: 1.

Age: 3-5 years. Three-year-olds will stab at the buttons rather than playing the games. Five-year-olds will need to be into the role-playing aspects of it so as not to become bored.

Comments: What is there to say? Just look at the picture and you'll know whether the Talk 'n Teach will blend into your life. If you have a small girl who likes pink stuff with Disney princesses on, she'll love this.

Well, OK, I guess there is quite a lot of Disney princess stuff out there. I'd better give you a little more information to aid your decision-making, should you foolishly venture into the dreaded pink aisle of Toys'R'Us.

This is actually more complex than it first appears. Trained by various other toy phones I've been subjected to, I was expecting it to merely play tunes and identify pictures and numbers. It does do those things but there are additional games and features. That said, it's a bit much for a three-year-old to cope with without supervision. In the Memory game, trying to enter the numbers too quickly means that they don't register. In the Shopping game, turning to the page of shop numbers resets the question. In the Find the picture game, knowledge of the stories is required. These little issues make the Talk 'n Teach confusing and it can be hard for small children to know if they're doing the right thing.

If you're going to have to sit and take an active role, you'd be as well doing something more convincing. (CBeebies games, for example). Older children might get on better but, since getting the answers correct doesn't bring much reward, there's little incentive for them to persevere.

Still, ignoring the limited educational potential, it's an attractive toy phone. It's got flashing lights, plays tunes and has pictures of princesses on it. If you have a small child who likes that sort of toy, they won't be disappointed. Obviously, you'll be paying a premium for those princess pictures but that's the nature of merchandising.

(It's possible you may be thinking of buying this for someone else's small child. If you don't check with the parents beforehand, you might want to consider an evil cackle as you hand it over.)

Conclusion: The price, noise and sheer horror of this are unlikely to make it your first choice as a birthday gift for any little girl in your household. It's not as awful as it looks, though, and, let's face it, if you take the little girl in question to Toys'R'Us with you, then your choice may not come into it anyway.

Pros:

• Plenty of tunes, lights, options and pictures.
• Will keep little girls busy (in a noisy kind of way).
• Has the phone numbers for Belle and The Little Mermaid.

Cons:

• Overly complicated.
• Little boys may not be so thrilled.
• Sanity threatening music and dialogue.
• Only two volume settings. ('Loud' and 'Still louder than you'd like'.)
• Belle and Ariel never answer my calls.
• Made from toxic levels of sugar and spice.

Rating: Pink/5.

Labels: toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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  Hungry Hippos

Price: £10.

Contents:

• Game base featuring 4 ingeniously designed hippos that stretch out their neck and open their mouth when the lever on their back is pressed down.
• 24 little white balls.

Gameplay: Each player puts five balls in the reservoir by their hippo. The first player releases a ball and all the players hammer away on their levers until one of the hippos eats the ball or everyone in the house has a splitting headache. Play continues clockwise round the table with the players taking it in turns to release a ball until all the balls are gone.

Alternatively, for a quicker game, all the players can release a ball at once. For total mayhem and full aural pain, all the players can release all their balls at the same time.

Object: The winner is anyone in the vicinity who doesn't require paracetamol by the end of the game. In the unlikely event of a tie, the player with the hippo who's eaten the most balls wins.



Game length: Under five minutes.

Number of players: 2-4.

Age: 4+. Younger children enjoy playing with it but it takes a fair amount of rapidly applied force to make the hippos gobble, so kids under four will struggle to play the game properly. (There's the choking hazard issue with tiny children anyway).

Comments: I remember seeing adverts for Hungry Hippos on TV when I was small and I always longed for a set but never got one. This meant I was quite pleased when the kids received the game as a present from their uncle a year or two back. Having children had suddenly paid off and I opened the box with anticipation.

Sadly, the game just isn't as enjoyable as the happy-looking children on the box would make you believe. It's reasonable fun for a bit but it's loud and soon becomes repetitive.

There's some skill involved when only one ball is released at a time but balls regularly come to rest in the centre of the play area out of reach of all the hippos. This leads to a re-release, or more often than not, a partisan nudge by one of the players which, in turn, leads to squabbling. Very few children will be able to restrain themselves to one ball at a time for long, though. Multi-ball madness quickly ensues and much of the game becomes a matter of pumping the levers as quickly as possible and trusting to luck. This has its attractions to children but there's not much longevity.

Hungry Hippos is the kind of game that will be all the rage for an afternoon, lie out untouched for a couple of days and then sit in the box at the bottom of a pile of other games for six months until you insist the kids play it and the cycle begins again.

Conclusion: If you're desperate for a shot but don't want it cluttering the house, buy it for your nieces and nephews and then head round to their house for a go.

Hey, hang on a minute...

Pros:

• Requires a mixture of luck and skill.
• Involves counting.
• Bright and colourful.
• Fun in short bursts.
• Doesn't require batteries.
• Nostalgia value.

Cons:

• Awkward to get back in the box.
• Bulky.
• Full of little balls that are easy for you to lose and for a toddler to find.
• Makes a sound like marbles being rattled in a tin. Prolonged exposure means that the noise may continue in your head even after the game has stopped.
• Provides ample opportunity for cheating and mayhem. This is likely to lead to arguments. Then again, most games I review seem to have the potential for squabbling. Maybe it's just my children. Actually, maybe it's just children...

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: toy/game review (vol.2), toy/game review (vol.3)

 
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