Stuff for Dads

  Stinky Cards

Cost: £3.20 for the album and £1 for each pack of cards.

Contents:

• The album has slots to display a complete collection of 60 Stinky Cards. There's all a tick list to keep track of which you have.
• Each booster pack of cards contains 4 'normal' cards with details of something smelly and one of the 12 'rare' scratch'n'sniff cards.

Gameplay: It's a cross between Panini football stickers and Top Trumps. Children can simply trade with each other in order to complete their collection or pit their cards against each other.

Each card has ratings for 'Funny', 'Joker' and 'Stinky'. One player chooses a rating category and the player with highest value in that rating on their top card wins the round and the cards. They put the cards at the bottom of their deck and choose a rating from their new top card. This continues until one player has all the cards or a fight breaks out.



Object: To have all the cards and/or freak friends (and relatives) with stinkiness.

Game length: A few minutes.

Number of players: 2+.

Age: Anyone can play but there's a good chance that only seven-year-old boys will want to...

Comments: Scratch'n'sniff technology has moved on since my day. When I was a kid, a concerted scratch would result in a vague whiff of strawberries if you were lucky. (Well, strawberry flavouring anyway.)

Based on this experience, I gave the garlic Stinky Card a good going over with my fingernail, put it next to my nose and inhaled deeply.

Then I nearly passed out.

Make no mistake, these are stinky - so much so that even my two boys became wary of them pretty quickly. Sadly, I didn't learn quite so fast. Sprog2 (aged 7) shoved one under my nose and said, "Smell this, Daddy!" I inhaled instinctively. It was the garlic again.

If I'd been a vampire, I'd have crumbled on the spot but, as it was, it took me several hours to get the taste out of the back of my mouth. I avoided pasta sauce for a couple of days...

The game itself isn't as good as Top Trumps, due to the small number of ratings. There's also the issue that if two kids face-off using their own collections, one of them could lose the lot. Even if they agree not to play for keeps, the collections are going to get shuffled together, so sorting them out at the end is liable to lead to arguments.

Still, the collection element does produce a desire to catch 'em all which is as strong as ever with stuff of this sort. Seven-year-old boys can also earn some playground kudos from the grossness factor.

A word of warning, though. If your kids get a whole load all at once, don't let them sort through them on the lounge carpet unless you have some Febreze handy...



Conclusion: Panini, Top Trumps and an unpleasant odour. The perfect gift for your boys nephews.

Pros:

• Gross.
• Stinky.

Cons:

• Gross.
• Stinky.
• Actual game isn't that great.
• May put you off Italian food.

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  Pentago

Cost: £18.

Contents:

• 36 marbles - 18 white, 18 black.
• Game board featuring a 6x6 grid of sockets for the marbles. Each 3x3 corner of the board can be rotated independently.

Gameplay: The first player places a marble on the board and then rotates one of the four sections 90 degrees. (The rotation can be in either direction and doesn't have to be on the section where the marble was just put down.)

The other player does the same. They then continue to take turns until the board is full or one of them gets five in a row (before or after a rotation).



Object: To be the first player to get five marbles of their colour in a row. (If both players get five in a row at the same time or the board is filled without a row being formed, then the game is a draw.)

Game length: A few minutes. It depends how good the players are and how long they spend staring at the board in mental anguish before each turn.

Number of players: 2.

Age: 8+. The rules are easy to learn but being successful against an even vaguely competent opponent is another matter - young players are going to struggle. (Goodness knows, most adults are going to struggle...)

Comments: Playing Noughts and Crosses with children can be hard work. It's a simple concept which requires only a scrap of paper and a pen but the parenting questions involved are tricky. Do you let them win sometimes or beat them mercilessly until they figure out the awful truth like the supercomputer in WarGames? The second option will probably take rather a long time and involve whining. The first option will just encourage them to want to play some more until you start wishing for global thermonuclear war and go for Option 2 anyway.

The alternative is to try Pentago. It's essentially Noughts and Crosses with far more variables. The simple goal is there but it's much harder to keep track of possibilities and strategies. Even though a draw should theoretically still always result, this doesn't often happen. It's too easy to miss a cunning turn or unexpected line. This being the case, games between experienced players are head-scratching duels. Throwing a game to stop a five-year-old whining, meanwhile, doesn't feel like causing them to miss out on an important lesson on the nature of futility (and the importance of nuclear disarmament).

The only downside is that games take three or four turns to get going and then can end depressingly quickly after that if one player slips up. You'll have to get the family playing a tournament if you want to fill up more than a few minutes.

The board itself is very sturdy and the marbles are pleasantly weighty and shiny. The cardboard box is excessively large, however.

Conclusion: Fun to mess about with. Scarily harder than it looks to play well.

Pros:

• Simple concept.The joy of Noughts and Crosses without the frustration.Requires strategy, thought and spacial visualisation.Quality components.

Cons:

• Marbles are always easy to lose.Will make your head hurt.Could cause Armageddon if given to a supercomputer.

Rating: 4/5.

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  Mouse Trap! (again)

Cost: £15 (plus medical expenses).

Contents:

• Game board.
• 4 plastic mice. (Red, green, yellow and blue.)
• 32 plastic cheese wedges. (8 of each colour.)
• 3 ball bearings.
• 1 6-sided dice.
• 2 rubber bands. (Both required.)
• An enormous assortment of cardboard and plastic pieces to assemble into traps.

Gameplay: An adult reads the assembly instructions in an increasingly bemused fashion as children jump around the room asking questions and offering advice. The adult starts putting stuff together. The children commence wrestling and knock everything over. Shouting ensues.

If it is the first time the game has been played, bedtime may arrive before play progresses any further.

Once the board is complete (with three traps and a flushing toilet in the centre to release the balls), the playing pieces are lined up in front of the sweeping broom trap. This is then set off and the player whose piece is launched furthest across the room goes first.

Players take it in turns to roll the dice and move the indicated number of spaces. Landing on a trap space is rewarded with two pieces of cheese but requires the toilet to be flushed, setting off one of the three traps at random. Mice that are caught lose a piece of cheese and then the trap is reset.

There are a few special spaces but the branching pathways on the board mean that only the 'Go to next trap' ones see much use.



Object: To be the first to collect eight pieces of cheese.

Game length: 10-30 minutes, depending on the number of players and how lucky they are. (Don't forget to add set-up time.)

Number of players: 2-4.

Age: 6+ but a four-year-old can easily play with adult supervision. Even ten-year-olds may need adult help with setting-up.

Comments: We had to give the kids extra coaching on being grateful this Christmas. Sproglette kept stamping her foot and throwing a tantrum if she opened a parcel and found something she didn't like. Even if she did like what she got, she kept demanding more. Sprog1 did much better - he was polite and enthusiastic about whatever he got... before discussing at length whether it was identical to the version he already had. Sprog2 opened stuff, shrugged and wandered off.

We really had to work on their thank-yous, fixed grins and innocent enquiries about receipts.

Of course, when Sprog2 unwrapped Mouse Trap!, they were all genuinely pleased. It was me who had to maintain a forced expression of delight.

You see, they already have an older version of Mouse Trap!. It's dull, fiddly, infuriating, tedious and one of Sproglette's favourite games. As such, it will be amongst the first things I take to Oxfam as soon as the kids leave home. Honestly, I'd much rather do the washing-up than play it.

I wasn't exactly thrilled to get a new set that's so different from the original we've ended up keeping both of them. I haven't had to play them one after the other yet but I'm sure it's only a matter of time...

The new version is at least a lot more fun to play than the original. The traps are functional right from the start and each player gets a few shots of setting them off. This is a major improvement. There's also a little bit of strategy involved in choosing which way to go when the path round the board splits.

Unfortunately, a whole new load of problems have been introduced:

Setting the game up for the first time takes forever and is definitely a night-before job. Even on subsequent assemblies, it's still a significant task. Allow a minimum of five minutes and make it ten if you've got 'help'.


How does this go back together again?

The rules are fairly long and unnecessarily complicated for something that's in reality little more sophisticated than Snakes and Ladders. (Allow another five minutes for looking over them.) Various spaces send mice backwards or forwards, with or without setting off the traps or gaining cheese. It's also possible to obtain a spanner to briefly clog up one trap but it's usually not worth taking a detour to collect. The most effective tactic is nearly always to avoid the additions and head straight for the traps.


One side of the instruction sheet.

On a more basic level, the playing pieces fall over all the time, the broom isn't wide enough to launch all four of them at the start and the cage trap is (amazingly) more fiddly to set than in the original.

The biggest issue, however, is that it's very hard to see where you're going. The traps are so large and solid, choosing a path requires constant peering and bending and bobbing about in an effort to see the path. Since a lack of spaces means a roll of six can lead to a trip halfway around the board, almost every shot is a spine-twisting contortion. Mouse Trap! is the first board game to give me a bad back.

Conclusion: More fun to play than the old version but the overall experience isn't much better.

Pros:

• Everyone gets a shot at setting off the traps.
• Fast-paced (once you get started).
• Looks great.

Cons:

• Lengthy, complicated set-up.
• Involves regular, fiddly resetting of traps.
• Rules need stream-lined.
• Actually painful to play.

Rating: 2/5.

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  Buckaroo!

Cost: £13.

Contents:

• One bucking mule with base and blanket.
• 12 assorted plastic items of cowboy equipment/baggage.

Gameplay: The first player puts the saddle on the mule and then the next player attempts to hang or place an item of baggage on the saddle. Play continues round in a circle with players taking turns to load further items onto the mule. Anyone dropping an item, knocking one off or causing the mule to buck is out of the game.

Object: To place the final object on the mule without making him buck or to be the last player still in the game.

Game length: Often under a minute.

Number of players: 2-4.

Age: 4+.



Comments: When I was a kid, I had a Jaws game which involved fishing pieces of junk out of the spring-loaded mouth of a model shark using a crochet hook. The weight of the junk was the only thing which kept the mouth open and so the shark was bound to bite eventually. The trick was in knowing when to take a large item and leave everyone else in the lurch, and when to play it safe and take the smallest object going. The game was tense, fun and always ended with someone getting their fingers snapped at.

And yet...

Jaws was clearly inspired by Buckaroo!. Buckaroo! was the game everyone knew about, that had the TV ads and that flung stuff across the room. In short, it was the game the cool kids had. As a result, I felt somewhat short-changed.

That said, I never played Buckaroo! as a kid and I had no idea what it was really like. As it turns out, I had the better game all along...

This new version of Buckaroo! has three sensitivity settings for the mule but it's pretty hard to make the thing buck even on the twitchiest option. In contrast, hanging multiple items off the saddle is pretty awkward. Players are vastly more likely to be out through having something slip off as they put it on than through the mule bucking. This is something of an anti-climax.

After a little practice, older children will have little difficulty piling on all the items, making the winner dependent on when the objects are depleted. In a two-player game, if no one is knocked out, the person who goes second will always win. Bearing this in mind, it's crazy that the rules specifically state that the youngest player is supposed to go first - it puts them at a huge disadvantage. (And that's before taking into account that placing the saddle correctly is the hardest part of the game.)

Things can be improved slightly by changing the rules so that each player starts with a share of the objects to load and gets to add anything they drop to their pile. The winner is the first person to get rid of all their stuff. The lack of bucking means the game still isn't that fun, though.

You'd be much better off with the very similar Bounce Bounce Tigger Game. Personally, I'm off to search my parents' loft for Jaws.

Conclusion: Unsatisfying and very short.

Pros:

• Bright and colourful.
• Simple.
• Short set-up time.
• It's probably still what all the cool kids have.

Cons:

• Doesn't really work.
• The rules haven't been thought through.
• Won't keep anyone occupied for more than ten minutes.
• Might make playing Mouse Trap seem like a fun alternative.

Rating: 2/5.

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  Barnyard Bingo

Cost: £10-£15.

Contents:

• Upright 'barn' dispenser with a hole at the top and a gate at the side. The discs are loaded into the hole. Each time the gate is opened, one disc comes out.


• 12 discs in 4 colour-coded sets of three animals.


• One plastic bingo card for each colour. (Blue, red, yellow and green.)


• Plastic storage case/board.

Gameplay: There are three variants to the game. In each one, players take turns to open the gate and release a disc.

• Colour bingo - If the disc is the player's colour, they put it on their bingo card. If not, they put it back in the top of the dispenser. The winner is the first player to get all three discs of their colour.


• Barnyard bingo - Players need to collect discs of any colour to complete a set of the three animals on their card.


• Barnyard race - The bingo cards are ignored. Players choose a disc as a playing piece and put it on the grid on the inside surface of the storage case. Each player must choose a disc showing a different type of animal. When a disc is removed from the dispenser, the animal shown moves forward one space on the grid and the disc is returned to the dispenser. The player whose piece reaches the end of the grid first is the winner.

Object: Who cares? This is all about posting things into the top of a machine and then pulling a lever to have them come out the bottom with a 'Sproing!' noise.



Game length: Under five minutes.

Number of players: 2-4.

Age: 3+. Younger children could join in as long as someone makes sure they don't try and snack on the discs. Children over five aren't going to stay interested for long.

Comments: This was one of the surprise hits of Sproglette's third birthday and I might well have bought it for every toddler I knew if I'd been able to find it on sale anywhere. As so often seems to be the case with decent stuff, however, it was immediately ousted from shelves by all kinds of games that don't really work and toys packed with rubber aliens and slime. Looks like it's been re-released, though, or someone's found a stack of the things at the back of a warehouse. (At time of writing, Tesco direct have it in stock.)



Small children like animals, posting things, pulling levers, funny noises, surprises and brightly-coloured pastic. In a stroke of genius, Barnyard Bingo has all these things. The game itself is almost superfluous. This is probably for the best, since it's hard to get kids to follow the rules anyway. They always want to match both colour AND animal at the same time. There's also no skill to winning and the whole thing can be over in a couple of minutes. Nope, the fun is in posting animals and then pulling a brightly-coloured plastic lever to make a funny noise and see what appears.

This can literally go on for hours.

Fortunately, unlike with games involving dice, you won't end up doing most of the work counting out movement or spending your whole time reminding children to take their turn. They'll happily get on with it themselves. Even better, they'll be more than willing to take your turn for you, allowing you to grunt gentle encouragement as you lie on the sofa, resting your eyes.

The rattling and sproing!ing can get tiresome after a while but it's nowhere near as loud as Hungry Hippos.

Conclusion: Very useful for entertaining a pre-schooler with minimal effort on a rainy afternoon.

Pros:

• Posting, a lever, animals, a funny noise, surprises AND bright colours.


• Simple.


• As much a toy as a game.


• Can keep small children fascinated for ages.


• Seems to encourage invention and experimentation in a way that so many 'specially designed' educational toys just don't.


• Sturdy storage case.

Cons:

• Actual game isn't that interesting.


• Pictures on the outside of the box are wrapped round rather than attached, so come off the first time the game is opened.


• Lever wouldn't survive being sat on.


• Sproing! Rattle, rattle. Sproing! Rattle. Sproing! Rattle, rattle, rattle...

Rating: 4/5.

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  Bop It Extreme 2

Cost: £25.

Players: 1 or more.

Age: 8+. Children younger than this can play with it but they don't have much chance of getting far with an actual game.

Game length: Usually under a minute.

Gameplay: The Bop It device issues commands and the player(s) must obey them quickly or be eliminated. Available commands are twist it, pull it, spin it, flick it and bop it. These refer to specific levers and buttons on the device which have to be activated in the stated way.

Different game modes cater for different numbers of players. Solo players can compete for a high score. Two players can play simultaneously, both holding the Bop It at once and taking control of opposite levers. Two or more players can play a passing game where the Bop It demands to be handed to the next person in the circle at random intervals.

The Bop It can be set to issue sound effects rather than voice commands to add extra difficulty.

It has to be said, though, extra difficulty is unlikely to be what you need...



Object: To survive a few games without throwing the Bop It against a wall in frustration and then stamping up and down on the pieces.

Comments: This looks like some arcane torture device redesigned for an age of bright lights and colourful plastic...

...because it is.

It's noisy, frustrating and actually tells you when you're being a bit rubbish. In my case, this is pretty close to all the time because I can't seem to get a score much above 10. Often, I don't even get that. My boys (aged 7 and 9) aren't any better and my daughter (aged 5) loves the look of the thing but doesn't have a hope. Whenever she plays with it, it spends most of the time criticising her.

Multiplayer games tend to be over almost instantly.

If you really want, you can hook it up to a stereo but you're more likely to appreciate the low volume setting. If someone else is playing solo, you can insist they wear headphones.

There's a certain novelty value to the game but it doesn't last long. If the kids are really desperate for it, consider the new Bop It instead - it's supposed to be much easier. Oh, and they can shout at it...

Conclusion: Might be fun if you have coordination and fast reflexes. Like Double P.E. if you don't.

Rating: 2/5.

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  Doh Nutters

Cost: £18.

Contents:

• 4 elephant masks with adjustable straps.
• 12 plastic doughnuts in four different colours.
• Playing board.

Gameplay: Players each wear a mask, bend over the board and then simultaneously race to pick up the doughnuts of their colour using only their trunk.



Object: The first person to get all three doughnuts on their trunk at the same time is the winner.

Game length: Potentially forever unless someone cheats. (Sober adults can win in under thirty seconds, however.)

Number of players: 2-4.

Age: 4+ officially but no one under eight will be able to win and no one over seven will want to play (unless they're a lot over seven and drunk).

Comments: I quite frequently decide to write a brilliant and witty review recommending a fantastic toy or game, only to discover the thing isn't made anymore. Did you know the Dungeons and Dragons board game is actually pretty excellent, for instance? So is Pokémon Yahtzee Jr. Better than that, Duplo did a wonderful train set about ten years ago. Oh and, believe it or not, the Cinderella Glass Slipper Game is surprisingly not awful. Good luck finding any of them outside eBay, though - thanks to changing fads and low marketing budgets, decent products fall by the wayside all the time.

Conversely, I'm occasionally stunned to discover absolute tat still going strong. Whoever is buying the Golden Coin Maker please stop. Even some of the classics, like Monopoly and Mouse Trap, aren't much fun. Still, when I saw a TV advert for Doh Nutters the other day, I couldn't quite believe it.

It's dreadful. The production moulds should have been destroyed years ago.

For a start, the masks are uncomfortable. Children are forever taking them off and then wanting help putting them back on again. Not that there's much point - it's almost impossible for an under-five to pick up one ring, let alone a second one without the first one falling off again.

Nonetheless, young children tend to imagine the game is going to be loads of fun. On seeing the box, they will cry in frustration if they don't get to play. Unfortunately, if they do get to play, they'll cry in frustration because they can't manage it. This is something of a lose-lose situation. Children old enough to have any chance of success, meanwhile, won't be too thrilled at the prospect of looking like a comedy elephant.

After five minutes, the only one left still wearing a mask will be you as you're forced to perform tricks with plastic doughnuts for the amusement/embarrassment of your assembled offspring and their friends. They probably won't even give you peanuts.

Conclusion: Avoid if humanly possible. Its continued production is astonishing.

Pros:

• Looks like it should be fun.
• Might actually be fun (briefly) if you're drunk and a student.
• The masks ensure that everyone has a certain level of eye protection.

Cons:

• Too tricky for young children.
• Can't be played while wearing glasses.
• Bound to eventually involve you kneeling on the floor, disguised as an elephant and quietly swearing to yourself.
• Will all end in tears.

Rating: 1/5.

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  Fantasy Hobby Horse

Cost: £5.

Description: What every little princess needs - a unicorn on a stick! Yes, it's a hobby horse with a pink, sparkly head and a small horn. As an added bonus, squeezing its ear produces a lengthy galloping noise and some neighing. The entire monstrosity is approximately 85cm from the tip of the horn to the end of the pole.

Comments: They had a whole tub of these at our local Instore and Sproglette fell in love instantly. She had one picked out and named before I'd even realised what they were. There was no choice but to buy it in preparation for her birthday and then walk home with a fixed grin on my face and a decapitated unicorn sticking out of the top of my backpack. I had to pretend I was off to put the frighteners on Fairytale Barbie...

There's a slight wonkiness to the way the head is attached to the pole but the general quality of the construction is surprisingly good. The short reins are sturdily attached and the stitching is decent. The battery compartment can be reached via a Velcro-sealed opening, allowing the two AA batteries to be easily replaced. (The compartment itself requires a screwdriver to open.) The pole is strong but is covered with material and has enough flexibility to ensure it can't be used as a serious weapon. As a test, I bashed myself over the head with it a couple of times and barely felt a thing. (That said, the neighbours now think I'm a bit crazy.)


DS for scale.

All in all, the 'horse' is frightening to behold unless you're female and under seven. Sproglette is immensely pleased with it, though.

Conclusion: A little girl's dream (that may give others strangely fuchsia nightmares).

Pros:

• The perfect steed for a small girl with princess delusions.


• Replaceable batteries.


• Not dangerously long and solid.

Cons:

• Loud.


• Pink.


• Surface wash only.


• Can be used for martial arts.


• Everyone you describe it to will ask if it has a wheel and seem disappointed when they find out it doesn't.

Rating: 4/5.

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  Waybuloo magazine

Cost: £2.35 per issue.

Contents:

• 28 page magazine designed to 'help your child learn about feelings and understand emotions'.


• Pull-out reward chart.


• Over 100 stickers - some to use in the magazine, some for the reward chart and plenty of spares.


• A 'free' gift. Past gifts include finger puppets and stampers.


• Good vibes and positive energy.

Age: 2-5 years. Activities don't get much more taxing than sticking stickers and/or colouring in.



Comments: Then Nok Tok had a thinkapow. He asked Yojojo to play his music, Lau Lau to give the plant a bongleberry, and then everybody danced. The happy plant grew and flowered. "Nok Tok's happy plant likes music, bongleberries and Cheebies!" said Nok Tok, happily. The happy plant was very happy too... Waybuloo!

Someone at the BBC has clearly tapped directly into my daughter's brain. I haven't had a look in there myself but I'm fairly sure I would find flowers and butterflies and cute, pink, floating, Yoga-loving cats inside if I took a peek. Personally, I think I'd have preferred it if they'd stayed there. But no. They've been sucked right out and turned into a show with a heavy emphasis on wind chimes and the breathless admiration of brightly-coloured gardening equipment.

Oh, goodness...

The magazine is very true to the TV programme, just with added stickers. Many of the stickers say stuff like 'You make me happy' and 'You're lovely'. Each issue has a topic such as sharing or learning to listen to others. I suppose this is a good idea but it's a shock to the system after all the books and games which have tried to teach my kids to read and count. In fact, I feel a little unwell. I think I may be allergic to this magazine.


Warning: May cause nausea.

In the story quoted above, Nok Tok's plant fails to grow because he refuses to listen to his friends' advice. He foolishly persists in giving it food, water and sunshine rather than playing it music and getting children to talk to it. Things almost go very badly until he learns the error of his ways... This is so many different kinds of wrong, I'm not sure where to begin. Even Sproglette (who wants to be a mermaid fairy princess when she grows up) found some of the details hard to swallow. No harm done, though - when I suggested she share her finger puppets with Sprog2, it took me three attempts to get her to listen and then she refused. She can't be taking it too much to heart.

At least the activities are well judged for young children. There's no writing or word searches or anything like that. The production quality of the magazine and stickers is also very high. If I can persuade Sproglette to go for Numberjacks again next time, however, I might be able to cope better. Still, I suspect those parents with a more artistic nature will love Waybuloo. And I should simply be thankful it's not Pink.

Conclusion: Want to set your little darling on course for an English Literature degree? Then this is the magazine for you.

Pros:

• Good mix of activities and stories.


• Lots of material on every page.


• Deals sensibly with emotional and social issues at a level pre-schoolers can understand.


• Ideal if you live in Stepford.


• Not as twee as Disney's Princess magazine...

Cons:

• ...but contains far fewer pictures of Belle and Ariel.


• Slightly too much colouring in.


• So fluffy it needs to be held down with a brick to stop it floating away.

Rating: 4/5.

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  Coppit

Cost: £6.

Contents:

• Game board.
• 24 conical playing pieces in six different colours.
• A six-sided dice.

Gameplay: Players take it in turns to roll the dice and move one of their four 'caps' in any available direction. Rolling a six brings an extra go. Blue squares and home bases are safe but caps on yellow spaces are open to capture by being landed on. It's possible to build up a stack of captured pieces under a single cap but a player capturing a stack containing some of their own pieces can release them. Enemy pieces returned to a player's home base are out of the game permanently.



Object: To be the last player with an uncaptured playing piece.

Number of players: 2-6.

Game length: Around half an hour.

Age: 6+. Younger children can play but will lose quickly unless given lots of advice.

Comments: I have fond memories of this from childhood and couldn't resist buying it the moment I saw it, hoping to re-live the joys of piling up a huge stack of captive cones, laughing evilly and then using them all as fake fingernails.

For once, my nostalgia wasn't entirely the result of pink-hued ocular enhancers. Coppit is a simple game that's somewhat reminiscent of Ludo but without the frustration and involving a fair bit more strategy. Since it's possible to have four pieces in play at once and each piece can have several movement options, there's plenty of room for tactical thinking. Six-player games are chaos.

Defensive play tends to be the most effective, so games can occasionally devolve into drawn out sessions of cat-and-mouse. The only real issue, though, is that it's possible for fool-hardy or unlucky players to be knocked out comparatively early in the game, leading to children stomping off in a huff. The trick is to turn this to your advantage - if you're cunning, you can engineer a hasty defeat for yourself and then slope off to read a book for twenty minutes while the kids cautiously keep to opposite sides of the board.

Conclusion: Ludo made fun (and slightly vindictive).

Pros:

• Simple enough for small children to play but complex enough to keep adults on their toes.
• Cheap.
• Capturing opposing pieces is always satisfying.
• Doubles as a fantastic set of gaudy fingernails.

Cons:

• The most boring tactics can be the most successful.
• May not keep all the children occupied for as long as you hope.

Rating: 4/5.

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  Gogo's Crazy Bones

Cost: £1 for a small packet.

Contents:

• 3 ugly, little plastic creature-things.


• 3 stickers of different little plastic creature-things (also ugly).


• A sticker album can be bought separately for under £5. Be aware, though, that there are different generations of Gogo's, so make sure you get the right one.

Gameplay: Gogo's are the modern alternative to Panini football stickers. Children wander round with an enormous stack, trading them in a vain attempt to complete the full set. As a bonus, they can also play a number of games with the Gogo's:

• Traditional - Throw 5 in the air and score points according to which way up they all land.


• On Line - Throw Gogo's at a line and see who gets closest.


• Bowling - Throw Gogo's at a group of other Gogo's to see who knocks over the most.


• Battle - Stand Gogo's in opposing lines and take turns to flick extra Gogo's at each other's line in an effort to knock it over.


• The Bomb - Draw a circle and put Gogo's inside. Stand back and take it in turns to knock each other's Gogo's out of the circle by throwing more Gogo's.


• Airbone - Throw a Gogo up in the air and try to pick up as many other Gogo's as possible before catching the first one.


• Basket - Try to bounce Gogo's into a box.

The full rules aren't hugely clear but, for added bickering, players can play for keeps. Maybe Gogo's are really a cross between Panini stickers, marbles and the dullest toys to be found in Kinder eggs.



Object: To amass an album full of stickers to impress friends, and a bucket full of plastic creatures to spread over the lounge floor in an attempt injure unsuspecting parents who happen to wander in without shoes on.

Game length: A few minutes (proceeded by half an hour of comparing collections and followed by several days of squabbling over whose Gogo's are really whose).

Number of players: 2 or more.

Age: 3+.

Comments: My right index-finger has started feeling sore underneath the nail just from thinking about Gogo's. I played the Battle variant of the game with Sprog1 a couple of weeks ago and, quite frankly, it was painful. Flicking oddly-shaped lumps of plastic with enough force to result in any hope of them travelling in a straight line quickly became a form of torture. I had to keep swapping fingers. Finally losing was merciful release.

Apart from that, Gogo's aren't so bad but I can't entirely see the point of them. It's like playing Marbles with plastic cubes. Sure, they bounce a bit and don't roll away, but they're fundamentally not suited to the task in hand. Even the 'Traditional' variant is unsatisfactory because some of the Gogo's are so oddly-shaped, it's hard to tell which way up they are.

Nonetheless, all three of my children are now deeply proud of their bucket of Gogo's and regularly sort and inspect them. Go figure. My main consolation is that the packets aren't £2 each.


Pound coin for scale. (Also bear in mind that this was the least ugly Gogo I could find.)

Conclusion: Mostly harmless.

Pros:

• Relatively cheap to get started.


• Encourages kids to make up their own games.


• Enhances bartering and negotiation skills.


• Can be played outside.


• Doesn't involve a TV screen... yet. (Expect a Gogo's simulator on Wii any day.)

Cons:

• A black hole for pocket money.


• Can be easily lost or stolen in the playground.


• Should come with fingernail protectors.


• Annoying apostrophe.

Rating: 3/5.

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  Labyrinth board game

Cost: £15.

Contents:

• Game board with 16 fixed maze tiles.
• 34 maze tiles. (One more than fits on the board.)
• 24 treasure cards.
• 4 small plastic figures to use as playing pieces.

Gameplay: The treasure cards are divided face down between the players. The maze tiles are laid out on the board. Without showing each other, the players look at the treasure card on top of their piles.

On their turn, players must take the maze tile which is currently 'spare' and insert it at the edge of the board so that an entire row of tiles shifts along one space and a different tile slides out the other side. They can then move their playing piece along any open pathway. If they reach the treasure depicted on their card, they can discard the card and take the next one. This becomes their target on their next go.

Tiles cannot be pushed back in where they've just been pushed out. (It's best to insist players leave the tile where it is next to the board until they know exactly what they're going to do with it, so they don't forget where it came from.) If a playing piece is on a tile that's pushed off the board, then the piece is placed on the opposite side of the board on top of the tile which has just been inserted.



Object: To be the first player to discard all their cards and return to their starting tile.

Game length: 20-30 minutes.

Number of players: 2-4.

Age: 7+. This seems about right. Players younger than this will struggle with the game's puzzle element.

Comments: Labyrinth is a very deceptive game. Sometimes it can seem trivially easy as a lucky run of cards brings a succession of treasures close at hand. Then you turn over the princess card and discover she's surrounded by a whole host of corner tiles that are facing the wrong way. Gah! The result can be five turns taking a devious route round the board followed by purposefully shoving yourself off the side. Then again, perhaps there is still an easy way and just another couple of minutes staring at the board without blinking will reveal it...

Labyrinth is one of those rare games which is both fun and challenging for the whole family. The rules can be explained in a couple of minute but figuring out the next move can take as much brain power as each player has to give.

At some point, Labyrinth is liable to make your head hurt but in a good way. It's very satisfying spotting a cunning move which will link up two spaces half the board apart. That said, it's usually possible to find a simple route that only takes an extra move or two, so even younger players can win if they're lucky.

My only complaint is that there isn't much direct interaction between players. Without knowing where opponents are headed, it's extremely hard to mess things up for them on purpose. This means less competition and strategy than there could be. On the other hand, though, the potential for older players to gain an advantage through vindictiveness is reduced.

Overall, the way that the game produces such entertaining puzzling from such a small set of rules is a triumph.

Conclusion: Superb.

Pros:

• Quick and addictive.
• Simple and yet complex.
• Really very good.

Cons:

• Can slow to snail pace if everyone starts thinking too hard.
• Interaction between players is limited.
• Planning even a move ahead is more luck than judgement. Trying to come up with a strategy beyond that is next to impossible.
• May, on occasion, make nine-year-olds look smarter than you.

Rating: 5/5.

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  Pink Magazine

Cost: £2 per issue. (New issues come out every three weeks or so.)

Contents:

• A 36-page magazine, about 3 pages of which are adverts and 3 are simply pictures.
• 'Free gifts'. The copy I was forced to buy had a sheet of stickers and a lip gloss case in the shape of a mobile phone.

Age: The target age is 3-9 years. Half the puzzles are things like word searches which are beyond most four-year-olds, however, while others involve merely counting to five. A 4-6 age range is more realistic.


The phone-shaped make-up case... and some cute kittens.

Comments: Never trust a magazine with a picture of a cute kitten on the front which has a speech bubble reading, 'I love Pink!' - the contents are unlikely to be good for your brain. Unfortunately, Sproglette saw it and loved it. A magazine 'For little girls who love PINK' really could have been designed specifically for her.

But, yes, it is pretty awful...



Although there aren't many pages dedicated to advertising, it's hard to know sometimes where the features end and the ads begin. Much of the magazine seems to be blatant plugs for books, TV shows and merchandising. There are only two proper stories and the rest is short puzzles, colouring in and stuff to cut out. Some of the stuff to cut out is back-to-back with features.

The stickers kept ripping when Sproglette removed them from the backing. They're also not the kind that can be peeled off and used again. Since they weren't related to the contents of the magazine itself, she stuck them straight onto the front cover:



The lip gloss case is quite attractive but the gunk itself is too thick to spread with the brush provided and I'm less than thrilled with the thought of it going near my daughter's mouth. Happily, it's nearly invisible once applied, so she tired of it quickly.

The most entertaining part of the magazine is showing it to other parents in the playground at school. Those with young girls nod sympathetically; those with only boys gape in astonishment and fear...

Conclusion: Numberjacks Magazine would be best but, quite honestly, I'd rather buy Disney's Princess than this.

Pros:

• Pinkness, princesses and cute, furry creatures - the stuff of little girls' dreams.

Cons:

• Tiresome puzzles, dodgy make-up and cheap stickers - the stuff of housedad nightmares.
• Sponsored articles.
• Low production values.
• Activities require wildly varying ability.
• Even the cute cats look fed up.
• Many young girls won't care about these problems and will grab the latest issue from the rack every time you go to Tesco.
• Scarily, scarily pink.

Rating: 2/5.

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  Heroscape Master Set - Rise of the Valkyrie

Cost: £30.

Contents:

• 30 painted plastic figures.
• Lots and lots of interlocking board tiles of various shapes and colours.
• 16 army cards listing the stats and abilities of the different units.
• A stack of counters.
• 16 order markers.
• 12 6-sided battle dice. (3 sides have skulls, 2 shields and 1 is blank.)
• 1 20-sided dice.

Gameplay: The three-dimensional board of hexagonal spaces is put together from layers of tiles (according to one of the included maps) and then players pit their armies against each other.



Basic game: The armies and their starting locations are predetermined. Players take it in turns to move one of their units. Some units consist of a single hero; others contain a squad of several lesser warriors. All warriors in a squad can move and attack independently when their unit is selected. The movement allowance, range, number of attack dice and number of defence dice of each unit is listed on its army card. Warriors can attack enemies that are within range and that aren't hidden behind terrain or other figures. In combat, if the attacking player rolls more skulls than the defending player rolls shields, then the defending warrior is removed from the board. If one warrior is higher than another on the board, they roll an extra dice in combat.

Master game: Players take it in turns to spend points from a set total on units to create an army. These units are then positioned on the board within predetermined deployment areas. Each round, players choose which three units they're going to use and the order they're going to use them by placing order markers (labelled 1, 2, 3 and X) on the corresponding army cards and a decoy card. The same unit can be selected more than once in a round and opposing players cannot see the numbers on the order markers. At the start of every round, players roll the 20-sided dice to see who gets to move and attack first with their '1' unit. Then play moves round the board with players taking it in turns to use their '1' units. After that, the first player uses their '2' unit, and so on.

In the master game, warriors have life points. Rather than being knocked out immediately by a successful attack, they may only be wounded. (The damage done is equal to the number of skulls rolled by the attacker minus the number of shields rolled by the defender.) All the units also have their own special skills and there are various extra rules on such things as trying to move past enemies.


The dragon is about the size of an original DS.

Object: Each battle has its own victory conditions, such as destroying the opposing army or capturing a particular space.

Game length: Playing the game usually takes between 30 minutes and an hour. Setting up the board can take an extra twenty minutes, however, and choosing armies can easily take a quarter of an hour or more (especially when people are first learning the game and need to read the army cards carefully).

Number of players: 2-4.

Age: 8+. This seems about right, although children under ten are going to need plenty of help from an adult during the first few games. Sprog1 (nearly 9) picked things up quickly, while Sprog2 (almost 7) needed much more coaching on tactics and struggled to read the instructions for the special abilities on the army cards. After a few shots, they got the hang of it enough to play together with only the occasional rule clarification from me.

Comments: I picked this game up very cheap in a clearance sale about eighteen months ago, hoping one day to persuade the boys to play it. A couple of weeks ago, that day finally arrived and now I wish I'd bought two copies. It's a fantastic introduction to wargaming with plenty of decent figures and a well-designed board which does away with the need for faffing with tape measures.

The relatively simple main rules bring some basic strategy to proceedings, while the special abilities make things interesting. Since the instructions for these abilities are on the cards and only relevant when those units are involved in the action, they add variation without overcomplicating matters.

Once the board is set up and the armies have been chosen, battles get moving rapidly. Only being able to use three units a round isn't very realistic but it ensures that a player with any figures left on the board is still in with a chance. Results are often excitingly close.

There aren't that many scenarios supplied with the game but there are both official ones and fan creations available to download. Even without them, army selection means every game is different anyway.

The 3D board slots together easily and really enhances the look of the game and the gameplay itself. The paintwork on the figures doesn't stand up to close scrutiny but is more than adequate during an actual game. The only real complaint with the production values is that it's impossible to get all the pieces back into the box again for storage.

Sadly, the biggest issue with Heroscape is trying to locate it. This set it very hard to find in the UK these days. There is a second Master Set out in the States, though. There's also a Marvel superhero themed version. If you do find a Rise of the Valkyrie set mouldering away at the back of your local toy shop, however, snap it up instantly. (Or even better, persuade the kids to blow their pocket money on it...)

Conclusion: It's not exactly Warhammer 40,000 but Heroscape comes ready to play and is an attractive, entertaining and accessible introductory wargame.

Pros:

• Everything you need to try out tabletop wargaming.
• Easy to grasp rules.
• Good mix of strategy and luck.
• There's seldom a lengthy period where it's obvious who's going to win.
• Looks great.

Cons:

• Requires quite a large area to play.
• The board takes a while to put together so you'll probably want to leave it out. (It's pretty big.)
• Doesn't fit back in the box.
• This set is now difficult to find.
• If you're playing on the floor, the kids are likely to leave the figures lying around in ideal locations for siblings to trample, passing pets to eat or for themselves to sit on.

Rating: 5/5.

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  Geomag, Magnetix and similar stuff

Cost: Somewhere between a few pounds and the expense of replacing the most valuable gadget in your house.

Contents:

• Magnetic, plastic covered, metal rods.
• Steel balls.
• Some sets also include plastic panels.

Gameplay: Discover the joys of magnetism! Connect the rods and balls together to create shapes and models in which the joints rotate freely. Make geometric designs and scientific-looking structures. Build whatever you like... and then run out of bits before it's entirely recognisable. Pretend the experience is educational.

Age: 3+. Officially this is to ensure that children don't eat the pieces. You'll want to make sure they're also old enough to understand not to rub them against the TV, post them in the DVD player or put them within three feet of any memory cards... on pain of death.

Comments: These always look great fun in the TV adverts but magnets and electronics don't mix well so I've never been that keen on letting Geomag (or any of the knock-offs) into my house. Nonetheless, the kids were given a couple of sets so I had to face my fears.

There's no harm in being cautious, though:

I insisted the stuff was only played with in Sproglette's bedroom (which contains very few gadgets). Even then, it had to be kept in the middle of the carpet - just to make sure no pieces went missing, only to be discovered three weeks later wiping the hard-drive of my laptop. Sitting there, with empty carpet all around us, I thought I was safe until I realised that my bank cards and phone were in my pocket...

And I was this paranoid before I learnt that one of Sprog1's friends managed to write-off a telly with some Geomag when she was younger.

It's not even that great to play with. Making geometric objects is enjoyable for a little while but creating anything else is remarkably tricky. Having freely rotating joints is all very well but it means structures aren't rigid - a single nudge can totally skew them and they can collapse under their own weight.

Sproglette usually ends up making worms from the rods. She gets annoyed the balls don't stick together on their own but that the rods keep attaching to each other when she doesn't want them to.

When buying sets, it's also worth remembering that the simplest construction involves more pieces than you think. This takes twenty, for instance:


I was going to use an original DS for scale but then decided against it...

This is closer to fifty:



Quite how many pieces are required for that scale model of the Houses of Parliament in the TV adverts is anybody's guess.

Conclusion: Not worth the stress. Stick to LEGO or K'NEX.

Pros:

• Magnets are always fun.
• You might be able to 'accidentally' wipe any old Tweenies videos you have lying around.

Cons:

• Takes skill and a stack of pieces to produce anything other than geometric shapes.
• Creations are not robust enough to be played with.
• Could destroy your gadgets.

Rating: 2/5.

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  Nerf N-Strike (Wii)

Rated: 7+.

Story: You've been enlisted to a secret organisation and must undergo a training programme which involves shooting robots with Nerf guns. Score higher than the other candidates in all the tests and you're in.

Or at least that's what the sinister robot who recruits you says...

Gameplay: Point the wiimote at the screen to aim a cursor. Press B to shoot.

There are around twenty different tests, about a third of which are shooting gallery challenges - shoot all the red robots as they appear, for instance, or hold off an onslaught of robots flying towards you in waves. There are also three standard lightgun game sections where you traipse automatically through grey corridors, firing on any robots which show up.

Some of the tests are much more imaginative, though, requiring such things as knocking balls into goals. The best bits are the block challenges which mimic BOOM BLOX - hit various blocks off a platform without dislodging the gold ones or blast a path clear to a goal block through a tower of other blocks.

Save System: Automatic save after each event.

Comments: Every so often I get sent stuff to review. Some of it is obviously brilliant, other stuff takes a while to grow on me but seldom am I presented with anything where my initial reaction is to view it as a work of genius.

Actually, my first reaction with Nerf N-strike was to wonder why the postman was giving me a funny look. After he'd gone, I realised the parcel had this sticker on it:



No wonder he was worried.

Still, I opened it up to discover this:



It's a plastic gun which fires foam darts. With the press of a button, the dart mechanism can be removed and replaced with a wiimote (not included!). It's both a fully-functioning Nerf gun and a computer game controller. Genius! Someone somewhere is either very clever or getting a ten-year-old boy to design products for them (or possibly both).


The gun with the firing mechanism removed and a wiimote inserted.

Surprisingly, the Wii game that comes bundled with the gun isn't the complete pile of steaming nappies you might expect. The developers were obviously given a budget of tuppence but they've applied some imagination to make up for the limited options and bland graphics. The block shooting tasks in particular are a great idea and require some thought as well as accuracy. Overall there's a good mix of things to do and the game is fun and seldom frustrating.

Sadly, having to sit around shooting endless waves of robots in a warehouse isn't so good. Also, the bits where Nerf N-Strike mimics typical lightgun games, guiding you along corridors while you target enemies, are functional rather than inspired. The main problem, however, is that the single player game is very brief. It can be completed in under three hours (although unlocking all the weapons and gaining gold medals in every event will take longer). Adding proper high-score charts and more levels to the challenges would have taken little effort, so it's a shame they weren't included.

Multiplayer is where the longevity lies. Most of the tests can be played by four people simultaneously competing for the highest score. Up to ten events can be queued up to create a tournament with points awarded for player position in each round. Some of the events are absolute mayhem and they have the advantage of being easy to explain. Anyone with even the most basic knowledge of a wiimote can be ready to play in the time it takes for an event to load. If you've got visitors (whether adults or children), this is a great way to pass half an hour.

You can buy extra guns separately (RRP £12.99) but you don't need them. Since the cursor follows the movement of the gun instead of showing exactly where it's pointing, using a wiimote on its own works just as well (like in the target range in Wii Play). Holding the gun is more fun but it's a little heavy after a while. Oh, and be warned, I had to explain at great length to Sprog2 (almost 7) why we couldn't simply fire the real darts at the telly...

Of course, if you're trying to decide between this and the technicolor zombie blasting of House of the Dead: Overkill then you're really not going to opt for Nerf N-Strike. For children, the competition is much more limited. Nerf N-Strike isn't as polished as Link's Crossbow Training but it's less frustrating and has multiplayer.

Also, it comes with a Nerf gun.

Now, if only the postman didn't think I was a terrorist...

Conclusion: Feels like some training levels looking for a proper game to be part of. It's still fun, nonetheless, and has a riotous 4-way multiplayer which sure as heck beats playing Wii Bowling again.

Graphics: Grey arenas, corridors, rooms and warehouses. A handful of robots. Lots and lots of different Nerf guns.

Length: Very short.

Rating: 3/5.

Labels: computer game review (vol.4), toy/game review, toy/game review (vol.5), wii

 
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